Quote the Raven...

For the last two weeks there has been a raven crowing outside our house.  Before I left for MEPS two days ago, I thought it was a bad omen.  Not a constant crow, rather a heckle. A heckle as to say "Haha Cara, you suck, you're not going to make it!"

Well, as I found out yesterday, he was right (or so I thought). He was laughing at me.  (Damn you crow!) However, my mom read me a few stories about the raven.  How it was Edgar Allen Poe who brought this darn cloud over this once powerful bird. Here's some of the unknown stories about Ravens:

"Raven is an omen of change. Ravens live in the void and have no sense of time, therefore being able to see past, present and future simultaneously. They unite both the light and the dark, both the inner and the outer. Raven is the totem of the Great Spirit and must be held with utmost respect. They are representations of creation and spiritual strength. 

Ravens are messengers, telling us about the creation and magic all around us, that is available to us just for the asking. Look for opportunities to bring into being the magic of life. The striking black colour of the crow represents the colour of creation. It is the womb out of which the new comes into existence. Black is the colour of the night, giving birth to the light of a new day. 


As ravens are adaptable to all environments and will eat almost anything, they can survive in almost any situation. Ravens are surrounded by magic, unseen forces and spiritual strength. If crow enters your life, get out of your familiar nest, look beyond your present range of vision, listen to the message(s) in its caw and act accordingly."


"...the raven is often heard to cackle utterances that sound like "cras, cras." The actual word cras is tomorrow in Latin."


"The raven is symbolic of mind, thought and wisdom according to Norse legend, as their god Odin was accompanied by two ravens: Hugin who represented the power of thoughtand active search for information. The other raven, Mugin represented the mind, and itsability to intuit meaning rather than hunting for it."


"Other Native North American tribes saw the raven as the bringer of light. In fact, southwestern tribes (Hopi, Navajo, Zuni) felt the raven was flew out from the dark womb of the cosmos, and with it brought the light of the sun (dawning of understanding). Consequently, the raven is considered a venerated bird of creation, for without the raven, humans would forever live in darkness."


So let's see, the Raven is:
1. Omen of change
2. Can see past present and future
3. Unite inner and outer light and darkness.
4. Represent color of creation
5. Messengers, waiting to tell us about the magic all around
6. Adaptable to all enviornments.
7. Always looking to tomorrow
8. Strong of mind, thought and wisdom
9. Bringer of life and light.


What a bird, huh?  I'm sitting here, listening to this bird outside my window. It knows something, it HAS known something all along that I didn't/don't. Out of all the things I've read about this bird, the two parts that stick out the most: 

If crow enters your life, get out of your familiar nest, look beyond your present range of vision, listen to the message(s) in its caw and act accordingly."

"...the raven is often heard to cackle utterances that sound like "cras, cras." The actual word cras is tomorrow in Latin."

While yesterday was horrible, today sucks just as much tomorrow is a new day. Sunday is a new day.  Hell, MONDAY is gonna be a new day. This raven is hanging out around my house for a reason.  He knows I'm meant for something, and he's here to tell me to not give up.  Now, I just gotta listen to that damn bird and know that my future is still bright and not give up...

To be continued...??

Today is the day of judgement...well, today and tomorrow morning! I didn't want to post anything because I am a firm believer in curses, if I say something, I won't get it. Whenever I watch a Twins game on TV, they seem to lose.  Whenever I'm cheering for any particular team, they lose! Colin makes fun of me all the time for thinking this way.  I figured, hey, better safe than sorry, no?

However, I couldn't not write anything because I've realized the thing that has been getting me through these last few hard times is everyone's encouragement! So, like I said, today is the day of judgement. I'm going to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) Oh, let me back up a spot or two, I made tape at the recruiter's office!!! That was huge (it would have been a bigger deal if Tony, my dog, hadn't needed 30 stitches, but that's a whole nother story!)

So  because I made it there, I filled out all my paper work that I need and they're sending me to MEPS.  Tonight is the night I take my ASVAB. I've been studying for this thing for a long time. I'm fairly confident with it. I'm a smart gal, most of the time.  It's tomorrow morning that has been causing me to lose sleep...and a lot of it! Thursday they're going to be waking me up bright and early (no too early, it is the government after all) and I'm going to be measured.  I've been calling this process "The Nazi Tapes" because they are SO much stricter, and if they think I'm sucking in or cheating in any way, I'll fail!

Before every karate tournament when I was younger, my dad would always tell me "Remember Cara, you have the best teachers, you've had the best training, give it all you got!" The same sort of thing applies here.  I've had the best trainers, I've had the biggest support group and been working my arse off for almost 3 years now.

Maybe it's my time, maybe it's not. I don't know. All I know is, there isn't a lot in life that scares me, but I'm terrified right now. I'm so scared of the rejection I may face tomorrow morning. Everyone's been saying "you got this" and I'm beyond grateful for all the support, but I'm more used to "not quite there" that's all I can seem to think about.  I'm trying not to, but it's these old tapes.

Well, there really isn't a lot more to say, except, HOPEFULLY I'll have good news to report tomorrow. If I don't, well, I guess that damn horse is gonna get another couple miles on it!

You guys rock!

I'm starting this blog, with not sure of what I want to say but knowing I need to say something.  Thursday is coming up really quickly and it's making me re-examine just about everything in life.  Interesting how something you've done (what feels like) a million times can make you think of something different every time you go.  

My last couple trips to the recruiter's office it's made me think a lot about my life.  Where I'm coming from, where I'm going and what I've achieved.  This time, this week, I've thought a lot about the other people who have gotten me to where I am!

As I was running with my new friend Kelly today, I was talking about my parents and how they literally have given me every opportunity to reach my goal.  They've always told me, being happy is the most important thing in life, and they've put their money where their mouth is.  At every turn, they've done everything in their power to help me along my journey!!

Family has always been by my side.  Colin has given up everything to help me.  Between deployments and letting me put everything into this goal, he could have easily said "Ya know, why don't you just do a 9 to 5 job. We'll be fine!" But no, he goes to school full time, works  every chance he can PLUS still drills on weekends with his unit. A lot of men wouldn't be as willing to step back and say "go for it," as he is.  I am damn lucky.

Again, family doesn't have to be, but mine has been SO beyond supportive I don't ever want to let them down.  However, through these past years, I have met so many amazing people and better yet, met people who I KNOW I will get to be friends with for the rest of my life!

There are a few ladies in particular who I love like sisters.  I would do anything for them and I know that no matter what I'm going through I will always have a shoulder. Mary Jo, Carrie, Kaity, Cassie, Caitlin and Lulu, because of you guys I'm still on this damn path.  So many times I've wanted to give up because I was too tired of fighting for this.  Thought it was too hard to ever even come close.  Especially in these last 6 months or so, you guys, whether you know it or not, have gotten me past the hardest challenge of my life!!  Because of you, I get the boring rosemary chicken, or simply sit and have coffee with you before going for a little walk!  You guys have put up with all my crap every time we go out! You put up with my constant "do you know how much sodium is in that!?" and you guys just smile!  I don't know many people who would still love me like you guys do after two and a half years of that! :)

My Golds friends.  Over a year has gone by since my first real workout home closed.  I don't even know what to say about Golds.  It's where I realized anything, and I mean ANYTHING is possible! The first time I stepped foot into Golds and signed up, I remember Norman coming up and say "Welcome to our dysfunctional family!" And that's totally what it was...but it SO worked!!

Now my bootcamp loves! When Golds closed, I went from gym to gym trying to fill the void that the lack of Golds left.  The camaraderie, the fun and the challenge. Kelly, since I came to bootcamp, you have given me my confidence back that I lost for a while. Every time I go to class I feel like I'm Superwoman!! Doing burpies at the speed of light, able to star jump from building to building in a single bound!! It has given me this final push that I NEEDED.  You were there bringing me back to reality when I "couldn't figure out WHY the weight wouldn't come off!"  Bootcamp is not just an amazing workout, but I have met a whole group of people who are absolutely amazing!  They get my butt out of bed at 5am and they don't even know it!

Finally, the newest group that has given my a new lease on life, are all the people at Gorilla Combat.  At first I loved this place, 'cus after a hard day, or frustrating day I could go punch something for an hour.  It felt good.  But what I learned was how special each person there was! So many different types of folks, and no matter how horrible my day was, I would always leave after that hour, smiling. Even when almost being kicked in the face, I can't help but laugh!! This is a group of very dedicated people, not just to the sport, but to each other! It's rare to find those people who care about others so much, but these people do!  I feel so lucky to have met this group!

Of course there are people I meet everyday and those who I've gotten to know better over this journey, who inspire me to keep going.  They make me want to better myself, which in turn keeps me going down this road.  The people who post the comments on Facebook with strong words of encouragements, those people who just say "wow, that's awesome!" Or the people who just say "let us know how it went on..." So, to all of you, thank you for keeping me going!   I didn't know just what I wanted to say when I started this...so, I guess that's that! :) You guys rock!

When the time comes, you'll know.

How many times have we all heard this cliche? When you meet that person, "you'll know!" I know when I see that one gift, that it'll be the one!! I just don't know what I want to eat, but when I see it, I'll know! Ugh!  Well, I think the same thing happens with life.  When you reach that crossroads, and you're faced with a dilemma, you'll just know!


Well, today I was placed at a crossroad.  Well, I'm at a crossroad where I'll have to think about options.  I had an interview today at a bank that I thought was for a part time teller job. Turns out it was for a Personal Banker position.  Full 40 hours, 401k, bonus incentives, etc.  Sounds great, right? Let me tell you, it sounds even better when you know your unemployment is coming to an end soon.  Getting done with the interview, I had a great feeling.  They liked me, they loved my answers, I got a couple winks, all the signs I usually would LOVE to see in an interview.


When I asked about the hours, I realized I would have to give up my Gorilla.  If you haven't been around, Gorilla Combat has been REALLY helping me get to where I am right now, being 1% away from my dream!


As the managers were talking about the bank, everything sounded so wonderful!! Okay, it sounded wonderful to the me three years ago.  I was so torn.  I could give Colin a solid base to finish his schooling.  It would be a 35k job.  Not bad for starting pay.  The people couldn't have been more delightful to interview with too.  The other kicker "we don't want to train someone then have them decide this isn't a good fit!"  As I am the way I am, I do not like doing that to people anyway.  If I commit to a job, I will be committed. With this in mind, that means I'd have to maintain my weight and size for THREE YEARS!  Without being able to do Gorilla, I'd be lucky if this happened, not to mention lose anymore!


So here I am.  To my left, U.S. Bank.  A business life.  A cubicle. Business suits, meetings, 401ks, a nice steady paycheck. A home and family to come home to every night. A life where I COULD start a family in a couple years if I want.  I would stay in Minnesota the rest of my life. I would have my friends forever. I could continue my bootcamp, and possibly find another boxing gym SOMEWHERE.


And to the right, my path to the Army.  Creditors calling everyday.  Not being able to go out because of training.  Not drinking for 8 months at a time. Early mornings, late nights and LONG runs.  Diets, headaches, and major stress.  Then leaving my family and friends for years plus at a time.  Not seeing my husband and dogs. The feeling of homesickness.


When I posed this dilemma on Facebook, I had people give me GREAT excuses for an easy out. The mere idea of the Army will always be there, thoughts. Talking with Colin tonight, I realized, that's exactly what it would be, an easy out.  The path of "ya know, I did what I could, I'll be fine with this."


I sit back and I look at these options, but I also look at the road I've been going down for the last three years.  What's kept me getting up early and running down the roads? What has inspired me to lose 80 pounds and 65 inches?!  It wasn't the dream of a 9 to 5 job.  That's not my desire.  My desire is to see the world, LOVE what I'm doing and wake up in the morning with no regrets.  I don't want a life of "What if!?"  I also don't want to be that person who says "I'm fine doing this for the next 30 years!"


No.  I'm not a cubicle person.  I WILL NOT give up on my dream.  Not when I've come this far, and have had so many people backing me up! I know if I went with a regular job people would support me 110% but I don't think I could support me 110%.  


If you all haven't been able to tell, I love quotes! For some reason, famous people can say things so much better than us normal folk. There is one quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, I found particularly comforting in this time:
"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them." 



So, I guess the time has come for me.  I now know that I can't give up.  While the normal life seems tempting, I now know that where I'm going is where I am really meant to be.

An explanation of me

I feel like I've been apologizing a lot lately to many people for my workout schedule.  It is intense, yes.  It's more than most people do, yes.  And it even is taking a major priority in my life. I am not able to do everything I would LOVE to do because of it.  However, I am not going to apologize anymore!

There are some people who won't understand what it's like to be passionate about anything.  I feel very sad for those people.  To not have anything to wake up for in the morning, or get them through the day. I've even had someone say "you've only been doing it for three years, it can't be THAT important."  Well to those people I say "your child is only three years old, it really can't be THAT important!" Exactly, you know how, well, mean it sounds!

Working out has quite literally changed my entire life!  The way I feel about me has done a complete 180!  And now I have a goal! A goal which includes an incredibly hard diet (especially when going to numerous Twins games and the State Fair!) and a very rigorous workout routine.

It's funny, I had a good friend of mine say to me last night "ya know, we thought you would get down to your weight and size and say, never mind."  I thought that was odd, because that must have been who I was at some point!  Not saying it's a bad thing, but the type of person who gets to somewhere and says "well, that's enough!"  What working out has taught me, just as a person and about life, is there is ALWAYS one step more.

No longer is there a "oh, I'm there, that's enough!" Nope. I am going to be going to bootcamp.  I will be an Officer in the Army. Once I'm in, that won't be enough either.  I'll have new goals, new challenges and who knows, by the end of THIS journey, I might come out with a Ph. D. or maybe the Presidency...I guess we'll just have to see!!

Whole new starts, then and now.

Can you believe it?  The State Fair is already here, which means school is starting just around the corner.  One of my favorite things to do this time of year is go to Target and walk through the school supplies! I love the smells, seeing the fashions of notebooks (Yeah, they are fashionable, don't lie! I know you spent an hour trying to find the coolest one when you were in school!) and trying to find the best looking and functioning pens (I always got stuck with boring BICs!) Do you remember the anticipation of your first day of school? Whether it was elementary, middle or high school! Not knowing what was going to happen was both the best and the scariest part of all.  You never knew who was going to be in your class, what your teacher was going to be like, and best of all, what you were about to learn!

What makes me smirk is the fact that, in my life right now, I am in the exact same position.  I'm at a point where, I'm about to have a whole new start!  I don't know who I'm going to meet at basic and through my journies. I have no idea what my Drill Instructors are going to be like, or how they'll change my life! I'm going to learn things, see things and do things, that I never thought my life would lead me to!

How exciting?!  It's that same feeling of the first day of school all over again.  You can feel something about is going to change, for the better! Each year and each step through those hallways is one step closer to the future!!

How can I not share this??

Can you believe it?! It's been almost three years. Three long, grueling, crazy years!! Initially, I got the idea to join the military right after college in 2007. However, no matter how hard I tried I never could quite get below that certain mark (if you must know, 220 pounds...I know...crazy!) Well you know the rest of the story, I met the people that changed my life!! They effected my everyday.

Let me rephrase that last statement...you know the rest of the story, up until now. Sometimes when you're so strong for so long, it's hard to relax. About one month ago, we decided to make the date of my measurement August 8, Monday.  Well the anticipation was quite literally killing me inside. These last 6 days I've been on a no carb, low fat, low sodium diet. I couldn't sleep, was making myself sick, and every thought of "what if" went running through my head.  If they could use how I was feeling as torture, it would be illegal.

So, Kelly, my bootcamp instructor, sent me a text last night at about 9 pm saying "let's do a preliminary measurement!"  At that point, I did cry.  I don't think I could ever hear "You're SO close" again.  If I did hear it, my sympathies to that punching bag I got ahold of!  Anyway, so as I was sitting there, crying, nervous as all hell, I turned on John Denver.  Why? Because I'm sorry, who has a more soothing voice than that man? Exactly, no one.

My alarm goes off today at 5:00. I wake up, look at my ceiling and say to myself "this is it, do or die."  Up and out the door I go.  I walk in and holy buckets, there are A LOT of people there. Greeted warmly Kelly asked if I wanted to do it now, or after.  Well, of course I said after...I gotta get every inch possible off me! :)

So we complete a faboo bootcamp (per usual!) and everyone heads out, and there I am...me, Kelly and the measuring tape. She measures my neck, waist and hips. She measures my waist and says "let me check again!" Of course I'm thinking "oh crap, it went up!" Down 3/4 of an inch!! Then my hips. Oh my dreaded hips! Down an inch and a quarter!!!  That's two inches gone...I only had to lose one to pass!!

My friends, I am no long "SO DANG CLOSE" No, I AM THERE! I'm going in Monday to the recruiter's office to get my "official" measurement. Don't worry, I used the official Army measurement AP on my phone, the same one the recruiter uses! :)

So there we go people.  What more can I say?! It's time to get studying for that ASVAB again.

If there's something I hope people get from anything you've ever read in this blog, is that, no matter what your dream is, no matter how crazy people think you are, it is possible! ANYTHING is possible.  Just put your head down, blinders on, and focus on that goal, because at the end of the day, if you did everything you could do, you're always going to be a success!!

HOOAH!!!

P.S. The final stats:  80 pounds gone and 65+ inches off!!