Therapy with a punching bag

When I started this journey nearly five years ago now, one of my favorite parts about it was two or three times a week, I got a free therapy session with Norman.  I got to vent, complain and talk out any issues I was having. It was so wonderful.  Then, I got here to Colorado and I realized I really have no one to vent to while pushing iron. 

After a couple days of PURE frustration, anger, stomach knots and anything else negative, I got back to my punching bag today...it felt wonderful! One of my favorite parts about it, is putting my ear phones in, blocking out the world and letting all my frustrations out.  The people who are pissing me off, the events that are causing anguish and even letting a few tears out that really need to fall.

You might be thinking that punching a bag like that, to cause SO much emotion, is silly.  And to some it might be, but to me, it's my therapy. It's the time I get to really focus on what is bothering me, and really letting me let my emotions out.

While this was merely one session out of what will be many, here were my lessons learned for the day:

1.  I deserve someone who is going to care about me, as much as I care about them.  Not because I'm the prettiest or the fastest or the richest, but because I promise you, there is NO ONE who cares more about those she loves than I do.  For my family, I would do anything.  For my friends whom I love (and I do not use the "L" word unless I REALLY mean it!) I would do anything. Whoever gets stuck with this old lady is going to be one lucky son-of-a-monkey's uncle!  HOWEVER, the second part of this....I have to learn to really believe it. It's one thing to say, or even have others tell you, but to truly convince myself of it, is going to take a bit more time and a few more right hooks.

2. I am most happy when I get to help other people.  Maybe that's why I love sending care packages, or why I had never been as happy as I was when we did that charity ruck march. It might sound silly, but I get SO much joy in making people smile.  I'm in the process of looking for a place to volunteer.  Not just a one and done type thing, but a place where I can get to know the people I'm helping! So many times the ones who need the most help are easily looked over...but you just never know who may simply need a smile.

3. I hate liars.  I know, that's really a "duh" kind of statement, but we all have those people who we KNOW are playing us, day in and day out, but for SOME reason, they have that hold on us. Whether it's a significant other, or a friend or a boss, but there's SOMETHING about them that we can't just walk away from.  Getting the courage to say goodbye to these people will be a challenge, especially being I'm still getting to know the area, and the people, but the toxic atmosphere is so much more harmful than helpful.  Time to focus on the people who bring positive energies!

4.  This divorce is going to take more time for healing than I thought.  I thought it would be easy to say "good bye" to a life I knew for a very long time, but DAMN my emotions are everywhere.  Maybe it's the holidays coming up, but it's been a particularly hard time going through this transition solo.  Sometimes I even question if I did the right thing.  Should I have said goodbye? I know in both my mind and heart that I did the right thing, but still, sometimes it's hard not to ask the "what if..."

I think four things in an hour was a decent session, and I must say, it's a lot less than what a therapist costs! I got nothing solved, however I brought some of my biggest issues to the forefront, which is the hardest part of the battle. Now, with each of my sessions, I get to fix my problems, well, do the best I possibly can!