When the time comes, you'll know.

How many times have we all heard this cliche? When you meet that person, "you'll know!" I know when I see that one gift, that it'll be the one!! I just don't know what I want to eat, but when I see it, I'll know! Ugh!  Well, I think the same thing happens with life.  When you reach that crossroads, and you're faced with a dilemma, you'll just know!


Well, today I was placed at a crossroad.  Well, I'm at a crossroad where I'll have to think about options.  I had an interview today at a bank that I thought was for a part time teller job. Turns out it was for a Personal Banker position.  Full 40 hours, 401k, bonus incentives, etc.  Sounds great, right? Let me tell you, it sounds even better when you know your unemployment is coming to an end soon.  Getting done with the interview, I had a great feeling.  They liked me, they loved my answers, I got a couple winks, all the signs I usually would LOVE to see in an interview.


When I asked about the hours, I realized I would have to give up my Gorilla.  If you haven't been around, Gorilla Combat has been REALLY helping me get to where I am right now, being 1% away from my dream!


As the managers were talking about the bank, everything sounded so wonderful!! Okay, it sounded wonderful to the me three years ago.  I was so torn.  I could give Colin a solid base to finish his schooling.  It would be a 35k job.  Not bad for starting pay.  The people couldn't have been more delightful to interview with too.  The other kicker "we don't want to train someone then have them decide this isn't a good fit!"  As I am the way I am, I do not like doing that to people anyway.  If I commit to a job, I will be committed. With this in mind, that means I'd have to maintain my weight and size for THREE YEARS!  Without being able to do Gorilla, I'd be lucky if this happened, not to mention lose anymore!


So here I am.  To my left, U.S. Bank.  A business life.  A cubicle. Business suits, meetings, 401ks, a nice steady paycheck. A home and family to come home to every night. A life where I COULD start a family in a couple years if I want.  I would stay in Minnesota the rest of my life. I would have my friends forever. I could continue my bootcamp, and possibly find another boxing gym SOMEWHERE.


And to the right, my path to the Army.  Creditors calling everyday.  Not being able to go out because of training.  Not drinking for 8 months at a time. Early mornings, late nights and LONG runs.  Diets, headaches, and major stress.  Then leaving my family and friends for years plus at a time.  Not seeing my husband and dogs. The feeling of homesickness.


When I posed this dilemma on Facebook, I had people give me GREAT excuses for an easy out. The mere idea of the Army will always be there, thoughts. Talking with Colin tonight, I realized, that's exactly what it would be, an easy out.  The path of "ya know, I did what I could, I'll be fine with this."


I sit back and I look at these options, but I also look at the road I've been going down for the last three years.  What's kept me getting up early and running down the roads? What has inspired me to lose 80 pounds and 65 inches?!  It wasn't the dream of a 9 to 5 job.  That's not my desire.  My desire is to see the world, LOVE what I'm doing and wake up in the morning with no regrets.  I don't want a life of "What if!?"  I also don't want to be that person who says "I'm fine doing this for the next 30 years!"


No.  I'm not a cubicle person.  I WILL NOT give up on my dream.  Not when I've come this far, and have had so many people backing me up! I know if I went with a regular job people would support me 110% but I don't think I could support me 110%.  


If you all haven't been able to tell, I love quotes! For some reason, famous people can say things so much better than us normal folk. There is one quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, I found particularly comforting in this time:
"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them." 



So, I guess the time has come for me.  I now know that I can't give up.  While the normal life seems tempting, I now know that where I'm going is where I am really meant to be.