Finding Zen (Oh look, there he is!)

When I set on this journey three years ago, I knew it was going to be difficult, but I also knew I'd have a ton of support along the way.  One of the things I'm discovering about me, is my passion for working out, for being healthy and for helping others.  Finding this passion is the very first step into finding my zen.

However, there's a lot more to it.  I know what I love to do, and I know what my passion is, but how do I fully get to it? The first thing was trying to get out of my head that I can't achieve it.  The biggest obstacle there was my own mind.  Learning to conquer that, that's always going to be a never ending battle!  The one thing I am able to control however, is how those thoughts effect me.

I learned a something the other day that has stuck with me, and is helping me learn my own mind.  They said "Don't try to fight your thoughts.  They are your thoughts and you will lose.  Let them come, think them, acknowledge them, let them go." For the last week, everytime a thought has come to mind that I've been trying to forget or trying to let go of, I stopped fighting them.  When I realized, this is me talking to me, I let those thoughts in.  HOWEVER, the difference is, when I let them in, I was able to release them.  Money issues, weight problems, friends, family, whatever it may be.  Instead of fighting with my own thoughts, I embrace them.

Now don't get my wrong, I still get those knots in my stomach thinking about things.  My nerves are still very present, but I know now how not to let them rule me. It's teamwork within yourself.  Once you figure out, they're thoughts, not your actions, it's so much easier to let them all go!

P.S.  Sometimes finding your Zen requires a little help from others (No, not like the Daily Show's moment of Zen!) So here are a couple thoughts to help ease and clear your mind!

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”


“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”


“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”


“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.”


(Buddha has it right I tell ya!) 

4 years

Four years ago today, I got to marry my best friend!  Everyday I count my blessings that I met this man.  While there have been many ups and downs, I don't think there's anyone I would rather have been spending my life with.

Most people say "if you can make it through the first five years, you're in the clear!" Well, we're almost to that point, but in these last four, the two of us have grown so much as a couple.  Surviving our second deployment together before we even got to celebrate a year together, was just about the most difficult thing we could have done. But we made it together, with the help of our family and friends. 

We've dealt with job losses, money problems, car issues, dish issues, parental issues, and anything and everything in between.  But we got to also have mornings together, we have two wonderful puppies, and we are starting a life that will be all our own.  We are planning our trips around the world and excited to MAYBE start a family someday.

While we've been together for four years, our lives are just beginning.  Have anniversary to my hubby, my soldier, my monkey, my best friend, my lover, my Colin!

Discovery of Me

Three years ago when I started this little trip of mine, I thought it was all about weight loss.  I thought if I could achieve that, I'd be beyond happy. All my problems would go away, and Colin and I could live in our happily ever after world.  While that is the main point of all of this, what I've discovered, especially since my last trip to MEPS, is that it's about a WHOLE lot more.

In these three years, okay, more the last 6 months, I've really discovered who I am.  In the last couple weeks, I've found a whole new state of mind. One of which has changed my outlook, and made me realize, while losing is important, there are so many other things in life that are making my thoughts toxic and stopping me from reaching those goals.  My mind was so focused on what others had and I didn't.  What others were doing to sabotage my goals, rather than me strictly focusing on how to overcome it.  My mind was so negative.

Several days ago I lost a "friend."  Rather than talking to me about her issues, she simply took me off Facebook and left it at that. I was mad. I wasn't mad at the fact that I lost a friend, what I was mad about was that she simply took me off Facebook and left it at that.  For about an hour, I was thinking to myself "she has some nerve, after all that I've done for her..." Well, as these thoughts were going through my head, I was getting madder and madder. I was hoping for something bad to happen...I know, not good. But come on, who hasn't wished ill on those who've done them wrong?!?

Well, when I was getting mad, I was on Facebook and one of the many groups I belong to posted this:

Next to it, read the following:

If you believe in karma, then you must understand that harboring evil thoughts of revenge and malice, towards those who have wronged you, is only hurting yourself.

This is like picking up a red hot coal and waiting for the chance to throw it at your enemy. While you wait for your chance, and contemplate thoughts of retaliation, that coal is cooking you alive. In the same way, negative thoughts of revenge eat away at your mind and spirit.

Your thoughts contain energy, and that energy affects you directly. Negative energy affects you in a negative way; positive energy affects you in a positive way. Bohdi Sanders ~ Warrior Wisdom

You know those moments in life when all of the sudden the world just makes sense? Like everything is clear and you actually understand.  That was the moment I had.  I realized for the last three years, I was holding onto resentment to those who had I don't.  I was mad at the people who were achieving all these things and I'm still stuck in the starters box.  Well, literally in one moment, all those thoughts of hate, anger, jealously, resentment, ALL went away...completely.  Something in those words I read changed my view on life itself.  The worries of a thousand worries were lifted.

It's amazing, I feel like I've discovered more in the last week now than I have this whole time!!

Part of this life analysis is finding what I want to pass onto future generations.  How can I give this feeling of happiness and satisfaction onto my nephew, or my kids someday. That's when I found my next step on this journey.

Ethos is a Greek word meaning "character" that's used to describe guiding beliefs or ideals that characterize, in my situation, an ideology. The ideology of how I want to live my life.  My next step is discovering and finding my own ethos.  With finding this, I will write my "Cara's Creed." THIS, is what I will pass on. It's who I will vow to be, and strive to be, day in and day out.  It's not something that comes just sitting around. It's going to take time and effort, and a whole lot more soul searching. 

Maybe it'll come in a week, maybe a month, maybe a year. I don't know, but all I know is, I have a way of living my life now.  I won't hold resentments. I'm not mad about the stupid things.  I'll be more accepting of others and their views.  Now how do you put these thoughts and feelings into words...

I think that'll be a whole other blog............

2012 still heading down the right track!

It was brought to my attention the other day, (eh-hem, MOM) that I haven't updated this thing in a while. Well, so much has been happening, that it's been hard to find the time!

On the military front, I DID go back to MEPS, and the woman screwed me over royally, again.  When they measured my neck, she was practically strangling me! When it came to my waist, she twisted the tape, and left it hanging.  For my hips, she measured at the wrong area (I've been measured so many times, I know exactly where to measure...everyone else can seem to get it right, except the idiots who "count")  Stupid women...they couldn't make it anywhere else so they just think it's fun to mess with the people who WANT to do something with their lives.  HOWEVER, when I stepped on the scale, I found out I was the lightest weight I've ever been in my adult life! How awesome is that?! I put part of that accomplishment on the fact that I was starving myself and killing myself the few days before.

That following weekend, I gave myself three recovery days. I ate what I wanted and it felt really good. I had subway (on the bread) twice, I had chicken wings AND bread sticks, and loved every second of it!  I stepped on the scale, and was SO happy, because I had only gained two pounds back! So I'm STILL at my lowest weight.  Now, I'm severely restricting my carbs (to workout carbs only) and upping the cardio like crazy.  To start with, I've been trying to do an hour of cardio at the gym, 3 to 4 times a week. Starting this week (hopefully) I'm going to be doing the Insanity cardio workout program.  Apparently it's  incredibly difficult.  That is AWESOME! I cannot wait to give it a shot!

So, I ran into a friend last night that I hadn't seen in a while.  And his first reaction was "holy crap, you have lost a lot!" I was thinking "YESSSS!!!!" Heehee! Good times!

I get to go back to MEPS when I drop 10 pounds (I know, 10, that's it!) So, I'm turning up the notch on the dieting and exercising! And I realized, when I drop that 10, I will have lost 100 pounds! Yeah, I know, 100 freakin' pounds!!!

On the jobs front, things aren't looking quite as cheery! I've been applying but boy it's still a tough economy out there. However, starting next month, I am working every single night! I'm starting my training for the Minnesota Twins,  (I just have to add, over 200 people applied and only 25 got the job...Woop!) and the basketball tournaments are happening at Target Center!

So, there will be cash rolling in, and that will help me sleep a little better at night!

Oh, I'M AN AUNTY!!! Little August was born a couple weeks early, and he is as precious as precious can be and totally healthy! I got to visit him already, but no, I didn't hold him.  Kids scare the crap out of me until they can function on their own a little bit.  Like holding their heads up, smiling and reacting to things.  I don't know what it is, but I don't like being responsible for something SO innocent and helpless, even if it is just to hold him.  Well, if this money thing keeps happening, I should be able to afford going out there this summer to see him, even just for a few days!  I am lucky to have the greatest nephew ever!  (I know, I have a biased opinion, but it just happens to be the right one!)

Well, time to get back to the real world! Workouts, working and diets...sounds like a damn good life to me!

Horoscopes and other mumbo jumbo!

A lot of people don't believe in horoscopes. My Dad to name one (he's a Piscees, forgive him!)  Anyway, I'm a firm believer in them.  I think there's something to the time, place, alignment, yadda yadda of births. So, I am a strong Sagittarius and proud of it!

2011 was bad.  When I read my horoscope originally, I blew it off, 'cus I was sure 2011 was going to be my year. The very first line for 2011 I read was "It's going to be a bad year Sagittarius..."  While there were a few ups, in general, 2011 blew, it was right.  So, you could imagine my excitement on New Years Eve reading my horoscope and it said "you should be out celebrating Sag, because 2012 is going to be a great year for you!"

YES! Finally, the stars are aligning!!

13 days into 2012, not only have 90% of my horoscopes been up (yeah, I check it everyday) but my yearly horoscope says nothing but great things!  Prosperity in careers, friendships and family.  In 13 days, I've more than doubled my jobs, I've been running father and faster, and feel awesome!!  So, here's a little bit more about what I'm going to be experiencing this year:







I cannot wait to see what 2012 brings!  Maybe you think it's mumbo jumbo, and that's all right. But we all need things that are going to help us get up in the morning, and this is mine.  Knowing that right around the corner, all my hard work, all my determination, and all this crap I've been going through for almost 3 years, is going to have a purpose, and it feels awesome!

So, here is my final farewell to 2011, and a big hearty HELLO to 2012!!

Faith in the journey

I'm sitting here, eating my egg white "pizza" and had two gentlemen knock on my door.  They introduced themselves and said they wanted to share a few things from the bible and their faith with me.  While, I'm a good Lutheran gal, I know my faith, and I know I don't go door to door.  However, I thought, while we probably disagree on most everything, those men have a lot of guts going door to door sharing God's word.

Well, NATURALLY, in my thoughtful way, it got me thinking.  I know people on all levels of faith, but which way is the way God would "approve" of.

Okay, stop right there.  What I was taught, God is happy with who you are. Whether you go to church every Sunday, walk door to door, or even just think about Her/Him every once and a while.  I would be the third option. I  don't go to church that often (although I should 'cus the people there rock...gotta love those ELCAers!) I really don't pray.  I doubt a lot of things in life and don't pretend it's going to be all right because God has a plan.  Sometimes I want to say "F-U God for making life the way it is!!"

I see people on Facebook saying "God is great...blah blah blah!" Then they go and talk smack behind everybody's back. Think they're higher and so much better because for some reason, because they use God's name in a status update, S/He loves them more.

Then I turn to a great friend I met at Gorilla.  She has had a much harder year than I ever have, or really anyone I know.  Through all of it though, her faith has stayed strong.  However, that's not why I look to her as  a spiritual role model.  She, a lot like my mom, walks the walk, rather than just talk the talk.  It's SO easy to say "God has a plan" and go to church on Sunday, but then most people hop in their cars, drive home and ignore the words the rest of the week by acting selfish, greedy, petty and down right non--Christian (even if they "praise God" on Facebook. (P.S. God doesn't have a real facebook page, fyi))

However, my friend is amazing.  I've never seen anyone put everyone else first, over her.  She, in my opinion, has the right to be pissed off at God, saying, "Well, you screwed me over, so forget you!"  But she doesn't.  She helps EVERYONE. When I was struggling, she made me this amazing key chain and wrote a card that touched me deeper than any bible verse ever has. While I don't think she thought it was a lot, it STILL has gotten me through hard days.

I look at some of the emails she written to me about faith, and hard times, and it helps. THAT my friends, is what Jesus, God, Allah, Buddah, whomever keeps you in line, would want.  She takes care of everyone! Her son is one of the luckiest boys!

So, while these gentlemen have guts going door to door, and good for some of my friends for supposedly re-finding their faith,  my dear friend is what I strive for in my faith.  To not just talk the talk, but really walk the walk. Love everybody, this is most certainly true!


Sidenote:  One of the versus my friend shared with me when I was in an ultimate low has stuck with me through this journey, and WILL keep me going until I reach my goal and so far beyond:
"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

New Years = The Best!

Ya know what I love about this time of year?  We get one week of "guilt free" fun! Aka, the week before New Years!  When that clock hits midnight we all get a clean slate!!

Two days after Christmas I stepped on the scale, and oh crap!  I gain 2.5 of the 5 I lost back!  Talk about a bah humbug moment!! I watched every single bite I took, and probably annoyed the crap out of my family with all my diet demands!  (P.S. Thank you to my family for putting up with it!)  I worked hard, I dieted harder and I feel like failure!

Well, one week from today, I get a new slate!! How awesome!  I, however, am starting one week early. Why not, eh? Why should we wait for our lives to begin.  I read a stat that 75% of people make a new years resolution.  45% of those people fail within one week, and 40% of the remaining fail after one month.  I'm not gonna be part of that stat again.

I WILL reach my goal in 2012. Why? Because I can. And I dare someone to tell me otherwise!

“Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”




 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! May your 2012 be as awesome as mine is going to be!!