Holy crap, how long has it been since I wrote anything? I know, it's been forever! So, here I am. Sitting around on a the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, watching some weird "Turkey Hollow" show, and I thought I might shoot an update and do my best to keep this thing up to date now that I've been making some big changes in life!
What changes you ask? Well...to be honest, it's nothing TOO different, except I'm moving to Korea, had a tummy tuck, upped my workouts, changed my diet and made some big decisions.
Well, let's start at the first one. After being pulled around, bounced around wanting to go here, there everywhere, the decision was pretty much made for me....it was three years in Alaska, or one in Korea. So, I went with the one in Korea. Why not, right? I think it's going to be a good career move. It'll allow me to get a new perspective on being an analyst. Well, I'll actually get to do my job! I know, crazy idea, right? But I can't wait!! It's going to be a whole new challenge! You know me, I like life to be hard! What fun is simple? As for dates, dunno yet. I enjoy the TBD way of life.
Next big step. I finally had my tummy tuck! Thursday will be three weeks since the procedure and I'm already back, hitting the gym better than ever! It's different than before, simply because I know, like my arms, I'm going to start seeing results. Already, I've lost a couple inches, and at my follow up yesterday, the doctor said I was still very bloated and will be for another couple months! Uufdah....if this is bloated, I can't wait to see what it'll be come February or March. But, for now, I'm starting out slowly. Light weight and high reps. This year in Korea, while being an adventure in the job, is going to be a physical transformation. Train hard, train often, but have fun!
So, as for other goals...you guys know me. What would my life be without goals? Right? And you also know, my goals are never small! Life would be so boring without trying to accomplish the impossible. You all started with me on the journey at about 200 pounds, trying to simply enlist in the military. I'm almost 3 years in to this journey, so now it's time to start training for the next step. While no, I'm not talking Ranger school, even I am not so Hooah. However, there is a group called SOAR...instead of me trying to explain it all...check out their website:
http://www.sorbrecruiting.com/160th.htm
I'm not about living an easy life. I'm not content with average. Maybe I'll fail, I dunno. But if I do, I'll be able to finish out my career saying I tried to be part of the best! If I fail, it won't be because I didn't give a damn, it's because I simply wasn't good enough! Reality! It is what it is.
Well, that's really all for now. I'm living in a townhouse, with two friends, two dogs, 10 minutes from work. Living each day to it's fullest...or trying to. It's not all sunshine and roses, but you know life isn't. It's how you deal with it. Being knocked down is part of it all...but as Rocky says, it's not how hard you can hit, it's how hard you can get hit and get back up! (You're welcome for the bit of inspiration!) I'm going to do my darndest to keep my adventures updated, because this year is going to be one hell of a ride!!
Oh, and you can believe I'm gonna be needing help! Until next time my little umpa lumpas!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
The quest for Karma
Warning: Please forgive the ramblings of this post. It's all the thoughts going through my head at this moment, and what's been going on for the last three weeks I want to share with all of you.
About a month ago now, I went into the doctor to talk about my eating problem. Well, as typical mind doctors go, they always try to find the root of the problem. Normally I'd be more resistant to it, knowing what I have going on is my business. Well, something has been off so I decided to go along with it this time.
Long story short, we figured out that a big reason for all my failed relationships, romantic, friendship, familial, etc, has everything to do with my past. That's a pretty obvious statement I know, because of course our past makes us who we are today. But what she was talking about was one particular situation I found myself in when I was very young. I know I've talked about it before, but if you're just tuning in, I was sexually assaulted when I was in kindergarten. I had no idea what was going on at the time, but I'm realizing now, what the fuck?
So, a lot of my trust issues, a lot of me allowing the abuse in my life, all has to do with that moment in time. I'm not saying what happened was my fault, however, how I let it effect my life up until now is. So while I'm not going indulge everything, one of the biggest things we've been discussing is the base of a good relationship. One of those four corners is the concept of being hurt. Whether it's us hurting someone, or someone hurting us. When you're hurt or vice versa, that first pillar, the first corner of that base, is already cracked and damaged and will effect the rest of the foundation. I've had that pillar pretty much destroyed....but it's time to start building it up again.
As we all know, karma is a bitch. I'm on a quest to recover my karma. But it's not just about karma either. The other part of that pillar is not just asking for forgiveness from those we've hurt, but allowing ourselves to forgive. So many people that hurt us know they're doing it but really don't give a damn. That's when it's up to us to forgive them. How does that go? Love your enemies? But it's not for them I'm learning, it's for us. When you learn to forgive, your load is so much lighter. My doctor described it like carrying a really heavy rock. When you carry resentment and anger, it's heavy, it's a pain and it does no good. LET IT GO. Forgive those that hurt you. It's not easy. It's not easy at all. But what I'm learning is, it's necessary.
I know I'm not going to be able to contact every single person in my life who've effected that pillar, but what I do know, is starting today, I'm beginning to rebuild. There are a few people who are going to take courage to contact again, but I do know it's going to happen. It won't happen overnight, but I do know that, with the one contact I've made already, my load is a little lighter. I had the chance to apologize to someone, I didn't mean to hurt and didn't think much of it until I sent him a text. I received a note in return saying that, it too had been weighing on him and has effected how he dealt with others since me. I can't describe how that one contact made me feel so much better, but also knowing his mind is a little more at ease, is amazing and feels so good.
You NEVER know what a simple, "I'm sorry I said that" will do for someone. Being the bigger person sucks, but it also will take that rock out of your hands and help build that base for the first pillar. Forgive someone today to allow yourself to breathe, and let it go whatever it may be. Forgive them, but forgive yourself.
About a month ago now, I went into the doctor to talk about my eating problem. Well, as typical mind doctors go, they always try to find the root of the problem. Normally I'd be more resistant to it, knowing what I have going on is my business. Well, something has been off so I decided to go along with it this time.
Long story short, we figured out that a big reason for all my failed relationships, romantic, friendship, familial, etc, has everything to do with my past. That's a pretty obvious statement I know, because of course our past makes us who we are today. But what she was talking about was one particular situation I found myself in when I was very young. I know I've talked about it before, but if you're just tuning in, I was sexually assaulted when I was in kindergarten. I had no idea what was going on at the time, but I'm realizing now, what the fuck?
So, a lot of my trust issues, a lot of me allowing the abuse in my life, all has to do with that moment in time. I'm not saying what happened was my fault, however, how I let it effect my life up until now is. So while I'm not going indulge everything, one of the biggest things we've been discussing is the base of a good relationship. One of those four corners is the concept of being hurt. Whether it's us hurting someone, or someone hurting us. When you're hurt or vice versa, that first pillar, the first corner of that base, is already cracked and damaged and will effect the rest of the foundation. I've had that pillar pretty much destroyed....but it's time to start building it up again.
As we all know, karma is a bitch. I'm on a quest to recover my karma. But it's not just about karma either. The other part of that pillar is not just asking for forgiveness from those we've hurt, but allowing ourselves to forgive. So many people that hurt us know they're doing it but really don't give a damn. That's when it's up to us to forgive them. How does that go? Love your enemies? But it's not for them I'm learning, it's for us. When you learn to forgive, your load is so much lighter. My doctor described it like carrying a really heavy rock. When you carry resentment and anger, it's heavy, it's a pain and it does no good. LET IT GO. Forgive those that hurt you. It's not easy. It's not easy at all. But what I'm learning is, it's necessary.
I know I'm not going to be able to contact every single person in my life who've effected that pillar, but what I do know, is starting today, I'm beginning to rebuild. There are a few people who are going to take courage to contact again, but I do know it's going to happen. It won't happen overnight, but I do know that, with the one contact I've made already, my load is a little lighter. I had the chance to apologize to someone, I didn't mean to hurt and didn't think much of it until I sent him a text. I received a note in return saying that, it too had been weighing on him and has effected how he dealt with others since me. I can't describe how that one contact made me feel so much better, but also knowing his mind is a little more at ease, is amazing and feels so good.
You NEVER know what a simple, "I'm sorry I said that" will do for someone. Being the bigger person sucks, but it also will take that rock out of your hands and help build that base for the first pillar. Forgive someone today to allow yourself to breathe, and let it go whatever it may be. Forgive them, but forgive yourself.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
One Day at a Time
My muse of writing, for some reason, has decided to vacation in Tahiti and has left me to do this blog on my own. But there has been a matter wracking my brain for the last week that somehow I need to get out and share with all of you. It's something that I've seen several people addressing lately, especially on Facebook.
The last week for me has easily been one of the hardest I've had in a very long time. Money issues hit me REALLY hard. My health went south when I ended up in the hospital overnight. My car decided it was going to take a holiday and refuse to work. My points for promotion went from 40, to 450 all the way up to maxing out at 798, just as I was hitting that spot where it was possible to get that E5. I lost a guy who was a great guy (for once), but decided that actually doing the right thing was the best option. I didn't do well on the PT test at all, and honestly quit on myself, which I NEVER do. Along with those things, I won't lie, I don't think I've had a decent hair day pretty much that whole week.
At the time it's a really hard lesson to remember, but one of the most important things I've gained in 2015I, is to take everything one day at a time When it came to the money I owe the Army, best words someone said "don't worry about it until there are no other options." Seems simple, right? As for the guy, okay, he's gone. I can dwell or I can simply move on. The old adage "there's more fish in the sea..." thing comes into play here. The points? Looks like I'll be doing a lot of correspondence courses in the meantime and will push me to go OCS, just a little bit more. I found out, the issue I'm having with my car, A LOT of others are and I get it fixed for free.
My point is simply this, it gets better. But, it won't get better if you look at each of your problems as one massive problem. Take it one step at a time. It's true, sometimes that luxury isn't available, but at that point it's time to look at what's going right in your life. Me? I'm finding out very quickly who has my back and won't desert me at the first sign of trouble I'm learning a lot of different resources I can use with the Army, that someday, I'll be able to point someone in the direction they need to be. I'm also realizing, I'm going through this crap because someone else is, too. Our paths are going to cross, and that one thing I learned from this, will make a difference. I'm finding out that while yes, I freak out about problems initially (I won't lie, I'm that person) that if I just slow down and analyze it, I'll see that it's okay. I've been learning that with every goodbye that occurs another hello comes, and sometimes it's what you actually need at that moment in time.
Life is about moments. Small ones, big ones, bad ones and good ones. It's about living in that moment and seeing it for everything it is. I'm not saying I won't stress over things, that's just life. But what is really important is how that stress is handled. Take it on, embrace it and know that it won't last forever, but what it teaches you will.
The last week for me has easily been one of the hardest I've had in a very long time. Money issues hit me REALLY hard. My health went south when I ended up in the hospital overnight. My car decided it was going to take a holiday and refuse to work. My points for promotion went from 40, to 450 all the way up to maxing out at 798, just as I was hitting that spot where it was possible to get that E5. I lost a guy who was a great guy (for once), but decided that actually doing the right thing was the best option. I didn't do well on the PT test at all, and honestly quit on myself, which I NEVER do. Along with those things, I won't lie, I don't think I've had a decent hair day pretty much that whole week.
At the time it's a really hard lesson to remember, but one of the most important things I've gained in 2015I, is to take everything one day at a time When it came to the money I owe the Army, best words someone said "don't worry about it until there are no other options." Seems simple, right? As for the guy, okay, he's gone. I can dwell or I can simply move on. The old adage "there's more fish in the sea..." thing comes into play here. The points? Looks like I'll be doing a lot of correspondence courses in the meantime and will push me to go OCS, just a little bit more. I found out, the issue I'm having with my car, A LOT of others are and I get it fixed for free.
My point is simply this, it gets better. But, it won't get better if you look at each of your problems as one massive problem. Take it one step at a time. It's true, sometimes that luxury isn't available, but at that point it's time to look at what's going right in your life. Me? I'm finding out very quickly who has my back and won't desert me at the first sign of trouble I'm learning a lot of different resources I can use with the Army, that someday, I'll be able to point someone in the direction they need to be. I'm also realizing, I'm going through this crap because someone else is, too. Our paths are going to cross, and that one thing I learned from this, will make a difference. I'm finding out that while yes, I freak out about problems initially (I won't lie, I'm that person) that if I just slow down and analyze it, I'll see that it's okay. I've been learning that with every goodbye that occurs another hello comes, and sometimes it's what you actually need at that moment in time.
Life is about moments. Small ones, big ones, bad ones and good ones. It's about living in that moment and seeing it for everything it is. I'm not saying I won't stress over things, that's just life. But what is really important is how that stress is handled. Take it on, embrace it and know that it won't last forever, but what it teaches you will.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Cast the first stone
In the dating world, I'm finding that there is A LOT of judgment. We judge first impressions on how the person dresses, what they drive, how they carry themselves, etc, etc. You know, those typical "at a glance" kind of things. As the date goes on, the questions start coming and we start judging on a deeper level. Do they have a career that meshes with ours, do they like the same things, do they have the same beliefs? And this is when the more touchy subjects come in, the biggest being...THE PAST!
Oh, my gosh. I'd like to be very frank with you (and when they ask, this is pretty much what I will tell a possible future suitor.) I am currently 30 years old. Before I met my husband, I loved dating and all the perks that came with it. Now that I am a divorcee, I am REALLY enjoying dating. I'm enjoying dating men, not boys. They're mature (most of the time) they know what they want in life, and most are secure in what I do for a living, even respect it and find it to be a bit of a turn on. But then there's a few, one in particular in the last couple days, who brought up my past and my current situation. They ask about how many men I've been with, how many am I seeing at once, why I've made some of the choices I have, and how on earth, and how do I dare, have some of the relationships I have with guys.
First, I believe in honesty 100% in any kind of relationship, and I tell them that, straight up. That being said, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, DON'T ASK. If you ask me a question about my past and current relationships, I will tell you and I won't sugar coat it. Yeah, I'm dating more than one guy. So what? I didn't hear anyone say they're committing to me, and until that happens, it's all fair game. Second, if you're not happy with the answer, don't you dare judge me! How does that go? "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." If you're going to judge me for the way I live my life, you better be totally clear of sin, especially on the moral grounds. (Let me give you an example: This guy judged me on my dating history, how I've been with SO many males, yet he's in a contract marriage, simply to get BAH from the Army....please tell me how, breaking the sanctity of marriage is morally okay, yet dating a few guys isn't...)
I'm very lucky to be in a profession and in an environment, where more often than not, I'm not worried to share how I'm living with people. I'm not afraid of being judged or looked down on. But one thing I'm learning through this, is even if I am judged, I do not give two f*cks what people think....simply because, I know that when there is ONE person who says "it's just you and me" they're going to be okay with my past. They'll realize that everything I do everyday and everything I have done up to this point, is making me who I am. It's making my skin thicker and forcing me to be a stronger version of me. It's allowing me to step out of my comfort zone and meet people and talk to people who I would have never given a second look to. It's teaching me that there are SO many kinds of people in this world, and more importantly, life is FUN!
So, judge me if you will. I like going on dates It's a blast. I love being with men because there's something very comforting about it. Sure, I'll find that "one" someday, but I refuse to settle for someone who "can maybe just stop being so...judgmental and get over it." Take me or leave me, those are the only two options Mr. Right has....so, good luck to him, but to whomever it is, let me put this out there: You'll never find anyone as loyal, as willing to love, ready to experience life, and willing to give of themselves, 100% to the person who is able to take me for who I am.
Oh, my gosh. I'd like to be very frank with you (and when they ask, this is pretty much what I will tell a possible future suitor.) I am currently 30 years old. Before I met my husband, I loved dating and all the perks that came with it. Now that I am a divorcee, I am REALLY enjoying dating. I'm enjoying dating men, not boys. They're mature (most of the time) they know what they want in life, and most are secure in what I do for a living, even respect it and find it to be a bit of a turn on. But then there's a few, one in particular in the last couple days, who brought up my past and my current situation. They ask about how many men I've been with, how many am I seeing at once, why I've made some of the choices I have, and how on earth, and how do I dare, have some of the relationships I have with guys.
First, I believe in honesty 100% in any kind of relationship, and I tell them that, straight up. That being said, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, DON'T ASK. If you ask me a question about my past and current relationships, I will tell you and I won't sugar coat it. Yeah, I'm dating more than one guy. So what? I didn't hear anyone say they're committing to me, and until that happens, it's all fair game. Second, if you're not happy with the answer, don't you dare judge me! How does that go? "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." If you're going to judge me for the way I live my life, you better be totally clear of sin, especially on the moral grounds. (Let me give you an example: This guy judged me on my dating history, how I've been with SO many males, yet he's in a contract marriage, simply to get BAH from the Army....please tell me how, breaking the sanctity of marriage is morally okay, yet dating a few guys isn't...)
I'm very lucky to be in a profession and in an environment, where more often than not, I'm not worried to share how I'm living with people. I'm not afraid of being judged or looked down on. But one thing I'm learning through this, is even if I am judged, I do not give two f*cks what people think....simply because, I know that when there is ONE person who says "it's just you and me" they're going to be okay with my past. They'll realize that everything I do everyday and everything I have done up to this point, is making me who I am. It's making my skin thicker and forcing me to be a stronger version of me. It's allowing me to step out of my comfort zone and meet people and talk to people who I would have never given a second look to. It's teaching me that there are SO many kinds of people in this world, and more importantly, life is FUN!
So, judge me if you will. I like going on dates It's a blast. I love being with men because there's something very comforting about it. Sure, I'll find that "one" someday, but I refuse to settle for someone who "can maybe just stop being so...judgmental and get over it." Take me or leave me, those are the only two options Mr. Right has....so, good luck to him, but to whomever it is, let me put this out there: You'll never find anyone as loyal, as willing to love, ready to experience life, and willing to give of themselves, 100% to the person who is able to take me for who I am.
Friday, January 2, 2015
2015, yet again, another new start
For the last couple days, I've been trying to think of some Earth moving, tear jerking blog to share with you guys. Every theme from New Years Resolutions, to brand new starts, etc etc. You know, that a-typical brand new year blog. But one thing I realized this year as I was sitting on my couch as the clock struck 12, is that we always try to complicate every January 1st. We make outlandish goals like "I'm gonna lose 100 pounds" or, "I'm going to start a brand new career." We don't set ourselves up for success, we set our year up to fail.
While new years resolutions are a nice place to start, I think by the middle of January, February if we're REALLY ambitious, we get caught up in life everyday we forget about what we wanted. We make them so large and almost to the point of unattainable, our ambition is like "HELL YEAH" when that clock strikes midnight. Maybe sometimes it's the champagne talking, but we all get caught up in the hype. I admit it, I do the same thing! I'm all Hooah January 1st, then by Valentines Day, I'm like, fuck it all, gimme those chocolates!!!
The thing, however, I do LOVE about new years resolutions is that, for a moment in time, we're selfish! We think about what we want, what we need and disregard the rest of the world! It's a moment in time that we really are true to ourselves, and that is where we should start.
With those thoughts in mind, rather than setting any resolutions this year, I am going into this January with two thoughts:
1. I want to be a better person: This means keep up with my exercise routine, keep eating healthy. It also means I am going to be a better friend, a better soldier, a better me. Each day it'll be a battle, but I'm prepared to litter my apartment with cheesy signs and motivational crap, a constant reminder of who I want to be.
2. Live in the moment: As the clock struck midnight, I was sitting next to a guy who I REALLY like. Before, I'd worry, gee, are we gonna celebrate Valentines Day together too?? How about next Christmas? I'm SOOO guilty of this, planning my life three months in advance. I forget about the here and now. Sometimes you have to plan, yes, but as in moments like that midnight, I realized, even if Valentines Day or Christmas doesn't happen, this moment, right now, is perfect. I'm not going to worry what my life holds that far ahead, rather realize that each moment I celebrate with special people in my life, is a blessing. It's a moment I won't get back and I'm going to soak it in.
Happy 2015 everyone. I hope this year brings SO many blessings for you all. I hope you realize that each day is special, whether you mess up on your diet or not!
While new years resolutions are a nice place to start, I think by the middle of January, February if we're REALLY ambitious, we get caught up in life everyday we forget about what we wanted. We make them so large and almost to the point of unattainable, our ambition is like "HELL YEAH" when that clock strikes midnight. Maybe sometimes it's the champagne talking, but we all get caught up in the hype. I admit it, I do the same thing! I'm all Hooah January 1st, then by Valentines Day, I'm like, fuck it all, gimme those chocolates!!!
The thing, however, I do LOVE about new years resolutions is that, for a moment in time, we're selfish! We think about what we want, what we need and disregard the rest of the world! It's a moment in time that we really are true to ourselves, and that is where we should start.
With those thoughts in mind, rather than setting any resolutions this year, I am going into this January with two thoughts:
1. I want to be a better person: This means keep up with my exercise routine, keep eating healthy. It also means I am going to be a better friend, a better soldier, a better me. Each day it'll be a battle, but I'm prepared to litter my apartment with cheesy signs and motivational crap, a constant reminder of who I want to be.
2. Live in the moment: As the clock struck midnight, I was sitting next to a guy who I REALLY like. Before, I'd worry, gee, are we gonna celebrate Valentines Day together too?? How about next Christmas? I'm SOOO guilty of this, planning my life three months in advance. I forget about the here and now. Sometimes you have to plan, yes, but as in moments like that midnight, I realized, even if Valentines Day or Christmas doesn't happen, this moment, right now, is perfect. I'm not going to worry what my life holds that far ahead, rather realize that each moment I celebrate with special people in my life, is a blessing. It's a moment I won't get back and I'm going to soak it in.
Happy 2015 everyone. I hope this year brings SO many blessings for you all. I hope you realize that each day is special, whether you mess up on your diet or not!
Sunday, November 30, 2014
30 Year Crisis
Tomorrow marks the first of December, merely two days away from the day that I celebrate the start of my 30th year on this Earth. So many people seem to deal with this birthday in many different ways. Me? I think I'm going through a pre-midlife crisis.
There seems to be an opinion about this particular birthday. As a teenager, 29 seemed old, but then 30 seemed ancient. I think I've reached this boiling point because I'm no where near where I thought I'd be. When I was 13, I thought I'd be married to Justin Timberlake. I'd have won my academy award and we'd have our 2.5 children, 5 dogs all living in our huge LA mansion.
Suffice to say these dreams of my youth have not happened. Here I am, living on my Specialist pay, in the ghetto, my dog with my mom and dad, going into my 30th year in the middle of a class with a lot of 22 to 25 year olds. So, despite my confidence, having a job I really do love, and my pretty darn great hair, I'm freaking out a bit.
When anyone asks me how old I am, I get to say 29. 29 is still 20. I'm still young, I still get to have fun. No one expects a whole lot from a 29 year old. Then quite literally overnight, I'm an adult. I'm old. Here are a few things I've noticed about what happens when your first numeral becomes a "3".
1) Sports commentators refer to running backs your age as if they are on their death beds.
2) Almost everyone in the NFL, are younger than you.
3) You catch yourself referring to college athletes as "kids".
4) Your friends start getting really into and opinionated about politics, and use logical reasoning other than "Oh, he's better looking."
5) Your social media newsfeeds turns from hot, young people partying to formerly hot people holding their new baby.
6) Your friends start having kids ... on purpose.
7) You cant sleep in anymore. Even on the weekends. So you really get to appreciate that hangover from 8am on instead of sleeping it off until at least noon. Which leads me to...
9) Your hangovers are 100 times shittier.
9) Just the thought of going out on a Friday night makes you tired. After all, you need to recover from the work week.
10) You actually calendar social events which is weird because your social life is not nearly as active as it was a few years ago when you never calendered anything.
11) You judge people who buy a dog instead of adopting. "It's a real problem, guys. These dogs have nowhere else to go."
12) You watch concerts on Palladia and convince yourself that it's just as good as the real thing.
13) And, when you go to a concert, you are shocked to realize you are the oldest person there. And you make comments to your friends about how sad it makes you to see these "poor kids on too many drugs."
14) You're not ashamed to wear earplugs at said concert.
15) And all new, breakthrough bands are younger than you. Like all of them. No exception. Apparently, unless your band name is Wilco, any chance you have at making it ended at 30. Sorry.
16) The days of fitting in with the crowd when you visit your old college are over. Best case scenario, they mistaken you for a masters student.
17) Almost all of your friends from college have their shit together. Which sucks. It's great to have a fuck up friend to compare yourself to so you can feel better about yourself.
18) Your "crazy party" friend from college has a great job, is married and has kids. Yeah, that same person who got arrested ... great, eh?
19) Your friends no longer have jobs; they have "careers".
20) A few of your friends start taking recreational adult sports leagues way too seriously. Like screaming at the umpire serious.
21) Kids call you "sir" or "ma'am".
21) If you play a pick up basketball game or racquetball game, you wake up sore the next day.
22) Your friends get way to into their hobbies. Especially the marathon ones...fhew!
23) You get invited to at least 10 charity events a year.
24) Military balls become one of the few socially acceptable times to get completely blacked out without anyone judging you.
25) You look like a weirdo if you wear a jersey to a pro sports game. Seriously, if you're over the age of 22, don't do it.
26) People are way more into wine and craft beers, and way less into Boones Farm and Coors Light.
So, the decade of my youth is almost gone. I'm now entering a new phase, starting what is technically the 4th decade of my life. It's causing my hair to turn to a much lighter color, I'm seeing the world from a different perspective. I'm optimistic, but cautious. Reality is, my twenties will soon be gone, and there's not a darn thing I can do about it. I'm going to try to welcome it with open arms. Embrace the age, and the wisdom that comes with it. Wednesday, I'll simply breathe....
There seems to be an opinion about this particular birthday. As a teenager, 29 seemed old, but then 30 seemed ancient. I think I've reached this boiling point because I'm no where near where I thought I'd be. When I was 13, I thought I'd be married to Justin Timberlake. I'd have won my academy award and we'd have our 2.5 children, 5 dogs all living in our huge LA mansion.
Suffice to say these dreams of my youth have not happened. Here I am, living on my Specialist pay, in the ghetto, my dog with my mom and dad, going into my 30th year in the middle of a class with a lot of 22 to 25 year olds. So, despite my confidence, having a job I really do love, and my pretty darn great hair, I'm freaking out a bit.
When anyone asks me how old I am, I get to say 29. 29 is still 20. I'm still young, I still get to have fun. No one expects a whole lot from a 29 year old. Then quite literally overnight, I'm an adult. I'm old. Here are a few things I've noticed about what happens when your first numeral becomes a "3".
1) Sports commentators refer to running backs your age as if they are on their death beds.
2) Almost everyone in the NFL, are younger than you.
3) You catch yourself referring to college athletes as "kids".
4) Your friends start getting really into and opinionated about politics, and use logical reasoning other than "Oh, he's better looking."
5) Your social media newsfeeds turns from hot, young people partying to formerly hot people holding their new baby.
6) Your friends start having kids ... on purpose.
7) You cant sleep in anymore. Even on the weekends. So you really get to appreciate that hangover from 8am on instead of sleeping it off until at least noon. Which leads me to...
9) Your hangovers are 100 times shittier.
9) Just the thought of going out on a Friday night makes you tired. After all, you need to recover from the work week.
10) You actually calendar social events which is weird because your social life is not nearly as active as it was a few years ago when you never calendered anything.
11) You judge people who buy a dog instead of adopting. "It's a real problem, guys. These dogs have nowhere else to go."
12) You watch concerts on Palladia and convince yourself that it's just as good as the real thing.
13) And, when you go to a concert, you are shocked to realize you are the oldest person there. And you make comments to your friends about how sad it makes you to see these "poor kids on too many drugs."
14) You're not ashamed to wear earplugs at said concert.
15) And all new, breakthrough bands are younger than you. Like all of them. No exception. Apparently, unless your band name is Wilco, any chance you have at making it ended at 30. Sorry.
16) The days of fitting in with the crowd when you visit your old college are over. Best case scenario, they mistaken you for a masters student.
17) Almost all of your friends from college have their shit together. Which sucks. It's great to have a fuck up friend to compare yourself to so you can feel better about yourself.
18) Your "crazy party" friend from college has a great job, is married and has kids. Yeah, that same person who got arrested ... great, eh?
19) Your friends no longer have jobs; they have "careers".
20) A few of your friends start taking recreational adult sports leagues way too seriously. Like screaming at the umpire serious.
21) Kids call you "sir" or "ma'am".
21) If you play a pick up basketball game or racquetball game, you wake up sore the next day.
22) Your friends get way to into their hobbies. Especially the marathon ones...fhew!
23) You get invited to at least 10 charity events a year.
24) Military balls become one of the few socially acceptable times to get completely blacked out without anyone judging you.
25) You look like a weirdo if you wear a jersey to a pro sports game. Seriously, if you're over the age of 22, don't do it.
26) People are way more into wine and craft beers, and way less into Boones Farm and Coors Light.
So, the decade of my youth is almost gone. I'm now entering a new phase, starting what is technically the 4th decade of my life. It's causing my hair to turn to a much lighter color, I'm seeing the world from a different perspective. I'm optimistic, but cautious. Reality is, my twenties will soon be gone, and there's not a darn thing I can do about it. I'm going to try to welcome it with open arms. Embrace the age, and the wisdom that comes with it. Wednesday, I'll simply breathe....
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Lessons of my 20s
I'm sitting around here on a Sunday morning in my own apartment, after falling asleep at 11:00pm on a Saturday night, realizing that I have merely one month left in my roaring 20s. In the last decade, I've had a lot of people come and a lot of people go. I've been to college and China. I got married, I got divorced. I've held down more jobs than I care to think about. Everything from retail to business to education. I made a lot of new friends, got reacquainted with old. Most importantly, I have learned a lot very important lessons. So here are the top ten things, if I can share with anyone in their twenties, here's what I'd say:
1. Fail early, fail often, time is on your side.
When you're young, you have nothing to tie you down. You don't have major financial obligations that you'll have in adulthood: mortgage payments, car payments, daycare, life insurance and so on and so on. This is the time when you risk the least by taking some long-shots! With the failures you experience now, will set you up for success down the line. Learn fast, learn often, they're what will get you safely into your 30s.
2. You can't force anyone to like to you.
1. Fail early, fail often, time is on your side.
When you're young, you have nothing to tie you down. You don't have major financial obligations that you'll have in adulthood: mortgage payments, car payments, daycare, life insurance and so on and so on. This is the time when you risk the least by taking some long-shots! With the failures you experience now, will set you up for success down the line. Learn fast, learn often, they're what will get you safely into your 30s.
2. You can't force anyone to like to you.
There are two types of friends in life, the ones where you can go months without speaking and come back like nothing has changed. Then there's the kind where you go away for a week, and EVERYTHING has changed. Since I've joined the army, I've had the chance to meet a lot of new people, but unfortunately, it means I've left a lot of people as well. What I've found is, you cannot force a friendship from anyone. Not everyone's going to like you. Either it's there, or it isn't. What I've also found is you can rarely predict who will be those friends that do stick around.
I left Minnesota in February of 2013 and came back for a GOOD amount of time for the first time in September 2014. Many of the people I was closest to in the early 20s, didn't have the time of day, but the ones who, when I went into the friendship were more "casual acquaintances" slowly became the friends I could also call my family. It's not that the first bunch are bad people, it's just how life goes. We all change, we all grow and it's how it is.
But what I've learned in my 20s is it doesn't always work that way all the time. Sure it's great to have something to work for. After all, I'm the queen of setting goals and beating myself up if I don't achieve them. Early on, I sat down and wrote a list of goals I wanted to achieve by my 30s. The biggest was the military. While I achieved my biggest, I've basically skipped all the rest. I have yet to get to Europe, I sure don't have a family of my own. I don't make 6 figures and I'm still super unathletic. As I've grown, I realized that the goals I set were not toally importnant to me, but rather what society said I should have by my 30s. I'm not ready to be a mom yet, but Europe is still on my to-do, ASAP list!
I'm firmly convinced that the whole point of goals is 80% to get us off our asses and 20% to hit some benchmark. The value in any endeavor almost always comes from the process of failing and trying, not in achieving.
4. No know actually KNOWS what they're doing.
There's a lot of pressure on kids in high school and college to know exactly what you want to do for the rest of their lives. Starts with choosing a college, then a career, then landing that amazing job! It's like they're supposed to have a clear path right out of the gate to climb that ladder and getting to the top as soon as possible. Then once that's set, you're supposed to get married, have the pefect two and a half children, drive your mini van and be happy, right?
However, if at any point in the process, you don't know what you're doing or you get distracted or if you fail a few times, you're made to feel like you're a screw up and your entire life will be spend on a corner panhandling and drinking vodka at 8am in a park bench somewhere.
But the truth is, almost nobody has any idea what they're doing in their 20s, and I'm fairly certain that it will continue on into my 30s. Out of all the people I've had the chance to keep in touch with from high school, I can't think of more than 10 who've had their life set since high school. I've known people who have changed jobs, careers, families, sexual orientation, hobbies, and so on.
I rarely had any clue what I was doing. I've had people ask how it is I ended up here, and how I decided on my career. Truth is, it was luck. I don't know if this will be my life for the next 20 years like I'm planning, but I do know that I've found something I enjoy doing, and in the meantime, I'm damn near decent.
5. Most people in the world are all looking for the same thing.
In hindsight, my 20s have been pretty great. I've gone interesting places, met some crazy people people. I've met people from all over the world with a thousand different view points.
What I've discovered is that from an outsider looking in is people are basically the same. Everyone spends most of their time worrying about food, money, their job and family, even people who are rich and well off. Everyone wants to look cool and feel important, even the ones who are already "cool" and "important." Everyone is proud of where they come from (epically those who hail from the great state of Minnesota!) Everyone has insecurities and anxieties, regardless of how successful they are. Everybody is afraid of failure and looking stupid. Everyone loves their friends and family yet also gets the most irritated by them.
Humans are, by and large, the same. It's just the details that varry. Most of the differences that we have that we say are important, are merely byproducts of where we're from and how we were raised.
I've learned to judge people not by who they are (or claim who they are) but by what they do. Some of the kindest and most gracious people I've met were people who did not have to be kind or gracious to me. Some of the most obnoxious asshats have been people who had no business being obnoxious asshats. The world makes all kinds. And you don't know who you're dealing with until you spend enough time with a person to see what they do, not what they look like, or where they're from, how they vote, or anything like that. People are people.
6. The universe does not care about you
This thought is rather an intimidating one. The idea that "no one cares about me" once taking word for word, thought by thought, is actually very liberating. The best quote I've heard in a long time is "You'll stop worrying what others think about you, when you realize how seldom they do." Everything we do will one day be forgotten. It'll be as if we were never here. The world WILL someday forget about us, like we were never here. Just like this moment in time, nobody cares what you actually say or do with your life.
You might think this sounds mean or wrong, but take a second, look at your Facebook. How many of these people do you think about on a daily basis? Odds are, not many. What makes you think they think of you you? This is actually good news. It means you can get away with a lot of stupid shit and people will forget and forgive for it. What it boils down to, is there is NO reason you shouldn't be that person you want to be. Be who you really are, because no body cares.
7. Life is full of extremes, learn to be moderate.
I think my life got 350% better once I realized the internet, television, newspapers and people are so extreme on everything! It's exhausting!!! It's good to be passionate, yes, but if you're extreme it makes you filled with dismay for the people who aren't. I'm not passionate about being a mother, and there are some who look down on me for that. I look at it as mere biological fact that, to keep the world going we need to have children. Yes, having kids is great, wonderful even, but my life will not revolve around it. I look at politics as a waste of time now. We all fight and NOTHING will get down in my next 30 years. However, it's a necessary evil. I will fight for what I believe, I'll always fight for those less fortunate, but I'll also support our military 100%. It's important to sometimes retreat to that quiet 90% of life that isn't extreme and remind oneself: life is simple, people are good, and the canyons that appear to separate us are often just cracks
8. It's the little things that make the big things.
So often we see everyone's success and forget about what it took to get there. I remember reading an article featuring one of the co-founders of Facebook. The interviewer asked what it felt like to be part of an overnight success like Facebook. And I remember the guy saying "if by overnight you mean staying up and coding all night, everynight for six years straight, then it felt tiring and stressful."
We always assume things just happen how they are. As outsiders we see the final success and we never see the failures that go into the process. We think our one big idea will change the world and that's that. What we fail to realize is that one big idea is made up of hundreds of small ideas and failures. To be a success we need to maintain and hold onto these small steps. Success does not happen over night....welcome to life!
9. The world, in general, is a good place.
There are bad people in Afghanistan and Iraq. There are bad people in Europe. There are bad people in the United States of America. There are bad cops, there are bad teachers, there are bad business men. We see this because the news tells us to see this. However, the world is a good place. The firefighter who risks his life to run into a burning building to save a child. The cop who puts himself in harms way to help an elderly man. The teacher who risks their career to stop abuse in a family. The person who spends their Saturday at a homeless shelter serving meals. The person who sits with the elderly and listens to their stories from their past. You can think every arab is out to kill you. You can think every Mexican is lazy and mooching off the government. You can think every soldier is a baby killer. You can think every republican is selfish and that every democrat is a hippie. The truth is, you're wrong. People are people. In the end, we care for each other, we love each other, we look out for each other. It doesn't matter where you're from, but who you are. If you open your heart, your mind and your eyes, you too will see the beauty everywhere, and the love we all have for each other.
10. Finally, time is short, don't take for granted a second.
This doesn't mean to not have your lazy days and sit around. However it does mean to appreciate them. The fact is, to survive in this world you need to work, and work consists of business meetings and doing things you don't want to do and generally being pissed that you're there. But when you're feeling like that, think of the people who are sitting on the curb side, wondering where their next meal will come from. When you drive by that person, help. Give them a loaf of bread. When you're sitting in front of your computer looking at what everyone on Facebook has that you don't, turn off your computer, go outside and thank the lord for all your blessings, for the people who love you everyday. Don't look at life as something you simply have to get through, because people, we all come out the same way...we don't get out alive. So those little moments you can look around and be thankful for that exact moment in time, life is successful. In every situation, look for that silver lining.
In 20 years of life, there have been a lot of ups and a lot of downs. So for those just starting off in their 20s, enjoy every day and know that each moment is a time to learn, love, grow and start building who you're going to become.
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