Vulnerability

Since I've started this, what's turning into LONG venture, there have been a lot of ups and downs, most of which I've shared with all of you on here. Well my friends, I'm now at a point where I'm feeling an emotion I haven't felt yet. Vulnerable. 

I'm so flattered that all of you think I am strong 24/7, but I tell you, there are some hours where I want to hide under a table and cry and cry. Lately this emotion has been overtaking me. While I'm still loving my workouts and even diets, sometimes enough is enough. I'm weak. Right now, at this time, I'm not the strong roll model you all have come to know and love. 

I love knowing that I can lift you guys up when you're struggling. Part of the reason I'm still going is knowing that you all are inspired to reach your goals! Right now, I'm asking for your help. I'm so tired of fighting this battle, day after day. I need your help to keep me strong! I won't lie, I want to give up! My mind and heart are constantly at odds and believe me, it gets REALLY tiring! 

Sometimes I can't always get across just how I feel, so I'm sharing with you two songs that .

In the roses, in the spring, I remember
There was a time I wasn't afraid of anything
With the lilacs and the rain
One day you went away
I remember
I forgot everything

My mother's always trying to tell me
How to be grateful, how to believe
My father's always trying to say
Baby, you're beautiful in every way
My lover's always got me in his arms
Trying to protect me, keep me from harm
So why do I always have to be
My worst, my own worst enemy

In the shadows, in the grays, in the lonely

There is a place
Where we can all hide away
But in the windows of the soul
There is nowhere we can go
If we keep running
Running from our destiny

Say I walk on water
Say I walk on the moon
But it's never enough
No it's never enough, no it's never enough
Say I'm only human
It's all in my head
But it's never enough
No it's never enough, no it's never enough
One day I'll find my alibi

So, what is my destiny?? I guess I don't know right now, but I must say, no matter what happens, I'm grateful to have come this far with all of you!! 

New Explorations

There gets to be a point in this whole "life is a journey" crap where you just want to punch the hell out of something! Fortunatly for me, I found this thing!

Starting around the first of the month, I'm going to be training in the MMA arena! For you people (eh-hem, MOM) who don't know what MMA is, it's stands for mixed martial arts. You know those shows where they kick and punch the crap out of each other? THAT, my friends, is what I am going to be starting.

You may be asking yourself, "Cara, why are you doing this crazy venture?" And I answer to you, because I am SOOO frustrated with weightloss, and dieting and exercising, that I have found something where, the harder you hit, the better you are!

Okay, rewind a bit. For the last month people have been telling me that I need to stop thinking about getting into the Army so much, that I need to find a "hobby." What very few people know about me, is once I pick up a hobby, the rest of my life begins to revolve around it. I don't have that, I'll give it 30% of my time attitude. It's all or nothing my friends.  So what this means in terms if finding a hobby is, I need to find a hobby in fitness. 

Well, I run, yes. I've tried a cycle class and my butt hurt! I gave Zumba a shot, and while fun, yes, I got NO workout! I looked into getting a nutrition degree and that was just expensive! So, at the end of my rope Colin and I saw the movie "The Fighter." If you don't know, "The Fighter" is the life story of boxer "Irish" Mickey Ward and his trainer brother Dick Eklund. It's about coming from behind, when the whole world gave up on him, he became world champ! (If you haven't seen it, do so, you'll understand!) In high school I took Karate and loved it, but on Saturdays we did kick boxing. Well, you can see where this is all going!

I ended up at a gym called Gorilla Fitness. It's a dirty gym with a boxing ring, punching bags, speed bag and an odor that smells like,well, a gym! Not a Lifetime "gym," but a real, in your face "you work hard or you get lost" type of gym!

So, for now, I've found my outlet! 4 days a week, I get to go punch and punch until I can't punch anymore! Ya never know, maybe they'll make a movie about your truly! :)

Dream Boards

One of my assignments on Monday was to make a dream board, so rather than typing it all up, I figured I'd just show it to ya! :)

 The first dream/motivator for getting to my goal, is my tattoo! When I get to my goal weight, I get it!

 Yes, Jason Statham! Why? Because someday I want to be the female version of this guy!!

 Someday I am gonna run this marathon, and rock it!!

 

My goal weight! Not just my goal weight, my weight with as little of body fat as possible!

 

Time to hit up Uncle Sam on that offer!

 

Proud of my thunder thighs!!

 

I want my masters, and I want it from here!!

 

My mantra!! You can use it if you'd like! :)

 

Yes, you see Gummy Bears! I want to get to the point in my nutrition where I can have a bag of gummy bears and enjoy them! Not worry about every single bite I take!

 

Who doesn't want to travel??

 

All of these are fortunes I found within two weeks time! They're hard to see, but they all have to do with my plans working out!

 

I want my family to have a better life! The only way I can guarantee that is by making it!

 

Everyday, baby steps!

 

...and it will be done

 

I want the pay of an officer, yeah, it's a motivator!

 

I'm daring! :)

 

The poster hanging on my wall!

So that is my dream board! My reminder everyday that I will reach my goals! I would suggest you make one too! We all have goals!