Regrets

"Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh."   Henry David Thoreau

For the last, I'd say, five or six years of my life, I've been trying to live my life with no regrets. A "what's done is done" type attitude.  Something clicked tonight though, something saying "holy s**t Cara, why on Earth didn't you do that?" Or "why on Earth didn't you tell so and so this!"  I try to live with no regrets, but I admit it, there are a few things in life I DO wonder and wish I could change.

I think my top regret in life is never sitting down with my grandpa (who died when I was about one) or my Poppop (who passed when I was in 5th grade) and really learning their life lessons.  Not to sound cliche, but I feel like, whenever you hear a country song about life's lessons, it's usually learned from a grandfather of some sort.  Sure, I learn some of the things they both taught my parents, but it's not the same as getting to that age, they hand you your first beer and say "let's have a talk!"  I want to know how my Poppop worked two jobs, went to school full time and raised a family.  I want to know what kept my grandpa's will going when he was working the beat in Minneapolis.  I want to know what it was like in WWII to miss home SO bad, and not be able to skype, call, even write at times.  I want to know how they loved their families so deeply until their last day.  These are things I won't ever know, well, not in this world at least.

My next regret, is I have never learned to be vulnerable. I feel like since I've been young I've had to be tough.  Did you know, I didn't cry at my poppop's funeral, my nana's funeral, or my wedding.  The first two, maybe I was just too young to understand at that point.  But at a wedding, MY wedding, most people shed tears of joy.  By not allowing myself that vulnerability, not only did I GET to miss expressing my heartache at the passing of my grandparents (which, just because I didn't show emotion didn't mean a part of me didn't that day with them), but I missed the JOY, the tears of joy, the ones you see and you say "wow, that person is SO happy!" How awful is that?  I do my best not to show sorrow, but while working so hard at that, I've taken away being able to fully show happiness and love to everyone around me.

Another regret is that I didn't learn to speak up for myself and others until very recently.  I look back at high school.  There were a lot of jack asses, I'm not gonna lie.  This last year I've been growing as a person.  Learning what I need in life, and going after it.  I've also been learning to be a better friend (and I'm going to continue to work on this every day!) In this upcoming year, I want to learn to be the best soldier I can be, which means taking care of my battle buddies. I want to be the one who goes into battle with any one of them, knowing I've always got their 6. To stand up for the ones who won't stand up for themselves.  I want to be that soldier who others know, will not only get the job done, but knows that I will always be in their corner.

Finally, I regret not learning to be on my own until much later in life. Not only being on my own, but living my life the way I know I should have been living it. I've depended on people for so long, for support emotionally, physically, financially, you name it. I was living my life to please others. I'm still just trying to figure out what I want and what I need in life. It's a whole other leg of this journey, and one that I'm excited to take.

So, life will be filled with regrets. It's how you use them that matters. The adventure is in the attempt. Embrace possibility. Sometimes you'll fail, sometimes you'll succeed.  Sometimes you're going to mess up and you're going to say "why didn't it...." No more what if's.  It's time to learn new lessons, embrace old experiences and always be building new memories, because someday, you're going to give your grandchild that first beer and say "let's have a chat...."

Promises to 2014

This time of year, you turn on the radio or the TV or go into any store and you see "Top ___ of 2013!"  Whether it's songs, movies, new gadgets, etc.  You'll also see a lot of "here's what I learned this year..." type things.  And I won't lie, I was going to do one of those, I even had it all written out.  Then I realized that while a lot of changes happened this year, and I learned A LOT about myself, part of the exciting part about new years is getting to start brand new!

A pet peeve of mine is New Years resolutions. Okay, not really pet peeve, but my wish is that more people would follow through with them. So rather than making a New Years resolution, I'm going to make promises for myself. I'm the type of person that, when I make a promise, I will not break it (at least do everything in my physical power to never break it!)

So here are the promises to me for 2014:

1. Like the typical, I'm gonna get my butt back in shape.  Since I've joined the Army, I've fallen way out of shape from what I used to be. I actually enjoy going to the gym, being social with everyone and yeah, I even enjoy the sweat! I'm not saying I'm going to become obsessed, but it will be a large part of my life again.

2. I'm going to pay much more attention to my dog! I think since he's moved here to Colorado he's been lonely, so I'm going to take much more time to take him to the park, toss that tennis ball around, and make sure he is the most spoiled pup in Colorado.

3. I'm going to allow myself to get hurt.  I have a knack of putting up walls, keeping people at arms length and really not let anyone know who I am. All because I know if I let someone in, I'm giving someone else the authority over my heart. However, I'm gonna take that chance this year, see what happens!

4. Expand on my hiking hobby.  I'm going to expand it to longer hikes, maybe even stopping to camp! Discover lots of new parts of Colorado, the rockies and really get into it.

5. Finally, embrace the big 3-0!! This year I'll officially be out of my 20s and in Army years, that's pretty much ancient and you might as well just quit life. Okay, not quite that extreme, but working with 18, 19 and 20 year olds, makes you feel older at times.  However, I'm not gonna let that stop me! I'm going to take advantage of the age, become more wise, more physically fit and find out all about yours truly!!

So, my list isn't that long, and it's things I've been working on. But, now that I'm out of training, my one year in the Army is coming up soon, I have no one but me and Tony to take care of, so now is the ultimate time. I think 2014 is going to be an exciting year, and a major reset button! Another leg of this crazy journey we call life!

May you find all the happiness in the world, may your dreams come true, and always remember to kick ass, in 2014!!

Therapy with a punching bag

When I started this journey nearly five years ago now, one of my favorite parts about it was two or three times a week, I got a free therapy session with Norman.  I got to vent, complain and talk out any issues I was having. It was so wonderful.  Then, I got here to Colorado and I realized I really have no one to vent to while pushing iron. 

After a couple days of PURE frustration, anger, stomach knots and anything else negative, I got back to my punching bag today...it felt wonderful! One of my favorite parts about it, is putting my ear phones in, blocking out the world and letting all my frustrations out.  The people who are pissing me off, the events that are causing anguish and even letting a few tears out that really need to fall.

You might be thinking that punching a bag like that, to cause SO much emotion, is silly.  And to some it might be, but to me, it's my therapy. It's the time I get to really focus on what is bothering me, and really letting me let my emotions out.

While this was merely one session out of what will be many, here were my lessons learned for the day:

1.  I deserve someone who is going to care about me, as much as I care about them.  Not because I'm the prettiest or the fastest or the richest, but because I promise you, there is NO ONE who cares more about those she loves than I do.  For my family, I would do anything.  For my friends whom I love (and I do not use the "L" word unless I REALLY mean it!) I would do anything. Whoever gets stuck with this old lady is going to be one lucky son-of-a-monkey's uncle!  HOWEVER, the second part of this....I have to learn to really believe it. It's one thing to say, or even have others tell you, but to truly convince myself of it, is going to take a bit more time and a few more right hooks.

2. I am most happy when I get to help other people.  Maybe that's why I love sending care packages, or why I had never been as happy as I was when we did that charity ruck march. It might sound silly, but I get SO much joy in making people smile.  I'm in the process of looking for a place to volunteer.  Not just a one and done type thing, but a place where I can get to know the people I'm helping! So many times the ones who need the most help are easily looked over...but you just never know who may simply need a smile.

3. I hate liars.  I know, that's really a "duh" kind of statement, but we all have those people who we KNOW are playing us, day in and day out, but for SOME reason, they have that hold on us. Whether it's a significant other, or a friend or a boss, but there's SOMETHING about them that we can't just walk away from.  Getting the courage to say goodbye to these people will be a challenge, especially being I'm still getting to know the area, and the people, but the toxic atmosphere is so much more harmful than helpful.  Time to focus on the people who bring positive energies!

4.  This divorce is going to take more time for healing than I thought.  I thought it would be easy to say "good bye" to a life I knew for a very long time, but DAMN my emotions are everywhere.  Maybe it's the holidays coming up, but it's been a particularly hard time going through this transition solo.  Sometimes I even question if I did the right thing.  Should I have said goodbye? I know in both my mind and heart that I did the right thing, but still, sometimes it's hard not to ask the "what if..."

I think four things in an hour was a decent session, and I must say, it's a lot less than what a therapist costs! I got nothing solved, however I brought some of my biggest issues to the forefront, which is the hardest part of the battle. Now, with each of my sessions, I get to fix my problems, well, do the best I possibly can!

Conversations with a higher power

Whether you believe in a higher being or not, sometimes there are some things that happen that you just can't explain.  I love that show "Long Island Medium" I admit it.  I'm also a complete believer in mediums and that there are some people who are able to communicate with the other side.  One of the things she said on the show that stuck with me is that our loved ones on the other side are constantly trying to find ways to show us they're around. One of the ways in which they do that is through our electronics. They'll flicker lights, cause weird sounds, all the way up to having certain songs come up that reminds you of them. Being that I was so close to my Poppop, I am always looking for ways to reconfirm that he's always here with me.

Today is no exception. When I woke up, I had that "Cups" song stuck in my head...ya know that one from that "Pitch Perfect" movie? It's a catchy tune!  I got my breakfast ready, like I do everyday.  I make my egg whites, sit on my couch and catch up on my gossip TV...aka Good Morning America.  Being completely uninterested, I flipped through the channels. Hitting HBO, "Pitch Perfect" was on.  I was like, whoa! So, I flipped it on, and it was the audition scene where she sang it.  "Well that was weird" I thought to myself, and went along my merry way.

I begin driving to work, the song still stuck in my head, after all it is QUITE catchy, and I'm listening to my country music.  In the mood to flip, I turn to another channel and what song comes on, but "Cups!" WHAT THE HECK!? Okay, just too weird. I had a chuckle thinking...this must be a crazy coincidence.

Several hours later, I get my dinner break.  I'm on my 24 hour shift so my breaks are in no way calculated. I go home, watch a little TV, take the dog out to go to the bathroom, shut everything down and hustle back into the car because, well, it's darn cold out. I turn my car on, again to my country station.  Something in me told me to turn the station once more, so I did.  I'll give you one guess as to what song came on the radio....yes..."CUPS!" 

Now, I like anyone like to be skeptical (okay not really!) but  I wake up with this happy song in my head, the movie begins to play, and then I hear it TWO more times through the day??  The last time it came on was just way too weird for me.  At that point I had to stop and have a conversation with whomever was listening. I don't know if it's my Poppop or someone else, but all I know is there is a pot beginning to stir up there. Things are quickly falling into place and life's puzzle is coming together.  Sure, there are a quite few missing pieces still, but those will come with time...after all, I have at least another 80 years to get into some trouble and put it all together.

So, always remember, no matter HOW you may be feeling, you're never alone.  And no matter what is happening, just talk. You may feel like you're talking to yourself, but I promise you, you're not.  You don't have to be religious, you don't have to be spiritual, but there are way too many "coincidences" in life to be coincidental. Take some time, sit down to examine your life.  Begin to take notice at the signs your loved ones might be shooting your way.  It's not an accident. Just stop and have a conversation....

Life's Lessons

I'm coming up on my 29th year on this Earth. While some say I'm still young, and if you count my rings I am, however, for those who know me, know I have an "old soul." I am all about the old fashioned things in life.  I love a picnic in the park, a drive into the country, star gazing, long conversations and the simple things, away from technology with friends or loved ones.  The other thing I appreciate is sound advice.  I'm getting to the age where I get to dish it, and because I'm "old" it sounds pretty wise.

In my short few years on this Earth, however my many experiences, here are some of the lessons I've learned that I like to take to heart when it comes to work, fitness, friendship and love:

1. Don't die wondering.  If there's something that means the world to you and you let it slip through your fingers, you're doing something wrong.  There's a lot of things that we can say "what if" about, but don't let something you love escape. Whether it's a job opportunity or a person, don't give that "wonder" a chance.

2. When one door closes, it's shut! So, why do we keep trying to go back to something that failed? There's a reason it failed.  However, that doesn't mean another opportunity won't come from that slammed door. For about 10 years  I went in circles, constantly trying to go back through that shut door thinking, maybe this time through, things will be different.  Finally, I realized it never would happen.  When I walked away, and kept walking, not only did I find a window, I found a window of a million opportunities!

3. You're not that important, what you DO is what counts.  As an individual I'm nothing. I know this.  However, how I live I life, how I respect people, how I work hard at my job, and how I love with all my heart, THAT is what people will remember when I die.  You can make the arguments that those actions ARE me, but are they? If I stopped doing what I do, what would people remember?  Not me, but what I did.

4. Everything matters, but nothing matters that much.  These last few months have been riddle with headaches, heartaches, money issues, friend issues, you name it, and it's probably been a problem.  What I've discovered is...are you ready for this? No matter how bad things may seem, the sun comes up the next day, I get to start over (sometimes for good, sometimes for bad) No matter what happens, I have people in my corner, both here on Earth and somewhere else in the cosmos, pulling me up. Yeah, it's a problem not being able to put gas in my car two days before pay day.  However, I have a car, and worst case, I get extra exercise.

5. You always have more options than you think you have.  Have you ever done those corn mazes, when you get stuck at a dead end and there seems to be nothing? Well, you can turn around, or you can cut through the middle! Why not?  Options are never black and white, and many times aren't easy. But there's always more than you think there are.

6. One’s only ambition in life should be to be happy. Nothing else matters.  If you're not happy what's the point in living?  Make what you do fun, and have fun with what you do.  It's pretty simple. Be happy.  Life is WAY too short to not be.

7. Take criticism constructively, not personally and see it as an opportunity to improve yourself.  Day after day I get lectured as to what I'm doing wrong.  It can get tiring, but if I take what is said to heart, I have the chance to become an even better version of what I am. Don't take it personally, just fix it!

8. Face my fear.  Holy crap, it's the hardest thing to do. I've seen this happen though to people who never thought they could accomplish certain tasks.  Basic training, I had a battle who was TERRIFIED of heights and we had the tower coming up. It took a lot of talking, a lot of coaching and A LOT Of cheering, but in the end, she did it. The pride she had after, I WAS excited for her.  Many times it's not a physical fear, rather emotional.  I spent 10 years with the same person, and when I realized it was wrong, I had to say goodbye.  I've never really been alone or on my own, in my life! I was terrified.  I've never been away from home much, never said a final goodbye to anyone.  Now, I moved a few states away from everything I've ever known.  Where I was comfortable.  But I faced my fear, packed my car, and left.  There are still some days where I wonder if I made the right decision, but I know that someday I won't be alone, but I'm no longer afraid to be.

9. If you're not making mistakes you're doing something wrong.  Oh my gosh, I must be doing EVERYTHING right then. I make SOO many mistakes. I open my mouth when I shouldn't, I do things I REALLY shouldn't, but I learn. Everyday. Okay., if you're not making mistakes and NOT learning from them, then yeah, you're still doing something wrong! So learn from it all.

10. Finally, live everyday like it's your last. Cliché, maybe, but SO true.  Tell people how you feel, and don't waste time with people you don't like. This is a hard one.  However I think one of the most important.  There have been times when I'll get home and I'll say to myself "why did I just spend two hours with someone I really don't like?"  I could have been spending even just ONE hour with someone who makes me happy.  A lot of times there are circumstances, like distance, that deters you from getting to be with who you really want to be with. In that case, go on an adventure! Discover a new place. Find a new "thinking" spot, contemplate the world and solve all the issues!! Whatever you do, when your head hits that pillow at night, be able to tell yourself that you did everything in your power to make your life better. Let yourself smile, and let yourself be happy!


There are SO many things that I've learned in these 29 years on Earth.  To sum it up, the most important thing...be happy! Life isn't anything if you can't smile...so, the last piece of advice... whatever your goals, whatever makes you happy... "JUST DO IT!"

Living to be happy

For a couple weeks now I know I've needed to update my blog, but things were just happening that I didn't feel I had anything to share, until today.

While at work, laughing, having a good time, I realized how happy I am. This was brought to my attention when one of my co-workers came up to me and said "Rainey," (yeah, my uniform still has that name...) he said, "Rainey, stop being so happy and cheery all the time! Be like the rest of us!" Naturally that made me laugh more.

Later I was texting a friend and he made the comment that my happiness is infectious and that I make people feel good. (I was quite flattered because all I do is try to be happy!)

I had another friend point out my optimism in this, what should be, a really BAD time in life. And looking at everything, it really should be.  I moved away from most of my family and all my friends, I'm going through a divorce that is turning pretty ugly,  I don't get to deploy as early as I want to, I'm pretty much broke all the time!

Rather than looking at it that way however, I prefer to see the silver linings. Sure, I moved away, but I'm meeting some AMAZING new friends and developing a new, strong family in the Army, as well as being close to my amazing blood relatives in Denver (who by the way, I've seen more in one month than I Have the last six years.) Yeah, the divorce is bad, but I'm getting a whole clean slate! Because out of this, I realized I deserve SOOOO much better! I deserve someone I can laugh everyday with, that I'm excited to come home to,  someone who I can talk to about anything, someone who shows me chivalry isn't dead! Yeah, I have standards now, and they're pretty high! I realized out of this, that not only do I deserve better, I CAN DO better!  So my brigade is JUST coming home from a deployment which means I won't be going overseas until at least 2015. Yeah, I'm SUPER bummed about it, however, that means I get a few extra years here, close to family, my new friends, and who knows what'll blossom in the span of two and a half years! As for the broke thing...well, that'll change with promotions! For now, I have a roof over my head, food on my table, gas in my tank, and LOTS of love!

Sure, there are days where it's incredibly difficult to stay positive. Work sucks, I'm broke, I worry about how long I'll get to stay in, I get extra duty, but honestly, life is damn good!  It's taking a lot of self-reflection, but honestly, I am so lucky, happy and blessed, and I have a feeling it's just going to keep on getting better everyday!


P.S. These are the songs that currently make my day the second they come on. I hope they bring smiles to your faces and a little groove in your step (and no...no special meaning or deep thoughts, just songs to get us through the days):

 

 

 

 

 

Living life for me

Everyday, especially since coming to Colorado, I'm discovering new challenges.  Life is changing so rapidly, I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to keep up with it for the next twenty years.  I learned the answer to that...nope. I will not.  However, all these challenges that the world is tossing my way is making me stronger, making me a better soldier, but most importantly, making me a better person.

I received some not wonderful news about a situation I'm in currently.  I thought at first, things were going to go smoothly, I'd get my way, paths would be parted and I could move on with life. Alas, that is not going to be the way.  When I first got the news of certain changes, I struggled and I struggled hard.  I think I went through the 7 stages of grieving in a matter of 12 hours. I was irate at the things that were asked of me. I was depressed thinking I could lose everything I love. I was in the denial thinking it could never happen, etc, etc, etc. However, rather than stopping at acceptance, which is what I always did before joining the Army, I added an 8th step...change it.

Okay, I know in many grieving situations you can't change the outcome. However, in some you can, but no one is willing to do it.  I am.  Since joining the Army, I am a changed person. Sure things piss me off, sometimes I want to cry (and have once or twice) however, I no longer am putting MY fate in someone else's hands, no way. So, I'm fighting back.  I'm not fighting back by getting revenge on this person, rather, I'm fighting back by being happy. I'm fighting back by learning to love again. Love others and love myself (because face it, I'm damn awesome!)

Everyday I get to wake up, in my new home of Colorado, in my own apartment, seeing my new friends, visiting my family, knowing I am loved from all around the world, and suddenly, all my troubles fade away.  Maybe they don't fade away but the issues I have are so much easier to deal with and give me something to fight for and be strong for.

There are so many lessons to be learned from every situation. We can look at these hard times as curses or blessings.  I choose to see each day as a blessing.  While it's hard to go this path alone, well, without a "soulmate" by my side, I'm finding that every move I make is for me.  For as long as I can remember, I've always done things for everyone else first, than if there was time, I may have gotten around to me.  But when I go to work and try my best, it's because I want a promotion.  When I go out with friends and meet new people, it's because I want to make new friends for ME.  When I workout, it's because I want to get healthy for me. Hell, when I go grocery shopping, I only think about what my body wants!

Not only am I a doing all these things for what I want, it's for what I need.  For the first time in my life, I'm free to make my own decisions, face my own consequences, live my life. For the first time in nearly ten years, I get to be happy because I want to, and I sure as hell deserve to!

As I said earlier, each day that passes life is teaching me something new, about the people around me, my family, my friends and me.   However, those who don't learn from history are condemned to repeat it.  So, I am grateful for everyday of these last years of my life, because I learned what I deserve. I learned that it's okay to live life for me.

Ramblings of a midnight CQ shift

Wow, am I horrible or what? It has been FAR too long since I created a new post, so I must inform you of all this glory that is "The Real Army!"

I graduated AIT, went home for a week and forgot how wonderful it was to see all the people at home. I missed seeing my friends and family and even those I didn't care too much for. Okay, not really, I love everyone I get to see.

So, Thursday morning, I packed up my car, said goodbye to my mom, dad and dogs, and headed off into the sunrise on Highway 5, heading to Colorado!! I managed to get there in 12 hours, only stopping twice for gas.  It got a little touchy at the end of Nebraska with my gas, but I made it. I avoided stopping there as much as possible, because seriously, who wants to stop in Nebraska? Exactly, me neither!  So, I made it to Colorado!

I started off rocky, forgetting pretty much everything I could possibly need for in processing. Cool, I know, but somehow I managed to get through that process. It was the longest week of my military career yet, and felt SO homesick. I also felt very out of place, like I had no idea what I was doing.  There was a reason I felt like that...because I did have no clue. 

So I make it through the week, and get introduced to my new unit. I am officially (eh-hem) A Co. 1 STB, 1BDE, 4th ID. Yeah, figure that one out...'cus I'm still working on it!  Anyway, it was a difficult start. There were clicks already formed and I was not in them. However, time has passed. Since I've done all the crap tasks with no argument, I'm slowly working my way in!

I've made some really great friends, and kept a couple from basic and AIT. The best part? I've gotten to see my family up in Denver more in this month than I have for I think I have in the last six years! I'm starting to feel that Colorado Springs really has become my home!

As for the job, well, I don't know yet. My brigade is deployed still, so my days consist of sitting around. However in the meantime, I've decided to go back for my Masters Degree! Might as well, eh?

I've had a chance to be a tourist while enjoying my time here too.  I can't wait for visitors so I can share with them the joy that is my new home.

I was I could say I was doing some crazy awesome things, but right now, I'm just getting through life. I'm on my first 24 hour CQ duty, and have about 7 hours left...it's gonna be a long 7 hours. But that's all right, I'm SO grateful for everything I have in life right now and the life I'm developing, one day a month, I'll take it!

Life lessons from baseball

It's a Sunday afternoon here in Arizona.  Only 4 more Sundays left of AIT then I get to leave and head back to Minnesota for a few days.  While I'm there, one of my biggest priorities is to get to a Twins game.  Now some think I'm crazy, that I love the sport of baseball so much.  Many don't understand....unless you're a baseball fan.  I call baseball the most romantic sport. Why?  Not only because, sitting outside on a cool summer night, the breeze just slightly blowing, a hotdog in hand, sitting with someone special, talking, reminiscing, living the game, is perfect, but because of the amazing history baseball has.  My dad always asked me "You know what sets baseball aside from any other sport?  It's the only sport without a clock." And it's true, you go to a game because you love it.  You're not in a hurry to leave, you're there because you never know when history will be made.

With sociology as my minor, I also love looking at the social aspects of the game.  What is going on in baseball, really reflects what's happening in the times outside the stadium.  For example, I watched "42" today, the story of Jackie Robinson.  While there was hatred for the man, simply because of the color of his skin, his team banded together, stood up for him as a player, and a man.  Eventually, so did the rest of the country.  You could make the argument that Robinson helped pave the way for the civil rights movement.

Baseball also teaches you about life.  There are hundreds of metaphors and literal lessons that can be learned. Everything I do seems to come back, or has the ability to come back around to the game. Here are some of the lessons I take from it, that someday, I'll pass onto my kids:

1. Play as a team.  In the Army, I find this is a challenge for so many.  Like baseball, there are times when it's on an individual to step up to the plate and hit that home run...or make a sacrifice. Then there's a time when you're in the field and you HAVE to work together.  If you don't, you're going to have errors.

2. Keep your eye on the ball. Any goal we set for ourselves is attainable.  If it wasn't it wouldn't even be a thought in our mind.  However, what people forget, is to reach that goal, you need to keep focusing on it. You have to want it so bad, that when you make contact, you hit it out of the park! You not only achieve your goal, you NAIL it! The best part? As soon as you hit that home run, you get another chance next inning to do it again! Never stop dreaming of hitting that ball. However, we will strike out sometimes, it's part of the game and it's part of life.  It's when you strike out and refuse to go up again, that you fail.  Did you know Babe Ruth is #95 in all time strikeouts, with 1,330 times? It's true, but he never quit.

3. Get your foot off the bag. So many times you see players getting a huge lead off. This is always a risky move, because you're just never sure what that pitcher is thinking.  However, sometimes in life you have to take risks, you have to go for that lead. Sometimes taking that risk is what will win the game. Be smart about it, but don't ever be afraid.

4. Get dirty.  As much as I love seeing the crisp, clean uniforms, when you see dirt and grass stains all over those uniforms, you KNOW that player gave their all.  They put their heart and soul into every catch out in left!  Don't be afraid to put your blood, sweat and tears into something you're passionate about.  If you give it your all everytime, you're going to be great.

5. If you're going to go down, go down swinging. You're going to strike out, deal with it.  We fail sometimes, it's called life. However, if you're going to strike out, don't do it by simply letting the ball fly past you. Try for it, and try hard! Do something! Don't just stand there!

6. Life isn't always fair.  I cannot tell you how many times I've been at a game when an umpire is calling strikes when it's clearly outside, or called someone safe when obviously they were out.  Yes, life isn't fair, deal with it and move on. Most times, they player will get up, and move on.  When it's your team, it seems like all the bad calls are on your.  However, as it is with life, it always evens itself out. Again, life isn't fair. It's going to through you curve balls and strikes, but in the end, it will balance itself out.

7. Hard work is just as important as talent.  Some just have natural talent for the sport, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have to work or that the person who doesn’t have as much natural talent won’t be more of an asset to the team. Hard work is more important if you ask me. If you want something you have to work for it. Sometimes you have to stop and ask, "how bad do you want it, and how hard are you willing to work for it?"  If you want something bad enough, you'll work everyday for it. In the end, the hard work will pay off.

8. The art of losing. I admit it, I’m a little on the competitive side. Everything I do is a competition and I don’t like being second place. However, losing isn’t always a bad thing. It teaches you how not to be a sore loser. It teaches you to be humble. There is always a winner and a loser and if you’re smart, you’ll find the lessons in losing. What went wrong? What could be better? What do you need to work on? If you can get real with yourself and learn from those mistakes, you’ll only come back stronger!

9. Sometimes it's all about the sacrifice. Sure, we all want that Grand Slam and to see our team mates come running out of the dugout to great us and the fans stand up and cheer, but sometimes what the team needs is a sacrifice. He wants you to bunt knowing that you will most likely get out but that runner on third needs to come home. It’s not always about us and what we want, sometimes we need to sacrifice for the good of others or our team. Life is about sacrifice.

10. Finally, have fun.  Whatever you do in life you have to love it. Passion is what makes life worth living. Baseball, like life, is a game. Through it all you’ll have good times and tough times but you must have fun and love what you do or it’s not worth it.  Find what you are passionate about and go after it. Life is too short to not enjoy every moment.


Every year I look forward to spring training, because I know SOON, I'll be able to be back at that park, the breeze in my hair, hotdog in hand and lucky hat on my head, cheer for my MN Twins

The journey continues...

So it has been a few months since I wrote last and oh my gosh, how life has changed a million times.

It's now been a LONG time since I started this journey.  So, here's a quick recap of the last 5 years of my life:

I was big. Really big.  I had a goal. I met that goal. And now, the story goes on...

Four months ago I left my cozy home in Chanhassen Minnesota for the world of the Army.  I got to basic training and what a trip that was!  I went to Fort Jackson, South Carolina and met some people I am so fortunate to call life long battle buddies.  Adjusting to all the yelling was hard, but obviously I survived. It was not nearly as challenging as I thought it would be.  PT in the morning was meh, it was those long marches carrying the weapons ALLLL day that really sucked. I learned a lot though, about me and what I could take and just how much I really loved the Army.  The ten weeks went by so quickly, I felt like I blinked and they were gone.  What I missed most: music! Whenever we got onto the buses that took us to places, and the radio was on, oh my it was a little bit of heaven. The obstacle courses were fun!  It was a lot of team building which in itself was a blast. I wish I could recap the whole ten weeks, but that would be pretty much impossible.  The thing I took out most from it, is the fact that I was able to do it.  When I started this thing at 266 pounds, if you told me I'd make it through basic training, I'd laugh.  When I marched on that field on graduation day, I was SO damn proud!

I'm now in the middle of my next step, AIT.  The information we're learning isn't necessarily hard, there is just SO much of it! Intelligence is  fun field, and there are a lot of people who don't like it, but I'm good with it.  Like everything I've learned on this journey, it's all what you make of it. I'm not the smartest in class, I'm not the strongest and fastest at PT, but I'll be damned if I don't have a lot of heart. I worked for over four years to get here.  And like my friend said to me before I left, during these next few months, it won't always feel like a dream, and I'm going to want to give up, but remember it's what I worked for. Since I've been here, life at home has been difficult which is putting a strain on my classes, but like my mentor said, I'm here to train, I'm here to be the best I can be at my job and nothing else really matters.  I've already been setting goals for myself for beyond the TRADOC life.  I'd love to get into counter Intel.  It's a lot of work, and I've already started studying for it.  The other thing I've been taking from this whole experience is the concept of integrity.  I've always held myself to a high standard for honesty, but now I'm holding everyone else to my level. (Sorry people!) Unfortunately, because of this concept, I'm going to be seeing a lot of world with just my dog. Life is throwing me curve ball after curve ball and I'm learning to go with it.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is start over.  Okay, not sometimes, the hardest thing in life IS starting over.  10 years ago, if you came up to me and said "Cara, you're going to be in the Army, with a strong career, true battle buddies that have your back and a life you love," I would have laughed.  I never realized how unhappy I was until I got here.

What's next? Well, I'm headed to Colorado for the next three years of my life! I'm heading to 4th ID, 1st battalion! I am SO excited to start this life. I'll be a couple hours from blood family and a friend I've known my whole life!  I'm going to be with a battle buddy from basic, and my battle boo from here in AIT! Life is just beginning!

Sure, change is scary. My platoon sgt told us tonight "I don't even know where home is anymore," and that's a scary thought. However, in basic we had a Drill Sgt who reiterated daily "Home is where you hang your hat."  Yesterday my hat was in South Carolina, today it's in Arizona, tomorrow will be Colorado.  Every place I've gone has become home, not because it's where I sleep, or even where I hang my hat, but because I've learned that the Army is a big family, and home is where your heart is.  My heart is with the Army. I love this life, and right now, there is nothing I'd change about it.

So, my friends, the journey continues......

Saying "goodbye..." for now.

I want to keep this short and sweet.

Three and a half years ago I started this blog to document my journey thinking it may never end.  Now I sit here writing my final blog before I leave for basic training and start my life as a soldier.

I've gained friendship, love, a new respect for me and others, and most importantly I've found the confidence to follow my dream and hopefully inspired you to do the same.

Thank you everyone for all your support, your love, you confidence your prayers and for being strong WITH me!

So for now I say, Happy trails my loves, until we meet again...

SEE YOU IN 10 WEEKS EVERYONE!!!

Lessons Learned

I was sitting talking to a friend the other day and we ended up talking about friendship.  I started thinking about all the people I've met in these last four years.  Many have come, some have gone, but ALL of them have taught me many many lessons.

The first lesson I learned was about distance.  Over these last four years, I've lost a couple because they said we simply do not talk enough, we don't see each other enough, and it's as if I don't care. If that really is the way I made people feel, I am truly sorry.  However, I have a friend who I would lay down my life for, who I would drop everything for and simply would trust my life to.  However, I see her MAYBE once a month, and now, it's going to be a lot less.  This woman is someone I have known for years!!  Then I stop and think, and I realized, there are at least two friends I can think of that I would put in this classification. I know that I'm not going to get to talk to them much in these next 6 months, however, the lesson I took from these two, is no matter how far apart, or how little I get to see them, a true friend will always be there! As humans we mess up, and no matter how hard we try, we aren't perfect, but friends take you no matter which way you come!

My second lesson came from the most unexpected place.  A group of women that I have SO little in common with, yet consider them friends for life. They've taught me a most valuable lesson, that we all are supposed to learn when we're little: never judge a book by its cover.  When Norm came  up to me and said "I have a bootcamp class, they're a bunch of moms" I thought "Oh...great...suburban housewives." Whoa, was I wrong.  This group is a whole mess of strong thinkers, strong willed, BEYOND caring, sometimes to a fault, genuine, sweet, funny, and I think if I pulled out the dictionary next to the word "amazing" would be a picture of this group.I feel bad now saying I ever had any prejudice towards the thought of moms (I know it sounds silly, it's just one of those things.)  It was simply something I never understood and I've had the opportunity to change my whole mindset.  Because of them, I've gotten to see a whole different side to life.

There are things I've learned from so many other people, too.
- I've learned that it's okay to fail, it's how you handle it is what counts.
- I know it's all right to let go a bit, and not have to be the tough one ALL the time.
- The most important thing in life, is to make yourself number one, and TRULY believe it.  If you don't care for you, you can't help anyone else.
- Being religious and being spiritual are okay. Religion isn't always a bad thing.  Having faith that someone is watching over you is very comforting.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.  Ignore their lives on Facebook, most of the time it isn't true (or greatly exaggerated to make us think things are perfect!) Besides, everyone is different! Their goals are probably not the same as yours,  So the only person you should be comparing yourself to, is you!
- Accept love and accept help.  Most of the time, the two are connected. The ones who want to help you the most are the ones who love you the most.
- Never assume anything.  You don't know where your next blessing can come from, or how it may appear.  So many times we don't realize it until it has passed, either.
- Don't take one moment for granted.  At merely a week to go, I'm learning to appreciate, enjoy and embrace every moment I have with the people I love.  Sit, talk, laugh, cry, learn from each other.
- Last, but I think one of the most important, never, ever, EVER NEVER give up! No matter what your dream is.  No matter who thinks you are crazy for it, if it's what you want, don't let anyone tell you no! Every person has the will, the desire and the drive to follow their dreams! Maybe it takes a month, maybe four years maybe longer.   But look deep and what you've always dreamed of, and DO IT!!! I KNOW YOU CAN! If no one else believes in you, I do!  I understand, but more importantly, I know you can!

These last four years, I've learned SO much from so many different people from EVERY walk of life!  These next  few months are going to push me to levels I've never seen, but because I know I've learned what I have, I know I'll take all these lessons I've learned and become an even better soldier!

And so the countdown begins...

Wow...I have not realized how long it has been since I posted, eek!

As you all know, I am in the United States Army.  I get to leave at the end of this month for Fort Jackson, South Carolina for ten weeks.  After that, I hop over to Fort Hachuachuca, Arizona for 17 weeks.

Since the beginning four years ago, I decided I would start counting down when I got to the below 20 days mark (which I never thought would actually happen!)  Wouldn't you know it? I am just a day or two shy away!! I am officially at the point of my journey where I won't be able to say goodbye to everyone I want to.

I had my first MAJOR goodbye this weekend. I had to say farewell to a couple of my nearest and dearest friends.  I promised myself I wouldn't cry...alas, that didn't work out so well. I only get to see these girls every couple months now, but I know I'm only an hour or two away.  Now, I'll be across the country and won't be able to just pick up on a Saturday and go visit.  It broke my heart to say goodbye.

Now, I have all these invites to "saying goodbye" get-togethers! If there could only be one lesson I take away from these past four years, it's that I have amazing people in my corner.  People who genuinely care and want me to succeed! Whether I see them everyday, or once every three months, I know I have amazing people with me. I am so lucky to have people to miss!

There aren't many times when I'm not sure what to say.  I'm almost at under 20 days and there aren't enough words to express how much I wish I could see EVERYONE and spend quality time with each person who has taken this journey with me!

 

You all gave me SO many gifts, so many lessons learned and so much love. No matter where I may end up, I will always remember all of you!

 

Please, watch this video, because the queen of pop can say it so much better than I! 

Madonna- I'll Remember: Dedicated to all of you who went through this with me