Hell hath no fury...the story so far

So I've been getting questions as to when I was going to write this specific blog.  Well, I decided now was finally the time.  I've had enough time to think about how I wanted to approach this subject.  Let's start from about Thanksgiving of last year...(and names will be omitted for, well, my sake! And also, caveat, these are all from my side of the story.  They may have other opinions of what happened, but I don't care, this is my blog...)

When I first arrived at Ft Carson, I was strolling around the PX and met this nice gentleman.  His name was John. He was infantry, so not the brightest bulb, but easy on the eyes, and made me laugh like no one had in a long time. Oh boy, he was handsome and ever so sweet. We had so much fun. 4-wheeling and off-roading. We went camping, he took me to amazing dinners, was a true gentleman.  Now, at this point I felt like things were just going too fast, for being so soon after my divorce.  So, we decided to hold off on it all for a bit.  Now he's in Afghanistan  and should be coming home sometime in November.  So, you just never know...but I still don't think I'm ready.

After saying goodbye to John, and after officially being separated from Colin for about 6 months, and had not seen him for about 7 months at that point, I thought was ready again. Around my birthday I met a guy I really liked, a lot.  Yeah, the "L" word was even dropped in the midst of that one. Well, things were going great, then a letter came saying he was going to be leaving, and then POOF, 180 degrees! He became cold, distant, harsh, not kind honestly.  I got hurt, a lot, but that didn't matter to him. I would pour my heart out, and it meant nothing.  Well, let's make a VERY long story short with this story...I'm still pretty bitter about this one. I felt betrayed but that what I felt didn't matter.  I left myself very vulnerable and was knocked down on my ass.  At this point of my relationship adventures, my wall began to build again, and I decided to keep people at a distance.

Well, after I got over that one (okay, it didn't take THAT long to move on....I think it was just more the hurt because it was the first real relationship I had since Colin) Moving on from him, I met a man named Terrell.  Now he was a beautiful man. He was very quiet, but after about 30 minutes he was totally opening up about everything.  I learned about his family, his friends, his life.  I learned what he was like in Germany, and all the while I couldn't stop looking at the muscles!  Now this one is another weird situation.  Like, things just fizzled away, sort of.  Because about once a month, I'll get a text and we'll talk forever, get together a couple times, and then fizzle.  Isn't that weird? I don't get it...

Then there was another guy.  I had been talking with him a while, met him when he was home on leave.  Well, I thought this could possibly end up to be something. We had I had so much in common.  I loved talking to him, and he made my day everyday!  Well, he finally came home for good.  The first time we were supposed to get together, he simply never responded to texts the day we planned to get together. That was a whole bunch of drama. Then, when we finally went out a couple weeks later, I was SO nervous, I think things just went south from there. I wish I could describe how the  mood was, but something was off.   But he talked like there were so many adventures in the future....I guess just not for the two of us. And even when I tried texting recently (because, there was no real official "this isn't gonna work" moment...) I realized what I liked was the idea of him.  Don't get me wrong, he's cute and nice, but apparently not what he had in mind.  But more importantly, this was the point I realized, I deserve SO much more than to be someone's backup plan.  That's not how I roll. 

There was also Roger.  He was cute as a button and very sweet as well. He brought me a blanket, heather and DVDs when I was on duty in a cold mechanics bay, at like midnight! I know, so sweet!  He, however, like Terrell, is a random "hey, what's up?" texter. Nothing ever really ended...or started.  About once a month, it's a "ya wanna hang out, catch a movie, I miss you, yadda yadda..." Man, they always keep coming back!

Well, I've decided that it's time to play the field a bit. In doing so, I've learned a lot about people.  There was one guy, we went out on a date, talked for 4 hours.  We talked everynight, everyday both texts and calls (all of which were initiated by him). We had plans for a Friday, then Wednesday morning, he simple stopped.  Just, no answering texts, no calls, like he fell off the face of this Earth.  Men....what the hell is wrong with you?

Then, there were THREE instances, yes three, where about 2 or 3 weeks into, whatever all this techincally is, they told me THEY WERE MARRIED! Yes, three men, all married.  Umm, huh?? Don't put your family baby mama drama on me...no.

There was one fella who, we were supposed to go to a movie, meet at 6:30, 6:45 came around, and nothing.  The excuse was "Oh, I fell asleep....I'm SO sorry." Mm hmm. Last time I checked, there were alarms for a reason. 

Recently, I met a fella who is former military, so he gets the life I live, which is nice.  I think he's gonna end up being a friend, but in the meantime, until we get to that zone, I'm enjoying the free dinners and movies and some awesome laughs!!!  He is the one I call my eye candy. Because everytime we go out, I swear to god, his muscles get bigger and his 6 pack gets 6 pack....ier??   I look at the girls heads turning, and I'm like, yeah...I'm with this guy, HA!

However, I've also met this nice latin doctor when I was at Evans the other day.  I'm just gonna say it because I know you're all thinking it, the guy is loaded. Drives a brand new BMW, wips out hundred dollar bills to pay for movies, I'm like, WTF mate? However, if I'm being honest he's not really my type, appearance wise. He's also rather, fast.  He's been looking at our future together, and I'm all over here like, " dude what's for dinner??" Everyone is telling me to expand beyond the muscle heads I usually go out with, so I figured this would be a good transition into the world of the "other" category.  Yes? Yes.

There have been several more dates in there.  Some went great and just sorta fizzled away (life gets too busy sometimes) and there were others that were AWFUL, that I choose to forget forever.  But no matter what, I've learned a lot of lessons.

In the midst of all this, I've had hope raised and dashed SO many times, so I decided it's time to stop dating to find love, and start dating to enjoy life.  The ride on this planet is SO short and no way am I ready to jump back into something so quickly.  I made that mistake once already, but I'm blaming it on my vulnerability. 

So here's my rules for this thing we call dating:
1. I'm gonna be shallow for a while.  If you don't meet my standards in one way or another, I'm not gonna do it. That sounds horrible, but I really don't care. I enjoy looking at handsome men, and if I'm not in this to fall in love right now, I'm taking them all for face value.

2. I'm living life for me and my dog.  If one of us does not approve, you're gone, no questions asked.

3.  If they start talking about "our future" it's a bye bye.  I'm not ready for that.  I don't want to meet your kids, I'm not gonna become their mom.  To expect that of anyone, is pretty awful and you need to get priorities in line.

4.  If you can't laugh at yourself, no.  This won't work either.

5. If I like you, I'll be honest about it, then probably move on.  Don't make a big deal about, or get freaked out, because it's not THAT big of deal.  We've all had crushes on people since elementary school.  The only difference is now, we buy drinks for those crushes.

6. And finally, I want to have fun with this. The only responsibilities I have right now are work and paying my bills. If I don't have a great time, there isn't gonna be a 2nd time.  Just the way it is.

7. I'm not closing myself off completely to the idea of finding "The One!" but it's not the reason why. If I find something AWESOME, no way will I let it go, but so far, no one has reached that point yet. 

So, I promised I'll be updating y'all.  I'm seeing the rich doctor on Saturday, so unless something comes along between then and now...be prepared!! Here's to happy hunting!!!

Irrational Females

This morning, I was very hot under the collar. Life the last couple days have just not gone well, and honestly, all I really wanted to do today, was be mad.  During PT, I was lucky to have a battle who just listened to me talking about how I wanted to punch people, how I wanted to run away, and hate the world!

Then people kept telling me "it'll be okay" yadda yadda.  The typical, good intentioned, pat on the shoulder stuff. But I just wanted to be mad!!!! And like I had a friend say, just have a pitty party!  Some people might think this is a terrible thing, but you know what, I don't give a damn.  I love being there for my friends and family when they're upset.  I love getting calls and I'm actually able to comfort them when times get hard for them. And maybe that's exactly what I was looking for today, I dunno.  But that's the beauty of social media, I can say what I want, and if you want to read it, you can.  If you don't want to, don't!

Maybe this is an irrational female thing.  I dunno. But I realized I don't care either. I am a female.  Sometimes I cry for no reason. Sometimes I let people have more power over my emotions than I should.  I am SO happy one minute and then bawling the next. I think the worst possible outcomes for most situations. I want to be surrounded by my loved ones, yet I want to be left alone.

Basically, what I'm saying here, is sometimes, all I want, is to be an irrational female.  There's not just ONE reason I'm mad, or happy.  Just go with it.  I'm learning that tomorrow might be better, but it might be worse. I dunno. All I know about tomorrow, is that I know nothing!