How many times have we all heard this cliche? When you meet that person, "you'll know!" I know when I see that one gift, that it'll be the one!! I just don't know what I want to eat, but when I see it, I'll know! Ugh! Well, I think the same thing happens with life. When you reach that crossroads, and you're faced with a dilemma, you'll just know!
Well, today I was placed at a crossroad. Well, I'm at a crossroad where I'll have to think about options. I had an interview today at a bank that I thought was for a part time teller job. Turns out it was for a Personal Banker position. Full 40 hours, 401k, bonus incentives, etc. Sounds great, right? Let me tell you, it sounds even better when you know your unemployment is coming to an end soon. Getting done with the interview, I had a great feeling. They liked me, they loved my answers, I got a couple winks, all the signs I usually would LOVE to see in an interview.
When I asked about the hours, I realized I would have to give up my Gorilla. If you haven't been around, Gorilla Combat has been REALLY helping me get to where I am right now, being 1% away from my dream!
As the managers were talking about the bank, everything sounded so wonderful!! Okay, it sounded wonderful to the me three years ago. I was so torn. I could give Colin a solid base to finish his schooling. It would be a 35k job. Not bad for starting pay. The people couldn't have been more delightful to interview with too. The other kicker "we don't want to train someone then have them decide this isn't a good fit!" As I am the way I am, I do not like doing that to people anyway. If I commit to a job, I will be committed. With this in mind, that means I'd have to maintain my weight and size for THREE YEARS! Without being able to do Gorilla, I'd be lucky if this happened, not to mention lose anymore!
So here I am. To my left, U.S. Bank. A business life. A cubicle. Business suits, meetings, 401ks, a nice steady paycheck. A home and family to come home to every night. A life where I COULD start a family in a couple years if I want. I would stay in Minnesota the rest of my life. I would have my friends forever. I could continue my bootcamp, and possibly find another boxing gym SOMEWHERE.
And to the right, my path to the Army. Creditors calling everyday. Not being able to go out because of training. Not drinking for 8 months at a time. Early mornings, late nights and LONG runs. Diets, headaches, and major stress. Then leaving my family and friends for years plus at a time. Not seeing my husband and dogs. The feeling of homesickness.
When I posed this dilemma on Facebook, I had people give me GREAT excuses for an easy out. The mere idea of the Army will always be there, thoughts. Talking with Colin tonight, I realized, that's exactly what it would be, an easy out. The path of "ya know, I did what I could, I'll be fine with this."
I sit back and I look at these options, but I also look at the road I've been going down for the last three years. What's kept me getting up early and running down the roads? What has inspired me to lose 80 pounds and 65 inches?! It wasn't the dream of a 9 to 5 job. That's not my desire. My desire is to see the world, LOVE what I'm doing and wake up in the morning with no regrets. I don't want a life of "What if!?" I also don't want to be that person who says "I'm fine doing this for the next 30 years!"
No. I'm not a cubicle person. I WILL NOT give up on my dream. Not when I've come this far, and have had so many people backing me up! I know if I went with a regular job people would support me 110% but I don't think I could support me 110%.
If you all haven't been able to tell, I love quotes! For some reason, famous people can say things so much better than us normal folk. There is one quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, I found particularly comforting in this time:
"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them."
So, I guess the time has come for me. I now know that I can't give up. While the normal life seems tempting, I now know that where I'm going is where I am really meant to be.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
An explanation of me
I feel like I've been apologizing a lot lately to many people for my workout schedule. It is intense, yes. It's more than most people do, yes. And it even is taking a major priority in my life. I am not able to do everything I would LOVE to do because of it. However, I am not going to apologize anymore!
There are some people who won't understand what it's like to be passionate about anything. I feel very sad for those people. To not have anything to wake up for in the morning, or get them through the day. I've even had someone say "you've only been doing it for three years, it can't be THAT important." Well to those people I say "your child is only three years old, it really can't be THAT important!" Exactly, you know how, well, mean it sounds!
Working out has quite literally changed my entire life! The way I feel about me has done a complete 180! And now I have a goal! A goal which includes an incredibly hard diet (especially when going to numerous Twins games and the State Fair!) and a very rigorous workout routine.
It's funny, I had a good friend of mine say to me last night "ya know, we thought you would get down to your weight and size and say, never mind." I thought that was odd, because that must have been who I was at some point! Not saying it's a bad thing, but the type of person who gets to somewhere and says "well, that's enough!" What working out has taught me, just as a person and about life, is there is ALWAYS one step more.
No longer is there a "oh, I'm there, that's enough!" Nope. I am going to be going to bootcamp. I will be an Officer in the Army. Once I'm in, that won't be enough either. I'll have new goals, new challenges and who knows, by the end of THIS journey, I might come out with a Ph. D. or maybe the Presidency...I guess we'll just have to see!!
There are some people who won't understand what it's like to be passionate about anything. I feel very sad for those people. To not have anything to wake up for in the morning, or get them through the day. I've even had someone say "you've only been doing it for three years, it can't be THAT important." Well to those people I say "your child is only three years old, it really can't be THAT important!" Exactly, you know how, well, mean it sounds!
Working out has quite literally changed my entire life! The way I feel about me has done a complete 180! And now I have a goal! A goal which includes an incredibly hard diet (especially when going to numerous Twins games and the State Fair!) and a very rigorous workout routine.
It's funny, I had a good friend of mine say to me last night "ya know, we thought you would get down to your weight and size and say, never mind." I thought that was odd, because that must have been who I was at some point! Not saying it's a bad thing, but the type of person who gets to somewhere and says "well, that's enough!" What working out has taught me, just as a person and about life, is there is ALWAYS one step more.
No longer is there a "oh, I'm there, that's enough!" Nope. I am going to be going to bootcamp. I will be an Officer in the Army. Once I'm in, that won't be enough either. I'll have new goals, new challenges and who knows, by the end of THIS journey, I might come out with a Ph. D. or maybe the Presidency...I guess we'll just have to see!!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Whole new starts, then and now.
Can you believe it? The State Fair is already here, which means school is starting just around the corner. One of my favorite things to do this time of year is go to Target and walk through the school supplies! I love the smells, seeing the fashions of notebooks (Yeah, they are fashionable, don't lie! I know you spent an hour trying to find the coolest one when you were in school!) and trying to find the best looking and functioning pens (I always got stuck with boring BICs!) Do you remember the anticipation of your first day of school? Whether it was elementary, middle or high school! Not knowing what was going to happen was both the best and the scariest part of all. You never knew who was going to be in your class, what your teacher was going to be like, and best of all, what you were about to learn!
What makes me smirk is the fact that, in my life right now, I am in the exact same position. I'm at a point where, I'm about to have a whole new start! I don't know who I'm going to meet at basic and through my journies. I have no idea what my Drill Instructors are going to be like, or how they'll change my life! I'm going to learn things, see things and do things, that I never thought my life would lead me to!
How exciting?! It's that same feeling of the first day of school all over again. You can feel something about is going to change, for the better! Each year and each step through those hallways is one step closer to the future!!
What makes me smirk is the fact that, in my life right now, I am in the exact same position. I'm at a point where, I'm about to have a whole new start! I don't know who I'm going to meet at basic and through my journies. I have no idea what my Drill Instructors are going to be like, or how they'll change my life! I'm going to learn things, see things and do things, that I never thought my life would lead me to!
How exciting?! It's that same feeling of the first day of school all over again. You can feel something about is going to change, for the better! Each year and each step through those hallways is one step closer to the future!!
Friday, August 5, 2011
How can I not share this??
Can you believe it?! It's been almost three years. Three long, grueling, crazy years!! Initially, I got the idea to join the military right after college in 2007. However, no matter how hard I tried I never could quite get below that certain mark (if you must know, 220 pounds...I know...crazy!) Well you know the rest of the story, I met the people that changed my life!! They effected my everyday.
Let me rephrase that last statement...you know the rest of the story, up until now. Sometimes when you're so strong for so long, it's hard to relax. About one month ago, we decided to make the date of my measurement August 8, Monday. Well the anticipation was quite literally killing me inside. These last 6 days I've been on a no carb, low fat, low sodium diet. I couldn't sleep, was making myself sick, and every thought of "what if" went running through my head. If they could use how I was feeling as torture, it would be illegal.
So, Kelly, my bootcamp instructor, sent me a text last night at about 9 pm saying "let's do a preliminary measurement!" At that point, I did cry. I don't think I could ever hear "You're SO close" again. If I did hear it, my sympathies to that punching bag I got ahold of! Anyway, so as I was sitting there, crying, nervous as all hell, I turned on John Denver. Why? Because I'm sorry, who has a more soothing voice than that man? Exactly, no one.
My alarm goes off today at 5:00. I wake up, look at my ceiling and say to myself "this is it, do or die." Up and out the door I go. I walk in and holy buckets, there are A LOT of people there. Greeted warmly Kelly asked if I wanted to do it now, or after. Well, of course I said after...I gotta get every inch possible off me! :)
So we complete a faboo bootcamp (per usual!) and everyone heads out, and there I am...me, Kelly and the measuring tape. She measures my neck, waist and hips. She measures my waist and says "let me check again!" Of course I'm thinking "oh crap, it went up!" Down 3/4 of an inch!! Then my hips. Oh my dreaded hips! Down an inch and a quarter!!! That's two inches gone...I only had to lose one to pass!!
My friends, I am no long "SO DANG CLOSE" No, I AM THERE! I'm going in Monday to the recruiter's office to get my "official" measurement. Don't worry, I used the official Army measurement AP on my phone, the same one the recruiter uses! :)
So there we go people. What more can I say?! It's time to get studying for that ASVAB again.
If there's something I hope people get from anything you've ever read in this blog, is that, no matter what your dream is, no matter how crazy people think you are, it is possible! ANYTHING is possible. Just put your head down, blinders on, and focus on that goal, because at the end of the day, if you did everything you could do, you're always going to be a success!!
Let me rephrase that last statement...you know the rest of the story, up until now. Sometimes when you're so strong for so long, it's hard to relax. About one month ago, we decided to make the date of my measurement August 8, Monday. Well the anticipation was quite literally killing me inside. These last 6 days I've been on a no carb, low fat, low sodium diet. I couldn't sleep, was making myself sick, and every thought of "what if" went running through my head. If they could use how I was feeling as torture, it would be illegal.
So, Kelly, my bootcamp instructor, sent me a text last night at about 9 pm saying "let's do a preliminary measurement!" At that point, I did cry. I don't think I could ever hear "You're SO close" again. If I did hear it, my sympathies to that punching bag I got ahold of! Anyway, so as I was sitting there, crying, nervous as all hell, I turned on John Denver. Why? Because I'm sorry, who has a more soothing voice than that man? Exactly, no one.
My alarm goes off today at 5:00. I wake up, look at my ceiling and say to myself "this is it, do or die." Up and out the door I go. I walk in and holy buckets, there are A LOT of people there. Greeted warmly Kelly asked if I wanted to do it now, or after. Well, of course I said after...I gotta get every inch possible off me! :)
So we complete a faboo bootcamp (per usual!) and everyone heads out, and there I am...me, Kelly and the measuring tape. She measures my neck, waist and hips. She measures my waist and says "let me check again!" Of course I'm thinking "oh crap, it went up!" Down 3/4 of an inch!! Then my hips. Oh my dreaded hips! Down an inch and a quarter!!! That's two inches gone...I only had to lose one to pass!!
My friends, I am no long "SO DANG CLOSE" No, I AM THERE! I'm going in Monday to the recruiter's office to get my "official" measurement. Don't worry, I used the official Army measurement AP on my phone, the same one the recruiter uses! :)
So there we go people. What more can I say?! It's time to get studying for that ASVAB again.
If there's something I hope people get from anything you've ever read in this blog, is that, no matter what your dream is, no matter how crazy people think you are, it is possible! ANYTHING is possible. Just put your head down, blinders on, and focus on that goal, because at the end of the day, if you did everything you could do, you're always going to be a success!!
HOOAH!!!
P.S. The final stats: 80 pounds gone and 65+ inches off!!
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