30 Year Crisis

Tomorrow marks the first of December, merely two days away from the day that I celebrate the start of my 30th year on this Earth.  So many people seem to deal with this birthday in many different ways.  Me?  I think I'm going through a pre-midlife crisis. 

There seems to be an opinion about this particular birthday. As a teenager, 29 seemed old, but then 30 seemed ancient.  I think  I've reached this boiling point because I'm no where near where I thought I'd be.  When I was 13, I thought I'd be married to Justin Timberlake. I'd have won my academy award and we'd have our 2.5 children, 5 dogs all living in our huge LA mansion. 

Suffice to say these dreams of my youth have not happened. Here I am, living on my Specialist pay, in the ghetto, my dog with my mom and dad, going into my 30th year in the middle of a class with a lot of 22 to 25 year olds.   So, despite my confidence, having a job I really do love, and my pretty darn great hair, I'm freaking out a bit.

When anyone asks me how old I am, I get to say 29.  29 is still 20. I'm still young, I still get to have fun.  No one expects a whole lot from a 29 year old.  Then quite literally overnight, I'm an adult.  I'm old. Here are a few things I've noticed about what happens when your first numeral becomes a "3".

1) Sports commentators refer to running backs your age as if they are on their death beds.

2) Almost everyone in the NFL, are younger than you.

3) You catch yourself referring to college athletes as "kids".

4) Your friends start getting really into and opinionated about politics, and use logical reasoning other than "Oh, he's better looking."

5) Your social media newsfeeds turns from hot, young people partying to formerly hot people holding their new baby.

6) Your friends start having kids ... on purpose.

7) You cant sleep in anymore.  Even on the weekends.  So you really get to appreciate that hangover from 8am on instead of sleeping it off until at least noon. Which leads me to...

9) Your hangovers are 100 times shittier.

9) Just the thought of going out on a Friday night makes you tired. After all, you need to recover from the work week.

10) You actually calendar social events which is weird because your social life is not nearly as active as it was a few years ago when you never calendered anything.

11) You judge people who buy a dog instead of adopting.  "It's a real problem, guys.  These dogs have nowhere else to go."

12) You watch concerts on Palladia and convince yourself that it's just as good as the real thing.

13) And, when you go to a concert, you are shocked to realize you are the oldest person there.  And you make comments to your friends about how sad it makes you to see these "poor kids on too many drugs."

14) You're not ashamed to wear earplugs at said concert.

15) And all new, breakthrough bands are younger than you.  Like all of them.  No exception.  Apparently, unless your band name is Wilco, any chance you have at making it ended at 30.  Sorry.

16) The days of fitting in with the crowd when you visit your old college are over.  Best case scenario, they mistaken you for a masters student.

17) Almost all of your friends from college have their shit together.  Which sucks.  It's great to have a fuck up friend to compare yourself to so you can feel better about yourself.

18) Your "crazy party" friend from college has a great job, is married and has kids.  Yeah, that same person who got arrested ... great, eh?

19) Your friends no longer have jobs; they have "careers".

20) A few of your friends start taking recreational adult sports leagues way too seriously.  Like screaming at the umpire serious.

21) Kids call you "sir" or "ma'am".

21) If you play a pick up basketball game or racquetball game, you wake up sore the next day.

22) Your friends get way to into their hobbies.  Especially the marathon ones...fhew!

23) You get invited to at least 10 charity events a year.

24) Military balls become one of the few socially acceptable times to get completely blacked out without anyone judging you.

25) You look like a weirdo if you wear a jersey to a pro sports game. Seriously, if you're over the age of 22, don't do it.

26)  People are way more into wine and craft beers, and way less into Boones Farm and Coors Light.


So, the decade of my youth is almost gone. I'm now entering a new phase, starting what is technically the 4th decade of my life. It's causing my hair to turn to a much lighter color, I'm seeing the world from a different perspective.  I'm optimistic, but cautious.  Reality is, my twenties will soon be gone, and there's not a darn thing I can do about it. I'm going to try to welcome it with open arms.  Embrace the age, and the wisdom that comes with it.  Wednesday, I'll simply breathe....