A very personal blog...

Ya know, I was just watching a few videos on youtube and reading some of the comments. All of which were in the vicinity of "OMG, I cried so hard watching this video!"  Well, sure the video was sad, and made me get a lump in my throat, I realized, that this past weekend was the first time I really cried this whole deployment. Even the days he left, I cried at the air port, when I was alone, and that was it! I was teary, a little depressed, but never cried!!

Maybe I see it as a sign of weakness or something, and maybe that's why I couldn't stop for two days and I wouldn't leave my place for two days.  There's a part of me that knows, when I cry, I'm leaving myself open for pitty, and I hate that! Yes, Colin is gone, and I miss him like crazy, but what good is it going to do me, sitting home and crying all day? Am I heartless for thinking of it that way? I know before his career is done, and mine as well, we are going to have to say goodbye again, maybe once, maybe twice, three times is also realistic!  It's a reality in the military.

But, again, I ask, why is it, after 11 months of being apart, NOW is when I decide to cry!?  I've tried to be strong for other wives and for friends problems and for friend's joys. I've gone to family events, friend's parties and so many other things as a single, married woman. I'm always there for people, maybe, this one time, I felt like I needed someone here, and no one was. It's a big apartment, and it's just me and the dog. I felt, for the first time, I was truly alone.

I made the comment to a friend the other day that Christmas is the bi-ploar holiday. The ups are SO up and the downs are SOOO down! It's hard being a military wife, but I don't think I would have it any other way. So maybe I'll get one or two more good cries in the next month, but I guess we'll see...well, I will....you won't! :)

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!

Wow! Can you believe it?? It's that time of year already. The time where we all sit down, reflect upon this past year and decide, what did we really enjoy doing, but shouldn't have enjoyed doing SO much? Well, according to about.com, here are the top 10 New Years Resolutions:

1. Spend more time with friends and family. Who doesn't want more of that?
2. Fit in fitness...aka, get your butt off the couch and "join a gym!"
3. "tame the buldge" those love handles, saddle bags, spare tires, or whatever car parts may need trimming!
4. Quit smoking, kind of self explanatory!
5. Enjoy life more! I think this is one that should be on everyone's list!! It's so easy to do!
6. Quit drinking. One of the most difficult apparently.
7. Get out of debt.
8. Learn something new. I think that should be an everyday thing!
9. Help others. Bring the Christmas spirit out all year!
and finally...
10. Get organized!

So, those are the top 10. My resolutions? Well, a little more...expanded!  I don't even remember what mine was from last year, probably to lose weight! As I have learned however this past year, goals need to be specific! So here my friends, is my goal(s):

By August of 2010, I will be 145 pounds and wearing a size 6! This is partially due to a promise made by Norman, whether he likes it or not, I am going to hold him to! If I'm a size 6 by the summer, he will somehow hook me up with meeting Ronde Barber or Mike Alstott...not gonna lie, I REALLY want to meet Mike...REALLY!! He was my favorite Buccaneer of all time.

I know, it's nothing big, it's nothing special, but it's mine and it's specific!

My other goal, which is much more general, is to keep up this blog! It's amazing how therapeutic it is to write, and to know ya'll are reading and supporting me in this journey! Being that Colin and I will be starting school together this fall, we'll have a lot to write about and SO many new journeys!

Merry Christmas everyone...and the best of luck to everyone and your goals with this Happy New Year!!!

Updates of holiday cheer

You know those times when you feel like you've hit a wall? Well, I hit that again the other day. I'm not sure what happened for about a week, but I was feeling so very weak! I gave into a lot of temptation! However, something happened again where I felt great, and was so motivated!

First, I went to Olive Garden and, oh, how I wanted pasta SO bad! Heck, it's Olive Garden, who the heck wouldn't?! But no, I stuck to 1.5 bowls of salad (not the big plastic bowl,  I ate about 2/3 of that thing!) 1 bowl of soup and 2 breadsticks! At the O.G. I'd say that's pretty damn good!

The very next night, was the challenge of Outback Steakhouse! Really? Outback? I met my party there, and what was sitting on the table? The YUMMY bread as well as a bloomin' onion! *sigh* Well, I held it to one slice of bread and 2, count it TWO pieces of bloomin onion! Yeah...you try that! Oi! Along with my Rib Eye steak (lowest cal on the menu!) I enjoyed a nice side of veggies! Mm, broccoli!! So, that was not an easy weekend, b\y any stretch!

Then, my dad and I have a traidition, one week we go downtown, then the next we go to MOA! Let me say, somehow, we both are on diets, yet somehow, I eat more when I am with him than when I'm not! Hmm...Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't do terribly, but, I could have done MUCH better! I know...I'm getting coal for that!

As for workouts, ya know...they're going! My run is getting SO much better! When I'm doing my leaps, I feel like an idiot, I'm not gonna lie, but boy oh boy is it helping! I've taken two minutes off my run so far!! Heck to the yes!

My new goal, is to get my arms nice and...well...nice! It's a definite trouble spot on my body, but I know I can do it, with my help! :)

Other than that folks, that's really about all. Christmas is in a little over a week, and there is SO much prep to do! Wrapping, cooking, enjoying! I hope you all have a very merry Christmas, I'm thinking...New Years Resolutions....

Two steps forward, one step back!

I am SO frustrated right now! Shocker of shockers, I've hit another pleatu, and have been at this point for the last 2 months about. I am getting SO frustrated with this, and with the holidays coming around, it's not making things any easier!! With my newest decision of joining army ROTC, there is a WHOLE new source of frustration, that was not in the original plan.

I now not only have to figure out all our money sources, but I also have to figure out, how the heck I'm going to get into the U of M! There is such a long process I'm honestly a little scared. Of course I have back up plans, when do I NOT have a back up plan? But ya know, I'm getting a little SICK of having to USE my back up plans!

All this stress is now starting to effect my weight again! It's not like I've gained 10 pounds or anything, I'm just going up and down the same 2 or so pounds. I think I'm doing all the right things, but when you want to go into a business that, a certain weight, is required, it gets really frustrating and again, more stressful!

I love this time of year, but when it comes to dieting and such, it's making my life a living a hell!! I work out like a mo-fo, watch what I'm eating, and nothing!! I wish I could say "Oh, I'm gaining muscle!" but I don't know if I am, or if I'm just not going anywhere!! I need something, I don't know what, but something.

Ode to Norman

If you have talked to me in the last 8 or 9 months, you've probably heard me talk about Norman, who I consider my work-out guru! However, I don't think I've ever really told you all about him. So, Norman promised me something to blog about today, so, I am! I'm going to take you guys a little deeper into the odd camaraderie I have with dead Norm.

I remember the first day I met Norman, and I knew right then it was fate.  I was sitting, signing my papers for Golds. We were talking about the personal trainer route, and for the longest time Colin had been saying "Cara, you need to get a trainer! I want you to get a trainer! It will change your life! I promise!" So I decided to take advantage of this deployment, and get a trainer! As I was making this decision, I will never forget, Norman walked up to the table and said "welcome to our dysfunctional family!" That was it! I knew right there that I had found a person, who was rather like minded!

For our first session, I don't even remember the exercises we did. All I remember, is the next day, I was in SO MUCH PAIN!! I could not move an inch!! I'm sure it wasn't even that bad, well, to nows standards! Little did I know, that was the beginning, of the beginning!

Through the past 8, 9 months, I feel like I have grown strong, both physically and mentally.  I never ever would be able to do that alone! We have done crazy tire flips (not with your average car tire mind ya, this is a BIG ass tire!!) I'm doing 90 to 110 pounds on the lat pull down, 3 sets of 20 push-ups (man push-ups mind ya!) tons of running man sit-ups, 25 second arm hangs, and just more general endurance than I ever thought possible! Today, it was totally new, and still, I seem to hurt minorly! :)

I am so thankful everyday that I have a kick ass trainer like Norman! I'm down from a size 16 to a size 10, I'm down almost 65 pounds, and I know that I would never be able to do this on my own! It's not everyday you get to come across a person who motivates you to a point that has never been done before, but can also be considered a friend!!

So, to Norman, since you can't be yelling at a Marine, I challenge you to help me become an airborne ranger!! We are talking hardcore Army my dear friend!  To let up in the least would be a mistake, so, let's take it to the next level!! :)     http://www.stewsmith.com/linkpages/airborne.htm

A quicky, but a goodie!!

I am happy to report, while, the weight is staying rather pleatuish lately, I HAVE GONE DOWN ANOTHER SIZE!!! :D I started at a size 16, and am now down to a 10!! Not only that, but I can breathe, and move and function in them!! This folks, is the smallest jean size I have ever been in, in my entire life!! And it's just gonna keep on going!! WOOP!! *doin' a happy dance, which burns more calories!*

Reflections and the Ghost of Christmas future

Well, today is not so much about weight loss, rather it's about the past 25 years of my life, and what lead to today!  One chilly December 3rd night in 1984, the world was introduced, to ME! Who would have thought, in a mere quarter of a century, so much could happen!

People have come and gone in my life, some have made an amazing impact! Of course Colin and my parents, of course my sister with the rest of my family, and of course my friends. However, there is ONE man who has stuck by my side since I was born. He never would let me be harmed, and he has guided me my whole life.  This man is my poppop, my mum's dad.

He passed away when I was in 4th grade, and I knew, even though I didn't even cry at his funeral, that there was gonna be an ultimate void in my life. He was the one adult who sat and played Power Rangers with me! He taught me to play poker when I was in kindergarden, and let us put bows in, what hair he had left!

While he taught me a lot when he was alive, little did I know I would learn more from him after he died. About seven months ago was the first time I went to go visit his grave since he died. When I got there, something happened and life just became a little more clear.  My poppop was a Sgt in the US Army during WWII. According to my mum, he sure loved his Army!  When I was struggling with Colin's deployment, I talked to him.  When I was having a hard time with my diet, I talked to him. With every visit, and every "conversation" we had, I found a whole new strength.

Finally, about 3 weeks ago, I had my workout with the Marines, and it was terrible!! Naturally, I went to visit him! As I walked up to his headstone, I just started to cry! I felt like a failure and I felt I was never going to meet the expectations I had for myself! I stayed for almost an hour.  Later that day, I had my ROTC meeting. Coincidence? I don't think so! I think life is a giant pot, and poppop has his finger in, swirling it around!

I can't talk about the influence that my poppop has had, without talking about my grandpa! My dad's dad. I was about a year old when he died, so I never got to know him. He too was in WWII, and after his service, he also became a police officer. He, in my mind, is a prime example of service. My dad loved his dad, and I know that, even if I never had the chance to really meet him, he's right next to poppop, saying "Ya know Robert, no granddaughter of ours is going to be a Jar Head!"

As for the future, who knows what it may bring? Sure, I have goals, but I never shut the door on life!! There are SO many great things that lay down the road, school, the Army, a family, and experiencing everything life has to give!! How could you NOT be excited for the future??? Baby, it's so bright you should be wearing shades!!

So, here my friends, is to another 25 years of a healthy, strong, happy life! I know that, through time, things are going to change, but my husband, my family and friends will always be here, and I hope, in 25 years, I'm still getting all your wonderful facebook messages! Love you all, and thank you for helping to shape the person I am today!!

Holidays- a diet's worst enemy!

Happy post- Thanksgiving everyone! I hope all your holidays were fun and cheerful!!

Personally, my Thanksgiving was filled with food and fun, and more food! I was able to eat my favorite...Pumpkin Pie!! And I loved and savored every single second, which is how food should be eaten I do suppose! However,

Okay, so it could be SO much worse, I could be back up to my starting weight and feeling bloated and still full from the weekend! What is it about this time of year, that brings the food lovers out in all of us! I know it does for me! For foods that normally wouldn't pass these lips "Oh, it's only once a year, what will it hurt!?" However, what if I did that for every single holiday? So here, my friends, is a "well it's only once a year" list!

January- New Years! Mini sausages, champaign, and tons of munchy things. What's a few extra cheese and crackers? After all, it's only once a year!

February- Valentines Day! Oo, can we say chocolate everyone? Creme filled, solid milk and dark, big pieces in a BIG heart! Then of course, don't forget our romantic dinners by candlelight! With soft music and 2000 calories! However, it's only once a year!

March- For me, anniversary time!! If you're like us, the first question "oh, where should we go eat for our anniversary?!" Usually, a place that specializes in delicious steaks and desserts! But again, it's all good, it's only once a year!

April- Easter time! Bunny rabbit stew? No, I'd say not, but Ham, and casserols, and stuffing and eggs, MM, that, a good Easter dinner, makes! Why are we worrying though? It's only once a year!

May- Well, what on Earth holiday is in May you might ask?  Well folks, can we say, Mother Day?! Oo, those mother's day buffets are divine! But it's for mom, and it's only once a year!

June- If it's not for mum, it must be for Dad! For June is father's day! Let us remember our dads, by shoving our faces! It's fathers day, it's only once a year! (I should tell you too, June 1st, is national donut day!)

July- God Bless America....with burgers, brats, potato salad and blowing things up...including our bellies!!

August- Can you believe summer is almost done? Well, let's celebrate with one last camping trip! I bring the smores, you bring the beer, they'll bring the weiners and buns!! We only get to go once a year though! It's a special occasion!!

September- man, back in school already! However, it's time for our Labor Day BBQ!! Beans and potato salads, burgers and brats, beer and friends! It's cool though, it's just one last hurrah!!

October- Spooks and ghouls come out, to Target, in the candy section! Did you ever know how many more candies appear on the market around this time?!  It's so easy to buy ONE bag and be like, "well it's Halloween! What would Halloween be without Candy corn?!" After all, it's only once a year!

November- duh! We all just went through the infamous Turkey day! Sure, turkey is great for you, just, when you add potatoes, gravy, casserols, stuffing and of course, PUMPKIN PIE!! But we're with family, and it just doesn't happen that often!!

December- Who are we kidding folks? The entire month is one big food festival! People making cookies, parties to go to, and everyone to shoving their own specialties at you!! It's SO great! And it's Christmas after all, it's only once a year!

Think about this, for every special occasion, we add an extra, 700 calories to our day! That's at least an extra 8,400 calories a year! AT LEAST!! 700 is pretty gracious if you ask me! So this holiday season, don't skimp, just think about what's going into your mouth! If you can't resist, most gyms are open the morning of the Holiday! Hit it up for a bit! You'll feel MUCH better when you eat that pumpkin pie!!

My decision...

So many thoughts, so many concerns, so many choices!

Well, I'm going to cut to the chase, I have made my decision as to what I'm going to do. I, Cara Ann Berg Rainey, am going to be in town for the next couple years. I am going to be a grad student at the U of Minnesota, and be part of the ROTC program!

Why did I make this decision? Well, let me start by saying there were three people I really had to talk to, to feel as if my decision was the right one.

First and foremost the most important person to help, was Colin. When I told him about the ROTC idea, of course he was behind it! It wasn't until I told him what I was going to do that he got really excited, which helped me know I made the right one. Our first conversation was about an hour long and he helped me sort through all my options, and helped me take a look at all my options (see previous post).  I am so lucky that he is supportive as he is.  The next couple years are going to be hard, financially and physically and mentally! So, knowing that we would get to spend the next two years together is an awesome and amazing thought!!

The next person I really needed to talk was Norman. For the last 9 months, I have been working like a mo-fo to get in shape for the Marines!! So, I needed to make sure from him that, in his mind, it wouldn't be giving up. Basically, these are the points I got out of our conversation. First, it wouldn't be giving up, because I will still be going into the military! Next, who is to say, I can't be a bad ass soldier? Why can't I take all the standards of the marines and bring them over to the army? Talk about an awesome leader! To be able to physically challenge the soldiers I will lead, to keep them with Marine physical standards and army mental standards!  Next, he made the point that, the army can give me a marriage, which I would not have as a Marine.  So, there was a lot more to it, but I'm trying to keep it SOMEWHAT short for ya'll!

So, those two are my emotional and physical gurus, who I look to for advice in the matters of life and, well, physical challenges. My last person I looked to was the man who got this ALL started, Ret. Col. Bob Ayotte.  To think, if he and my dad had never run into each other in Cub months ago, who knows what would be going on!  Because of this man, I have a feeling my marriage will be a very successful one, and I will more than flourish as an Army Officer!

Isn't it funny how ONE  day can change an entire lifetime? Never take one for granted folks! You just never know what moment will change your life forever!!

Army vs. Marines...which is better?

Well, maybe not better, but which is the right path for me?

For so long, I've poured everything into the Marines, and now, the thought going through my head is "If I go any other route besides Marines, I will be a failure..." I have people telling me that, that is wrong, yadda yadda, but that's how I feel! I feel like I would be letting myself, and ALL OF YOU down. I do love the Marines, but I love being with Colin! So here is my pros and cons list of both branches of service, up to this point:

Marines, PROS:
- empowerment
- part of a VERY elite few
- tough both physically and mentally
- shorter deployments
- resume uniqueness
- won't be able to join in 2 years
- male dominated
- I get to serve
- very slow promotion rate

Marines, CON
- Colin = Army (not living together)
- about a year and a half of training, away from everyone
- demanding
- male dominated
- fewer opportunities (deployments & MOS)
- fewer places to live and transfer to
- can deploy at a drop of a hat

Army ROTC, PRO
- get a free Masters degree
- get to be with Colin, possibly even at the same base
- I get to serve
- more chances for deployments
- faster promotion rate
- many places to live (including Colorado, or Maryland!)
- a lot of MOS opportunities
- get to go to the U of M for a while!
- Make HISTORY at the U of M, being the first married couple ever through the ROTC program
- get to be with family for the next couple years

Army ROTC, CON:
- I don't get to be a Marine, and I let everyone down
- I spend 2 years in poverty with Colin
- longer deployments
- takes longer to get my commission
- not as much camaraderie as with the Marines
- have the constant question "what if?" in the back of my mind
- I already have a lot of Marine crap! lol
- probably will move around a lot more

There are more to each of the lists, but, just right off the top of my head, this is my pros and cons! People, I am SO darn torn still. Normally by now, I have a pretty clear cut idea, but I just don't know! I hope this helps all of ya to get an idea as to what's going on in my head and why it's eating me alive!

A whole nother path?

It's so funny how, you are SO set on a path then all of the sudden something happens that makes you think something TOTALLY different!!

For the last 7 months I have been training SO hard to get into OCS. The work I have done has exceeded all my my expectations! When, a couple months ago, I sat down with one of my dad's friends', ret. Col. Ayote. A wonderful man, incredibly knowledgeable about the military! And, he mention ROTC. At first I just brushed it off like it was the "easy" way out. I went today and talked to the ROTC people.  I walked out of there more confused than ever!!

One of the BIGGEST downsides to going the ROTC route, is I would have to give up on my Marine dream. The thought is beyond heartbreaking to me. As I found out when I called and got more information, the rude lady on the phone said "Um, that might be the army, but we don't allow grad students to be in ROTC!" With attitude! I wanted to be like "F-U lady! Up your nose with a rubber hose!"  I just don't know how willing I am to toss my hands up and be like "oh, well, I tried!" I can't! That's not me!!

The plus side to ROTC: I would get a FREE masters degree, as well as my commission in the army. I also would get to spend the next two years with Colin, actually being a family. I would get to celebrate Christmas, go to the state fair, enjoy life! Again, plus a free masters degree! That's something that will never leave me!

Again though, how willing am I to turn my back on the Marines? For the last seven months, I eat, sleep and breathe Marines! They have gotten me to here! I Love the Marines. I want to be one of the few and the proud!  My heart is SO split it's not even funny! My mind is in SO many directions, and it's amazing how hard this is!!

I need advice from family, my friends, and yeah, I'm tuning to religion, I need help from God! I am meant for the military, I know I am! But....where???

The beginning of the beginning...

Tomorrow is one of the biggest steps I've made in my weight loss journey so far! Tomorrow, I will arise at 0600, drive to Bishop Whipple Federal Building, and start my group training with the Marines. It's a program they have for people who are passionate about getting in, but need a little extra help!

How this started....

Yesterday I was feelin' SO good about myself. I requested more info about the OCS program, which in turn, sent me an email with the email address of who to contact for more information at Ft. Snelling. So, rather than waiting, I decided to be proactive and email them myself. So, that I did. I told the whole story in a hand basket! Within 5 minutes (I'm not kidding you, 5...for a military organization to respond...yeah, WHOA!) I got a response saying they really liked my passion and wanted to talk to me more. So, I responded with my number.

Again, within 3 minutes, MAX, I had a call from them! So, we chit chatted a while about why I wanted to join, yadda yadda. The most unfortunate part about the Marine, unlike all other branches, they strictly go by height and weight! With the army, they look at your body fat percentage, as do the others I believe, as a way to determining whether you're fit enough or not. Marines? Nope. Just height and weight!

Unfortunately, even with how much I've lost, I still don't qualify... yet. So, as we were talking, he transfered me over to an officer. He was telling me about his PT class he started a few weeks ago! His direct words "We love your passion for the Marines, and as soon as we get you within 10 pounds of the needed weight, we're going to talk about your future as a Marine Corps Officer!"  Okay, hearing a Marine Officer say those words, gave me crazy confidence!! Not a "if you get to where you need to be!" NO! It's "as soon as we do!"

I am going to be working with them Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and working with Norman Tuesday and Thursdays! Insane? Perhaps!! But there's a reason they're lean and mean, they're the U.S. MARINES! Soon...I will be too!

Another (not so) small accomplishment!!

One of my favorite parts about losing weight (besides losing it) is accomplishing things which before I never could have done! Tonight, I have achieved that!!

When I started my journey, I could not do a flexed arm hang to save my life! Gravity was not my friend. While, it's still not my friend, I'm conquering it second by second! As shown in previous post, to get into the Marines, I need to do a 15 second arm hang.

Well my dear friends and readers, I am SO happy to tell you, with over 2 months to go, I am at 14.5 second arm hang! yes...14.5!!

Can you believe it??? By the end of next month, I could have my papers signed for the USMC!!!!! I think about it and I get kind choked up, I'm not gonna lie! The little fat girl we all once knew, is gone folks! She is gonna be a strong, tough, solid, in your face bad ass Marine!!  OORAH!!!

Last 20-25 pounds! I'M STUCK!

I am stuck!

I have about 25 more pounds to go.  I am down 60, which I am SO very proud of, I'm not gonna lie, cus it took a lot to get there!

However, I am on the last leg and my body is feeling it!! It has gotten used to my exercise routines, it has gotten used to my diet and my weight is starting to flat line again. I have read article after article about how to lose those last pounds, and I tell ya, they don't sound effective to me, if that makes sense! They are SO restricting!

I'm thinking about cleaning out my fridge and cabinets and doing a full protein thing! I know for the few to no carb thing really isn't the most healthy, but it will get me to where I need to be to go sign my papers! Then bootcamp will help me keep it off for a while! :D

I need help on this, I'm not going to lie. I've had a really good hand on everything so far, but it's getting difficult!  HELP ME!!!

My diet plan

I realized, after all these posts, I have never posted just what I'm doing, and what my daily life is like, diet and exercise wise!

Well, as I awaken to the world bright and early, okay, we'll say about 0743 (alarm is set for 0800, but I always wake up early!) with my breakfasts, I try to consume a protein and a fat and a starch. Most times I don't get all three, I'm not going to lie, but I do my best to keep it under 300 calories!  My favorite breakfast lately has been 2 whole grain waffles with 1 tbls PB.  MmM! Nummy!

So my food through the day is very consistent.  I try to eat every few hours, and I TRY my best to up the protein over anything else. How many calories I eat varries a lot on my exercise. I eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day (MOST days, I don't get up to 1500) When I diet, that's about the extent!

 I have a few rules for myself however. I don't follow them 100% of the time, I'm not going to lie, maybe 97%!  No nibbles of anything, unless it's veggies with nothing on them! The easiest way to accomplish this, make your nibble foods, totally unaccessible!! Or, if you're like me and LOVE to nibble, figure it all out and count the calories, and then nibble away! Just do NOT go beyond what you have written down! My dad had a saying I love "you nibble, you scribble!" That's the way it has to be, easy as pie! MmM, pie!

Exercise! This is my FAVORITE part of dieting, I'm not gonna lie to you! I LOVE to workout now! I love going to Golds, I love seeing the people, I love getting on that treadmill listening to my running cadences and I love lifting weights! Okay, there is eye candy at the gym, again, not gonna lie to you, so that makes it easier to go! (Leave me alone, my husband's been gone a year! lol!) The other thing that has helped MAJORLY is working with Norman. Not just because he pushes me beyond what I ever thought I could do, but because it's someone to workout with and keeps me honest! Finding people you love to spend time with is awesome when you can spend some time together at the gym!

I go to the gym 6 days a week! Every single time, I do cardio! Even if it's just 10 minutes, I cannot stress enough CARIDO, CARDIO, CARDIO AND CARDIO!!!!! If you don't like the treadmill, elliptical or bike, take a class! Most gyms offer free aerobic classes of some type! Take a swim! There are SO many ways to get in cardio, but it is VITAL to losing weight!  I do weights at least 4 times a week. Upper one day, bottom another, core another, and the 4th day is a sort of, free for all! Emphasize the part you really want to work on! Me, it's my arms so you'll find me doing that more often than not!

With diet and exercise alone, some people can succeed! What makes what I'm doing different than others, and other times I've dieted, is motivation! I have a very specific goal in mind! Before, I used to say "I want to lose weight!" Okay, I lost a pound, WOOHOO! I lost weight! This time is SO much different! My goal was and is "I want to lose 100 pounds, by the Spring, to join the Marine Corps, and attend OCS!"  VERY specific! Are you planning a trip? Say to yourself "I want to lose___pounds for my trip to_____by_______" I don't think I can stress enough HOW important this step was in my weight loss, and still is!!

Finally, I used the power of the mind! One thing I do every single night, is I imagine how I am going to look, on graduation day, standing there in my greens at attention! I can tell ya, I look DAMN good!!! I see myself every night the way I want to be! Start seeing yourself that way! The first thing you think of in the morning? "Today, I will be one step closer, one day closer, one moment closer, to my goal! How will I do that? I will watch what I eat, I will go to the gym, even if I don't want to!"

You have to do this, if you want to, FOR YOU! If in your mind, you're not ready, it won't work! I promise that! If you are really ready, and want any help, I will be more than wiling to help you out! Maybe...start a blog? Keeps ya honest and real!

Taking it to the next level!

Okay, so the down period is done...for now! :)

Usually after these brief downfalls, I like to come back stronger than before! I feel that's what I'm doing again this time.  In three days I have worked out harder than I have for the entire past month combined! I plan to continue this pattern tomorrow, and Friday! Maybe it's a mistake saying on here that I'm ready for that step, but I am!

Today in Norman's bootcamp, I felt like I almost achieved more, personally, than I have to date!  I was able to do my flexed arm hang for seven seconds! With my hips and gravity working hand in hand, this will cause me great annoyance! So, it's not quite there, but if you are wondering, here are the requirements I need to just get into bootcamp:

15 Second flexed arm hang
50 Crunches in 2 minutes
and a 31 minute 3 mile.

Sound easy? It's not, I swear! For someone who started out in as bad of shape as I did, I know I have more work to do than most going in, but it's time to take it to the next level!  I've got the crunches down pat, that's not problem! The next thing I have to work on is my endurance for the run! I can run a 10 minute mile, it's running it constantly! I took a hit on my run! I was up to 4 this summer, but something happened, I'm not sure what! Well, it's time to get that back up! As for the arm hang, well...I'm working on that too! I'm hoping I can get as close, if not beyond, where I need to be, and adrenaline will help me out even more! :D

 If you want to know more about what I have to accomplish in the next month or two, I've included a link  so you can check it out!

With all the help I've had so far, I KNOW I can accomplish this! Thank you all for your support! You don't know how much your words of encouragement have helped! I'm thinking of all you guys when I'm training, and you all make me remember WHY I'm doing what I'm doing! So thank you over and over all!

What I need to become a Marine...part one! 

Discouragements!

Weight loss, and the training I'm doing is one of the biggest emotional roller-coasters I've ever been on!  You think puberty is bad, try losing 100 pounds!

Yesterday, I was feeling SO good about myself! Able to wear clothing I've never been able to. Today...a much different story! As I finished my physical therapy today I was feelin' pretty good! Not the best, but good.  Then I went to the gym. I did my elliptical machine for half n hour and was doing okay. Then I got on the treadmill and STRUGGLED!! I could barely go at the 6.0 pace for 3 minutes!! I barely got to half a mile!! Sure, something is better than nothing, I know, but for those who don't know, in the Marines, you can run up to 6 miles at a time at bootcamp. Not a stroll of 6 miles, a RUN!! But you do it almost everyday!

When I think about that, my heart gets so heavy and I just question what I'm doing...again. Am I really meant to be one of the best of the best?? My heart and my soul say "oo-rah, Semper Fi" but my body is saying "viva Air Force! Let's take the easy way out!"

But I can't!! I'm at the point where, anything other than the Eagle, Globe and anchor on my chest is not right, and it's giving up! Ladies and gentlemenwelcome to the scariest roller-coaster on Earth- the roller-coaster of Cara's emotions!!

Small accomplishments!!

For the first time, pretty much ever in my life, I was able to shop in a mainstream popular store...in the women's section!!!  I thought I would take a gamble today and go ahead, and get a sweatshirt...heck why not get two???!!  So, ya know what? I DID!! I got home, and guess what? THEY BOTH FIT...WELL!!! It's not a big thing, I know. But when you've had to avoid the women's section of these stores your whole life, it's a big deal! :) I can now shop....anywhere!!!

Lessons of a "once was a, now not so much a" fat girl!

I was shopping at Target a couple days ago, and I saw a sign, it said "God, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!'  Why this really caught my eye, was, not 24 hours before that, I had another friend say that exact same thing! Why would people think that?? I thought friends were just supposed to be happy for each other? I know my one friend was saying it in jest, but it still got me thinking.  My view on MANY things have changed since this weight has been coming off! Here are a few of the lessons learned thus far!

1. When you achieve success that is one of the appearance factor, many people are not genuinely happy about it. As a matter of fact, they are unhappy about it! You will say how much you've lost, then automatically, it turns RIGHT back to them and what they have achieved, with little to no acknowledgement. LUCKILY, most folks I have met, have been awesome and SO supportive! However, there are some, as soon as the weight goes down, I haven't heard from them since!

2. Clothes shopping CAN be fun! This was a lesson I learned strictly for myself.  When I was young, I didn't like the way my sister dressed. I thought it was too...risque. Well, if you know my sister, you know it's about as far from that as anything!  What I've discovered, was I was SO jealous of the clothes she could wear, and I had to hide my body.  What's funny about this, is, now I can wear clothes that are more form fitting, however, I still choose my jeans and sweatshirts that are too baggy.I do it though, because I WANT to do it! :)

3. My third lesson, when you change things for YOU, if feels SO good!

4. It's easier for me to see...me. Who I am, who I want to be, who I want to associate with. Without layers surrounding me,  I've let more people in who change my everyday, but the layers I have gotten rid of, are the people who brought me down. Who made me feel like crap. It's also the negative attitude about life I peeled away. I used to be a closet pessimist, I'm saying that now. It's something most don't know about me. I doubted everything in life, I always found the negative because somehow, I thought it made me feel better. Now, I've found the good in life, and when you look, there is A LOT of good! I guess that could be lesson 4.5!

5. It's FUN to be active!!! It's fun to go out and play football rather than sit at home and watch TV! It's fun to go visit people you haven't in a long time, than to sit and eat! It's REALLY fun, to plan your future!!! And, ya know what? I don't mind running even!!

So those are my first few lessons I've learned! Okay, they're not 5+5 type lessons, but they are new things I am discovering, and being reconfirmed every day! Life is good, sometimes you just have to peel back the layers to discover it!

Random note + W.L. update!

My random note:

I took Tony to the dog groomer this morning. He started smelling a little too much like a dog!  Anyway,  as I walked in my apartment, for the first time, I heard no chains jingling or tail thumping, or someone sitting there wondering why I haven't given him a Scooby Snack yet! Man, if I didn't have Tony, this deployment would be SO much harder!! Coming home everyday to an empty place would be beyond torture! I am so very thankful that I at least have my 4 legged furry companion! He knows when I'm sad, and he is a great listener! So, when things get hard these next 4.5 months, I'll at least have my Tony!

Okay, and my weight loss update!

At Golds, I signed up for a 12 week challenge.  Well, we reached the halfway mark, so we had to do a little check in! I would like to remind you, in these past 6 weeks, I went on a couple vacations, as well as my car accident. Well, during those past 6 weeks, I have lost 8 pounds! Sure, compared to what I HAVE been losing before this, it's a little slower. However, it's supposed to slow down. My body has been adjusting to this change!  The change of eating well, exercising on a higher scale, no longer drinking alcohol,  and just a general healthier lifestyle.

SO, 8 pounds, in 6 weeks, is just over a pound a week! (Duh!) I only have about 35 more pounds to go before I go sign my papers!! If I'm feeling hardcore, I may just go a little earlier. My goal is to go talk to the recruiters by Christmas, then take the tests in the New Year!

That, my dear friends, is my random note and update!

Never give up!

My accident was one week ago, and I still hurt, and man, does it suck!! However, I got my butt out of bed this morning, and finally got back to Golds.


As I was running on the treadmill, every bounce of the run hurting, I looked at myself in the reflection of the tv connected to my running machine, and asked myself "What would a Marine do?" So, I bumped it up a notch to get myself to a decent paced run.  Sure, it's not quite back up to where I was before, but I can't make excuses anymore.


This last week, I was feeling sorry for myself, hoping this wasn't going to effect my USMC career. So I decided the only way it would, was if I let it!  I CANNOT give up on this dream! There are a FEW quotes that I feel fit very well in this situation. I am going to share a few, in my mind, that are the best. I hope you can look relate them to yourself, and your goals, whatever they may be!!


"Better a Has-been than a Never-was. But better a Never-was than a Never-tried-to-be."
Anonymous

"No one will ever see me quit, because I simply won't. If I start something, I will finish it and do it well."

Steve Belmarsh 

"Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world."

Jane Addams

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

Vacations!

Oh my goodness! Talk about obstacles! I, Cara, just returned two days ago, from a beyond whirlwind vacation! It started out wonderfully, until the, what became, second to last day, when my car was totaled. Don't worry, everyone is fine, but it took a HUGE emotional toll.

Since I've been back, I have been dealing with insurance people up the wazoo.  While I have WONDERFUL coverage, both medical and auto, sometimes it's still really hard and quite stressful.

So, needless to say, the last week has been beyond KILLER on my diet.  I am not proud to admit it, but I ate some foods that normally would not cross the threshhold of my mouth. However, I did my best at writing it down and not fretting TOO much. It was vacation afterall!

So, after I got home, delt with the insurance folk, I thought to myself "Cara, are you ready to see the damage of the past week?" I stepped on the scale, and low and behold, I gained ONE POUND!! That was it! I was SO proud of myself I didn't completely blow everything I had worked SO hard for!!

One last interesting note. As I was at the ER after the accident, the nurses kept asking me what I did for a living. Obviously, I explained, nothing, at the moment. I then went on telling them my story, how much I work out, etc, etc. What the nurse and the doctor even told me, had I not been in the physical condition I am in, I could be in MUCH worse shape than I am now. As in, still in the ER with more internal injuries.

It's a good lesson to everyone! Working out, getting in shape, it's not just for the military. It's for everyday well being! You NEVER know when something is going to happen, and I hope you all really think hard about it!  I'm thanking everyone who has helped these last 6 months, because had you all not, who knows if I would still be here typing all of this!

Obstacles

I was asked today, "what's the hardest obstacle you've come across in your weight loss, thus far?" Of course I started listing things like the bakery at cub, or the pizza shop down the road.  Then later, while in my own movie world, I got thinking a little bit deeper.


While those are very hard things to overcome, what are my serious obstacles?  Everyday I wake up and have to tell myself "you can do it!" because, my hardest obstacle in my life, is just that, life!  My mind and my heart battle each other, every single day, and I am stuck in the middle.  It's not even just about weight loss all the time, it's about constantly doing the right thing. 


So, how do I get through the days?? My answer. . . hell if I know! Each day I struggle, with what I should be doing in my life.  I see my friends going to work, and having careers, creating lives for themselves. I'm jealous! I wish I could be okay with that. I really do. But, my heart is telling me not to settle. Don't settle for anything less than I dream to be! Right now, that dream is to be part of the Few and the Proud.  However, my head goes to the mailbox everyday and sees the bills. My head sees friends being able to afford more lavish things. It sees the fact, that I am choosing a route, that, in reality, I may fail at.  And that's the battle of the head and the heart.  That is my obstacle.  


Again, how do I get through the day? Just that. I get through, one day at a time.  Everyday is a challenge when you're trying to accomplish something big.  Rome wasn't built in a day, and my weight wasn't added in a day!

"Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it."  ~Joe Clark.  I will never accept defeat. When I lose the weight I need, I will sign the papers, I will take the tests and I will go. If, by some odd reason, I don't make it through OCS, I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I gave it everything I could.  It took a while, but I got there one step at a time!  So, head & heart...it's time you start listening to me!!

Workouts in the top 10

While I was working out today with Norman, he gave me the great idea for my newest blog.  While dieting is helping MAJORLY with my weightloss, one of the other major factors is my workouts.

I wish I could take credit for always kicking my own ass, but, alas, I cannot take the credit for all of it!  Since starting at Golds, I have found muscles that I never knew even existed. So, here I am going to compile a list of my favorites/least favorite exercises.  I put them together for a reason.  While they cause a lot of pain during, after I usually feel pretty good. There have been SOOO many, so I will just do the top 10!

1. The first exercise I should mention is the one, that for me, causes the most pain! The Dropsets. It's all in the legs folks!  You lay on your back and we start at 250 pounds.  Do 10 presses, then Norman hurries his butt, takes 50 off, and ya do 10 again.  We usually go about 4 rounds with less and less weight each round. Press 4 times, break and repeat! While you may think "Oh, the weights get less, it must get easier..." WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! It's just as hard the last time. Your legs get to exhaustion and boom...you're done!

2. Body Bag Drags.  Sure it sounds morbid, but it works ya! You have 2 people, one sits on the bag or rug, or whatever may be handy, and the other person pulls! Very simple, but very effective! Works forearms hard core as well as much of the lower body!

3. Indian "Native American" Run. Not totally sure which is the P.C. way, but, it is what it is.  This requires several people. You jog in a single file line.  The person in the back then sprints to the front, and you keep going and going until you reach your desired distance. I personally like this with fewer people, 4 or 5! It takes less time to be able to do your sprints and allows for a better pace in my mind.

4. Hill Sprints, are usually RIGHT after the Indian run! :) It's exactly what they sound like. Sprints, up a hill! It's a pain in the butt, however, it does help with your overall run I've discovered.

5. Running Man...sit ups with a kick!! Imagine doing a sit-up, with the use of your arms and legs and times it by two! Yup, pain to the 10th degree! I love it!!

6. Planks/ Patty Cake Planks. For those who don't know, a plank is a push up position just on your elbows rather than arms extended.  Now, get a partner, face each other, get in the plank position, and start playing patty cake!! Ya think it's easy, I would say...NO! It's fun though and makes ya feel REALLY good when you're done!

7. Tractor Tire: One of my new favorites!! This is where I got what I now call, my "Glory bruises!" Have a spare tractor tire sitting around? Well...Flip it! A few times! And there ya go! You've got a super crazy, unique and really fun work out!!

8. Reverse Grip Pulldown. We've all seen the machine, and chances are, most of us have used it! While it's a very simple exercise, it's very effective. Every time we use that machine, I feel it in my forearms like crazy! It's helping with my grip, which is pretty weak, and it's helping me with pull up technique!

9. Step Monster, a.k.a. Step Master thingy machine! Usually done in between a set of some sort of weight, doing it at 2 minutes at a time, believe it or not, will wear you out.

10.  Ladder Exercises! Okay, so my coordination is not really one of...expertise...but I really like the ladder exercises! Whether it's the alyshuffle, or ladder jacks, it matters not! It's something different, and ya'll know me, you know I like variety!!

Well, that's my top 10!  I hate them, and I love them! And I NEVER would have been able to do what I'm doing without the help of Norman, I'm not gonna lie. I've tried a lot to lose and to exercise, and while I dieted and did exercises, I think I've never done them actually done things correctly. Now that I am, I feel it every Monday, Wednesday and Fridays! :)

If I was asked to describe the workouts in one word, there is one specifically that comes to mind... "PAIN!"

Motivation

So many times I get up in the morning, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I get to a point of being lost and confused!  While it's your inner-self that truly gets you going, sometimes you need physical reminders.  There's only so much my mind can take.  So, throughout my apartment, I leave reminders to tell me why!

This is one of the first things I see in the morning.  While I love my family, sometimes it's hard to feel like ya just, fit in! It's was that way in school too! There was ALWAYS something missing. It wasn't like, black sheep, but it was a call that felt like something wasn't there that should be! So, to remind me of what I will gain when I get through this, I hung this poster in my closet, next to all my clothes. 

This next sign is one I have hanging as I leave my bedroom in the morning. 

Just remember, one day, one step, one DECISION at a time.

Finally, as you walk out my front door, this is the sign that is hanging up! 

If you think you're not going to achieve your goal, you won't, simple as that! 

To be able to get in the mindset of failure not being an option, it's amazing what 

the world looks like!

Finally, while motivation at home is the utmost important, sometimes have motivation when you're out running, or even just at the grocery store is just as vital! So what better way than having a shirt that makes you feel powerful? When you put it on, you walk through that bakery isle, with your head held high and you say to yourself "NO DONUT...I SHALL NOT EAT YOU!"And  you don't!  Instead, you splurge in the veggie isle! Why? Because you have a constant motivation! You have something to remind you of what makes you powerful! For me, it's this, my favorite t-shirt!

I hope this gave ya'll a few ideas. If your goal isn't to lose weight, that's cool, but we all have hopes and dreams! Don't lie, I know you do! :)  So, I hope some of these help you with your first step to your goal!

The beginning!

Okay, I have started in the middle of my journey, so this particular post, is to get you all up to date. You know, the "who, what, where, when why" and I will even toss in more than a few, "whys!"

Let's start at the very beginning. It was a cold, December night in 1984! Wait, okay, I'll skip up a few years!  My trouble with my weight has been something that I've been struggling with since I realized how much pressure there was to look a certain way.  So, elementary school! I was always the fat kid.  I never passed a Presidential Fitness Test. I was the first target in dodge ball, and I would be damned if I would EVER climb that stupid rope!

So, I went along in school, deciding, I was always going to be the fat friend that just made ya laugh! And I was okay with that, until one day, I could not find a pair of jeans under a 20 that would fit.  So, with the help of my sister and my mom, I did weight watchers, and did very well....for a while!

Then, college came! Freshman 15? Oh HELL no! Let's try 20 or 30.   So, after MANY failed attempts in college to lose weight, and repeat, MANY, I graduated! I went to China, I got married, and again fell into the "I'm just residing to the fat life" again.  I didn't like my jobs, I didn't like many co-workers, I struggled finding me.

So, I did what any person would do, I got a new job! Little did I know, at this point, this job would change my view on life!  I got a job at the Fort Snelling Base Exchange. While it was a just a little hole in the wall store, I met some amazing people! Still, at my highest weight ever, I started to not feel like, well, the fat kid! It was amazing!

Then we got the news of Colin's deployment. In January of 2009, my husband of less than one year, would be shipping off to Iraq for his third deployment.  And here I am, little wifey, working at the BX, eating my way through.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks...I don't want to do this forever! I have a college degree and I want to do something with it!  While this economy sucked, my options as a PR person, were not one of, many!  So what can I do?

The summer previous, I had attempted to join the U.S. Army! That was a BIG fail! So I got to talking to some of the regular customers about my goals, about getting out of here, and possibly joining the army again! Tell a Marine you want to join the Army, and oh boy, hell is raised! 

So, the decision was made. I was not going to join the Air Force, I wasn't going to join the Navy and the Army was out, so what was left? The only option, of course, was to join the best of the best, the United States Marine Corps!!

My goal is in place! It took failure, after failure after criticism after rejection after tears, and after a WHOLE lot of frustration, but I got my dream.  Next step, getting to that dream!

So I joined a gym, Golds Gym to be a matter of fact! And that was the beginning of it all!  As I was sitting there, signing my papers, my fate walked up, and said "Welcome to our dysfunctional family!" I knew then, he was the trainer that I wanted! So I had my first session the following week with Norman and oh my GOD, pain is not even the right word to describe it.  Through the next few months however, I worked my butt off!!  Norman taught me SO many things, not just about fitness but I learned that I was able to push myself through anything! I had more fire in my soul than I ever though was there! I had determination and strength!! For diets: I wrote down everything that went in my mouth! I ate 1200 to 1500 calories and things were going great!!

Sure, I've hit a pleatu or two! While during them it's VERY discouraging, I just stuck with it!! The results?  So FAR, I have lost 51 pounds, and almost 21 inches!  I am going to admit it here people, because, it's like AA...I used to have a problem, but I'm taking steps. At my highest weight, I weighed 244 pounds! Yes...it was bad, and I was VERY unhealthy! I am now at 193 pounds, and am still losing!  I have 43 pounds to go before I go sign my papers for the Marine Corps, so I hope you all will come along on this next half of my Weight Loss Journey of a Lifetime!!!