Living to be happy

For a couple weeks now I know I've needed to update my blog, but things were just happening that I didn't feel I had anything to share, until today.

While at work, laughing, having a good time, I realized how happy I am. This was brought to my attention when one of my co-workers came up to me and said "Rainey," (yeah, my uniform still has that name...) he said, "Rainey, stop being so happy and cheery all the time! Be like the rest of us!" Naturally that made me laugh more.

Later I was texting a friend and he made the comment that my happiness is infectious and that I make people feel good. (I was quite flattered because all I do is try to be happy!)

I had another friend point out my optimism in this, what should be, a really BAD time in life. And looking at everything, it really should be.  I moved away from most of my family and all my friends, I'm going through a divorce that is turning pretty ugly,  I don't get to deploy as early as I want to, I'm pretty much broke all the time!

Rather than looking at it that way however, I prefer to see the silver linings. Sure, I moved away, but I'm meeting some AMAZING new friends and developing a new, strong family in the Army, as well as being close to my amazing blood relatives in Denver (who by the way, I've seen more in one month than I Have the last six years.) Yeah, the divorce is bad, but I'm getting a whole clean slate! Because out of this, I realized I deserve SOOOO much better! I deserve someone I can laugh everyday with, that I'm excited to come home to,  someone who I can talk to about anything, someone who shows me chivalry isn't dead! Yeah, I have standards now, and they're pretty high! I realized out of this, that not only do I deserve better, I CAN DO better!  So my brigade is JUST coming home from a deployment which means I won't be going overseas until at least 2015. Yeah, I'm SUPER bummed about it, however, that means I get a few extra years here, close to family, my new friends, and who knows what'll blossom in the span of two and a half years! As for the broke thing...well, that'll change with promotions! For now, I have a roof over my head, food on my table, gas in my tank, and LOTS of love!

Sure, there are days where it's incredibly difficult to stay positive. Work sucks, I'm broke, I worry about how long I'll get to stay in, I get extra duty, but honestly, life is damn good!  It's taking a lot of self-reflection, but honestly, I am so lucky, happy and blessed, and I have a feeling it's just going to keep on getting better everyday!


P.S. These are the songs that currently make my day the second they come on. I hope they bring smiles to your faces and a little groove in your step (and no...no special meaning or deep thoughts, just songs to get us through the days):

 

 

 

 

 

Living life for me

Everyday, especially since coming to Colorado, I'm discovering new challenges.  Life is changing so rapidly, I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to keep up with it for the next twenty years.  I learned the answer to that...nope. I will not.  However, all these challenges that the world is tossing my way is making me stronger, making me a better soldier, but most importantly, making me a better person.

I received some not wonderful news about a situation I'm in currently.  I thought at first, things were going to go smoothly, I'd get my way, paths would be parted and I could move on with life. Alas, that is not going to be the way.  When I first got the news of certain changes, I struggled and I struggled hard.  I think I went through the 7 stages of grieving in a matter of 12 hours. I was irate at the things that were asked of me. I was depressed thinking I could lose everything I love. I was in the denial thinking it could never happen, etc, etc, etc. However, rather than stopping at acceptance, which is what I always did before joining the Army, I added an 8th step...change it.

Okay, I know in many grieving situations you can't change the outcome. However, in some you can, but no one is willing to do it.  I am.  Since joining the Army, I am a changed person. Sure things piss me off, sometimes I want to cry (and have once or twice) however, I no longer am putting MY fate in someone else's hands, no way. So, I'm fighting back.  I'm not fighting back by getting revenge on this person, rather, I'm fighting back by being happy. I'm fighting back by learning to love again. Love others and love myself (because face it, I'm damn awesome!)

Everyday I get to wake up, in my new home of Colorado, in my own apartment, seeing my new friends, visiting my family, knowing I am loved from all around the world, and suddenly, all my troubles fade away.  Maybe they don't fade away but the issues I have are so much easier to deal with and give me something to fight for and be strong for.

There are so many lessons to be learned from every situation. We can look at these hard times as curses or blessings.  I choose to see each day as a blessing.  While it's hard to go this path alone, well, without a "soulmate" by my side, I'm finding that every move I make is for me.  For as long as I can remember, I've always done things for everyone else first, than if there was time, I may have gotten around to me.  But when I go to work and try my best, it's because I want a promotion.  When I go out with friends and meet new people, it's because I want to make new friends for ME.  When I workout, it's because I want to get healthy for me. Hell, when I go grocery shopping, I only think about what my body wants!

Not only am I a doing all these things for what I want, it's for what I need.  For the first time in my life, I'm free to make my own decisions, face my own consequences, live my life. For the first time in nearly ten years, I get to be happy because I want to, and I sure as hell deserve to!

As I said earlier, each day that passes life is teaching me something new, about the people around me, my family, my friends and me.   However, those who don't learn from history are condemned to repeat it.  So, I am grateful for everyday of these last years of my life, because I learned what I deserve. I learned that it's okay to live life for me.

Ramblings of a midnight CQ shift

Wow, am I horrible or what? It has been FAR too long since I created a new post, so I must inform you of all this glory that is "The Real Army!"

I graduated AIT, went home for a week and forgot how wonderful it was to see all the people at home. I missed seeing my friends and family and even those I didn't care too much for. Okay, not really, I love everyone I get to see.

So, Thursday morning, I packed up my car, said goodbye to my mom, dad and dogs, and headed off into the sunrise on Highway 5, heading to Colorado!! I managed to get there in 12 hours, only stopping twice for gas.  It got a little touchy at the end of Nebraska with my gas, but I made it. I avoided stopping there as much as possible, because seriously, who wants to stop in Nebraska? Exactly, me neither!  So, I made it to Colorado!

I started off rocky, forgetting pretty much everything I could possibly need for in processing. Cool, I know, but somehow I managed to get through that process. It was the longest week of my military career yet, and felt SO homesick. I also felt very out of place, like I had no idea what I was doing.  There was a reason I felt like that...because I did have no clue. 

So I make it through the week, and get introduced to my new unit. I am officially (eh-hem) A Co. 1 STB, 1BDE, 4th ID. Yeah, figure that one out...'cus I'm still working on it!  Anyway, it was a difficult start. There were clicks already formed and I was not in them. However, time has passed. Since I've done all the crap tasks with no argument, I'm slowly working my way in!

I've made some really great friends, and kept a couple from basic and AIT. The best part? I've gotten to see my family up in Denver more in this month than I have for I think I have in the last six years! I'm starting to feel that Colorado Springs really has become my home!

As for the job, well, I don't know yet. My brigade is deployed still, so my days consist of sitting around. However in the meantime, I've decided to go back for my Masters Degree! Might as well, eh?

I've had a chance to be a tourist while enjoying my time here too.  I can't wait for visitors so I can share with them the joy that is my new home.

I was I could say I was doing some crazy awesome things, but right now, I'm just getting through life. I'm on my first 24 hour CQ duty, and have about 7 hours left...it's gonna be a long 7 hours. But that's all right, I'm SO grateful for everything I have in life right now and the life I'm developing, one day a month, I'll take it!