Weight loss, and the training I'm doing is one of the biggest emotional roller-coasters I've ever been on! You think puberty is bad, try losing 100 pounds!
Yesterday, I was feeling SO good about myself! Able to wear clothing I've never been able to. Today...a much different story! As I finished my physical therapy today I was feelin' pretty good! Not the best, but good. Then I went to the gym. I did my elliptical machine for half n hour and was doing okay. Then I got on the treadmill and STRUGGLED!! I could barely go at the 6.0 pace for 3 minutes!! I barely got to half a mile!! Sure, something is better than nothing, I know, but for those who don't know, in the Marines, you can run up to 6 miles at a time at bootcamp. Not a stroll of 6 miles, a RUN!! But you do it almost everyday!
When I think about that, my heart gets so heavy and I just question what I'm doing...again. Am I really meant to be one of the best of the best?? My heart and my soul say "oo-rah, Semper Fi" but my body is saying "viva Air Force! Let's take the easy way out!"
But I can't!! I'm at the point where, anything other than the Eagle, Globe and anchor on my chest is not right, and it's giving up! Ladies and gentlemenwelcome to the scariest roller-coaster on Earth- the roller-coaster of Cara's emotions!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Small accomplishments!!
For the first time, pretty much ever in my life, I was able to shop in a mainstream popular store...in the women's section!!! I thought I would take a gamble today and go ahead, and get a sweatshirt...heck why not get two???!! So, ya know what? I DID!! I got home, and guess what? THEY BOTH FIT...WELL!!! It's not a big thing, I know. But when you've had to avoid the women's section of these stores your whole life, it's a big deal! :) I can now shop....anywhere!!!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Lessons of a "once was a, now not so much a" fat girl!
I was shopping at Target a couple days ago, and I saw a sign, it said "God, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!' Why this really caught my eye, was, not 24 hours before that, I had another friend say that exact same thing! Why would people think that?? I thought friends were just supposed to be happy for each other? I know my one friend was saying it in jest, but it still got me thinking. My view on MANY things have changed since this weight has been coming off! Here are a few of the lessons learned thus far!
1. When you achieve success that is one of the appearance factor, many people are not genuinely happy about it. As a matter of fact, they are unhappy about it! You will say how much you've lost, then automatically, it turns RIGHT back to them and what they have achieved, with little to no acknowledgement. LUCKILY, most folks I have met, have been awesome and SO supportive! However, there are some, as soon as the weight goes down, I haven't heard from them since!
2. Clothes shopping CAN be fun! This was a lesson I learned strictly for myself. When I was young, I didn't like the way my sister dressed. I thought it was too...risque. Well, if you know my sister, you know it's about as far from that as anything! What I've discovered, was I was SO jealous of the clothes she could wear, and I had to hide my body. What's funny about this, is, now I can wear clothes that are more form fitting, however, I still choose my jeans and sweatshirts that are too baggy.I do it though, because I WANT to do it! :)
3. My third lesson, when you change things for YOU, if feels SO good!
4. It's easier for me to see...me. Who I am, who I want to be, who I want to associate with. Without layers surrounding me, I've let more people in who change my everyday, but the layers I have gotten rid of, are the people who brought me down. Who made me feel like crap. It's also the negative attitude about life I peeled away. I used to be a closet pessimist, I'm saying that now. It's something most don't know about me. I doubted everything in life, I always found the negative because somehow, I thought it made me feel better. Now, I've found the good in life, and when you look, there is A LOT of good! I guess that could be lesson 4.5!
5. It's FUN to be active!!! It's fun to go out and play football rather than sit at home and watch TV! It's fun to go visit people you haven't in a long time, than to sit and eat! It's REALLY fun, to plan your future!!! And, ya know what? I don't mind running even!!
So those are my first few lessons I've learned! Okay, they're not 5+5 type lessons, but they are new things I am discovering, and being reconfirmed every day! Life is good, sometimes you just have to peel back the layers to discover it!
1. When you achieve success that is one of the appearance factor, many people are not genuinely happy about it. As a matter of fact, they are unhappy about it! You will say how much you've lost, then automatically, it turns RIGHT back to them and what they have achieved, with little to no acknowledgement. LUCKILY, most folks I have met, have been awesome and SO supportive! However, there are some, as soon as the weight goes down, I haven't heard from them since!
2. Clothes shopping CAN be fun! This was a lesson I learned strictly for myself. When I was young, I didn't like the way my sister dressed. I thought it was too...risque. Well, if you know my sister, you know it's about as far from that as anything! What I've discovered, was I was SO jealous of the clothes she could wear, and I had to hide my body. What's funny about this, is, now I can wear clothes that are more form fitting, however, I still choose my jeans and sweatshirts that are too baggy.I do it though, because I WANT to do it! :)
3. My third lesson, when you change things for YOU, if feels SO good!
4. It's easier for me to see...me. Who I am, who I want to be, who I want to associate with. Without layers surrounding me, I've let more people in who change my everyday, but the layers I have gotten rid of, are the people who brought me down. Who made me feel like crap. It's also the negative attitude about life I peeled away. I used to be a closet pessimist, I'm saying that now. It's something most don't know about me. I doubted everything in life, I always found the negative because somehow, I thought it made me feel better. Now, I've found the good in life, and when you look, there is A LOT of good! I guess that could be lesson 4.5!
5. It's FUN to be active!!! It's fun to go out and play football rather than sit at home and watch TV! It's fun to go visit people you haven't in a long time, than to sit and eat! It's REALLY fun, to plan your future!!! And, ya know what? I don't mind running even!!
So those are my first few lessons I've learned! Okay, they're not 5+5 type lessons, but they are new things I am discovering, and being reconfirmed every day! Life is good, sometimes you just have to peel back the layers to discover it!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Random note + W.L. update!
My random note:
I took Tony to the dog groomer this morning. He started smelling a little too much like a dog! Anyway, as I walked in my apartment, for the first time, I heard no chains jingling or tail thumping, or someone sitting there wondering why I haven't given him a Scooby Snack yet! Man, if I didn't have Tony, this deployment would be SO much harder!! Coming home everyday to an empty place would be beyond torture! I am so very thankful that I at least have my 4 legged furry companion! He knows when I'm sad, and he is a great listener! So, when things get hard these next 4.5 months, I'll at least have my Tony!
Okay, and my weight loss update!
At Golds, I signed up for a 12 week challenge. Well, we reached the halfway mark, so we had to do a little check in! I would like to remind you, in these past 6 weeks, I went on a couple vacations, as well as my car accident. Well, during those past 6 weeks, I have lost 8 pounds! Sure, compared to what I HAVE been losing before this, it's a little slower. However, it's supposed to slow down. My body has been adjusting to this change! The change of eating well, exercising on a higher scale, no longer drinking alcohol, and just a general healthier lifestyle.
SO, 8 pounds, in 6 weeks, is just over a pound a week! (Duh!) I only have about 35 more pounds to go before I go sign my papers!! If I'm feeling hardcore, I may just go a little earlier. My goal is to go talk to the recruiters by Christmas, then take the tests in the New Year!
That, my dear friends, is my random note and update!
I took Tony to the dog groomer this morning. He started smelling a little too much like a dog! Anyway, as I walked in my apartment, for the first time, I heard no chains jingling or tail thumping, or someone sitting there wondering why I haven't given him a Scooby Snack yet! Man, if I didn't have Tony, this deployment would be SO much harder!! Coming home everyday to an empty place would be beyond torture! I am so very thankful that I at least have my 4 legged furry companion! He knows when I'm sad, and he is a great listener! So, when things get hard these next 4.5 months, I'll at least have my Tony!
Okay, and my weight loss update!
At Golds, I signed up for a 12 week challenge. Well, we reached the halfway mark, so we had to do a little check in! I would like to remind you, in these past 6 weeks, I went on a couple vacations, as well as my car accident. Well, during those past 6 weeks, I have lost 8 pounds! Sure, compared to what I HAVE been losing before this, it's a little slower. However, it's supposed to slow down. My body has been adjusting to this change! The change of eating well, exercising on a higher scale, no longer drinking alcohol, and just a general healthier lifestyle.
SO, 8 pounds, in 6 weeks, is just over a pound a week! (Duh!) I only have about 35 more pounds to go before I go sign my papers!! If I'm feeling hardcore, I may just go a little earlier. My goal is to go talk to the recruiters by Christmas, then take the tests in the New Year!
That, my dear friends, is my random note and update!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Never give up!
My accident was one week ago, and I still hurt, and man, does it suck!! However, I got my butt out of bed this morning, and finally got back to Golds.
As I was running on the treadmill, every bounce of the run hurting, I looked at myself in the reflection of the tv connected to my running machine, and asked myself "What would a Marine do?" So, I bumped it up a notch to get myself to a decent paced run. Sure, it's not quite back up to where I was before, but I can't make excuses anymore.
This last week, I was feeling sorry for myself, hoping this wasn't going to effect my USMC career. So I decided the only way it would, was if I let it! I CANNOT give up on this dream! There are a FEW quotes that I feel fit very well in this situation. I am going to share a few, in my mind, that are the best. I hope you can look relate them to yourself, and your goals, whatever they may be!!
"Better a Has-been than a Never-was. But better a Never-was than a Never-tried-to-be."
Anonymous
As I was running on the treadmill, every bounce of the run hurting, I looked at myself in the reflection of the tv connected to my running machine, and asked myself "What would a Marine do?" So, I bumped it up a notch to get myself to a decent paced run. Sure, it's not quite back up to where I was before, but I can't make excuses anymore.
This last week, I was feeling sorry for myself, hoping this wasn't going to effect my USMC career. So I decided the only way it would, was if I let it! I CANNOT give up on this dream! There are a FEW quotes that I feel fit very well in this situation. I am going to share a few, in my mind, that are the best. I hope you can look relate them to yourself, and your goals, whatever they may be!!
"Better a Has-been than a Never-was. But better a Never-was than a Never-tried-to-be."
Anonymous
"No one will ever see me quit, because I simply won't. If I start something, I will finish it and do it well."
Steve Belmarsh "Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world."
Jane Addams
"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Vacations!
Oh my goodness! Talk about obstacles! I, Cara, just returned two days ago, from a beyond whirlwind vacation! It started out wonderfully, until the, what became, second to last day, when my car was totaled. Don't worry, everyone is fine, but it took a HUGE emotional toll.
Since I've been back, I have been dealing with insurance people up the wazoo. While I have WONDERFUL coverage, both medical and auto, sometimes it's still really hard and quite stressful.
So, needless to say, the last week has been beyond KILLER on my diet. I am not proud to admit it, but I ate some foods that normally would not cross the threshhold of my mouth. However, I did my best at writing it down and not fretting TOO much. It was vacation afterall!
So, after I got home, delt with the insurance folk, I thought to myself "Cara, are you ready to see the damage of the past week?" I stepped on the scale, and low and behold, I gained ONE POUND!! That was it! I was SO proud of myself I didn't completely blow everything I had worked SO hard for!!
One last interesting note. As I was at the ER after the accident, the nurses kept asking me what I did for a living. Obviously, I explained, nothing, at the moment. I then went on telling them my story, how much I work out, etc, etc. What the nurse and the doctor even told me, had I not been in the physical condition I am in, I could be in MUCH worse shape than I am now. As in, still in the ER with more internal injuries.
It's a good lesson to everyone! Working out, getting in shape, it's not just for the military. It's for everyday well being! You NEVER know when something is going to happen, and I hope you all really think hard about it! I'm thanking everyone who has helped these last 6 months, because had you all not, who knows if I would still be here typing all of this!
Since I've been back, I have been dealing with insurance people up the wazoo. While I have WONDERFUL coverage, both medical and auto, sometimes it's still really hard and quite stressful.
So, needless to say, the last week has been beyond KILLER on my diet. I am not proud to admit it, but I ate some foods that normally would not cross the threshhold of my mouth. However, I did my best at writing it down and not fretting TOO much. It was vacation afterall!
So, after I got home, delt with the insurance folk, I thought to myself "Cara, are you ready to see the damage of the past week?" I stepped on the scale, and low and behold, I gained ONE POUND!! That was it! I was SO proud of myself I didn't completely blow everything I had worked SO hard for!!
One last interesting note. As I was at the ER after the accident, the nurses kept asking me what I did for a living. Obviously, I explained, nothing, at the moment. I then went on telling them my story, how much I work out, etc, etc. What the nurse and the doctor even told me, had I not been in the physical condition I am in, I could be in MUCH worse shape than I am now. As in, still in the ER with more internal injuries.
It's a good lesson to everyone! Working out, getting in shape, it's not just for the military. It's for everyday well being! You NEVER know when something is going to happen, and I hope you all really think hard about it! I'm thanking everyone who has helped these last 6 months, because had you all not, who knows if I would still be here typing all of this!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)