Finding Zen (Oh look, there he is!)

When I set on this journey three years ago, I knew it was going to be difficult, but I also knew I'd have a ton of support along the way.  One of the things I'm discovering about me, is my passion for working out, for being healthy and for helping others.  Finding this passion is the very first step into finding my zen.

However, there's a lot more to it.  I know what I love to do, and I know what my passion is, but how do I fully get to it? The first thing was trying to get out of my head that I can't achieve it.  The biggest obstacle there was my own mind.  Learning to conquer that, that's always going to be a never ending battle!  The one thing I am able to control however, is how those thoughts effect me.

I learned a something the other day that has stuck with me, and is helping me learn my own mind.  They said "Don't try to fight your thoughts.  They are your thoughts and you will lose.  Let them come, think them, acknowledge them, let them go." For the last week, everytime a thought has come to mind that I've been trying to forget or trying to let go of, I stopped fighting them.  When I realized, this is me talking to me, I let those thoughts in.  HOWEVER, the difference is, when I let them in, I was able to release them.  Money issues, weight problems, friends, family, whatever it may be.  Instead of fighting with my own thoughts, I embrace them.

Now don't get my wrong, I still get those knots in my stomach thinking about things.  My nerves are still very present, but I know now how not to let them rule me. It's teamwork within yourself.  Once you figure out, they're thoughts, not your actions, it's so much easier to let them all go!

P.S.  Sometimes finding your Zen requires a little help from others (No, not like the Daily Show's moment of Zen!) So here are a couple thoughts to help ease and clear your mind!

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”


“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”


“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”


“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.”


(Buddha has it right I tell ya!) 

4 years

Four years ago today, I got to marry my best friend!  Everyday I count my blessings that I met this man.  While there have been many ups and downs, I don't think there's anyone I would rather have been spending my life with.

Most people say "if you can make it through the first five years, you're in the clear!" Well, we're almost to that point, but in these last four, the two of us have grown so much as a couple.  Surviving our second deployment together before we even got to celebrate a year together, was just about the most difficult thing we could have done. But we made it together, with the help of our family and friends. 

We've dealt with job losses, money problems, car issues, dish issues, parental issues, and anything and everything in between.  But we got to also have mornings together, we have two wonderful puppies, and we are starting a life that will be all our own.  We are planning our trips around the world and excited to MAYBE start a family someday.

While we've been together for four years, our lives are just beginning.  Have anniversary to my hubby, my soldier, my monkey, my best friend, my lover, my Colin!

Discovery of Me

Three years ago when I started this little trip of mine, I thought it was all about weight loss.  I thought if I could achieve that, I'd be beyond happy. All my problems would go away, and Colin and I could live in our happily ever after world.  While that is the main point of all of this, what I've discovered, especially since my last trip to MEPS, is that it's about a WHOLE lot more.

In these three years, okay, more the last 6 months, I've really discovered who I am.  In the last couple weeks, I've found a whole new state of mind. One of which has changed my outlook, and made me realize, while losing is important, there are so many other things in life that are making my thoughts toxic and stopping me from reaching those goals.  My mind was so focused on what others had and I didn't.  What others were doing to sabotage my goals, rather than me strictly focusing on how to overcome it.  My mind was so negative.

Several days ago I lost a "friend."  Rather than talking to me about her issues, she simply took me off Facebook and left it at that. I was mad. I wasn't mad at the fact that I lost a friend, what I was mad about was that she simply took me off Facebook and left it at that.  For about an hour, I was thinking to myself "she has some nerve, after all that I've done for her..." Well, as these thoughts were going through my head, I was getting madder and madder. I was hoping for something bad to happen...I know, not good. But come on, who hasn't wished ill on those who've done them wrong?!?

Well, when I was getting mad, I was on Facebook and one of the many groups I belong to posted this:

Next to it, read the following:

If you believe in karma, then you must understand that harboring evil thoughts of revenge and malice, towards those who have wronged you, is only hurting yourself.

This is like picking up a red hot coal and waiting for the chance to throw it at your enemy. While you wait for your chance, and contemplate thoughts of retaliation, that coal is cooking you alive. In the same way, negative thoughts of revenge eat away at your mind and spirit.

Your thoughts contain energy, and that energy affects you directly. Negative energy affects you in a negative way; positive energy affects you in a positive way. Bohdi Sanders ~ Warrior Wisdom

You know those moments in life when all of the sudden the world just makes sense? Like everything is clear and you actually understand.  That was the moment I had.  I realized for the last three years, I was holding onto resentment to those who had I don't.  I was mad at the people who were achieving all these things and I'm still stuck in the starters box.  Well, literally in one moment, all those thoughts of hate, anger, jealously, resentment, ALL went away...completely.  Something in those words I read changed my view on life itself.  The worries of a thousand worries were lifted.

It's amazing, I feel like I've discovered more in the last week now than I have this whole time!!

Part of this life analysis is finding what I want to pass onto future generations.  How can I give this feeling of happiness and satisfaction onto my nephew, or my kids someday. That's when I found my next step on this journey.

Ethos is a Greek word meaning "character" that's used to describe guiding beliefs or ideals that characterize, in my situation, an ideology. The ideology of how I want to live my life.  My next step is discovering and finding my own ethos.  With finding this, I will write my "Cara's Creed." THIS, is what I will pass on. It's who I will vow to be, and strive to be, day in and day out.  It's not something that comes just sitting around. It's going to take time and effort, and a whole lot more soul searching. 

Maybe it'll come in a week, maybe a month, maybe a year. I don't know, but all I know is, I have a way of living my life now.  I won't hold resentments. I'm not mad about the stupid things.  I'll be more accepting of others and their views.  Now how do you put these thoughts and feelings into words...

I think that'll be a whole other blog............